#1
I'm the bassist of a metal band... not a vocalist or songwriter. I have no exp., but I think I want to start singing for the band since we can't find a decent screamer. i've got some good tone, but a lot of my technique needs work... anyway, I have these lyrics that I'd like some feedback on... thank for your help, in advance.

The Devil In God

I Am The Devil In God/I am the one you seek within
Blessed with the power/the power to bless your natural sins

Open, yourself, to me/set your, soul, free
Reject, the iron shakles,/of modern, society

You wait, for the grave, to be saved
You slave, to the ways, of Christianity
You think, you're better, than me
Just wait, you'll see, you'll burn in hell with me
***

This is just a start.
Please set aside religious beliefs, as this isn't inteded to offend anyone
I am NOT Christian (obviously), but some topics just work for metal.
#4
Quote by therealtater
I dont think that you should bash peoples beleifs just because its "good topics for metal" but besides that it has a strong ryhme scheme and its sounds good



I'm not exactly "bashing" anyone's beliefs... not on purpose anyway... I'm more stating my own, but I'm not exactly sure I'm "Satanic." I don't know if I am or not because I don't know the details of it. To me, "the devil in god" is a phrase that I liken to "there is no good without evil." It's kind of a personal Yin-Yang... it mostly signifies anger as an emotion. Anger is generally not considered a positive emotion, yet it is often times a catalyst for change... a great motivator. The Christian version of God is said to have been very angry in Earth's formative times, and that to me is proof of the reality that there is a "devil in god." Also, the Christian Lucifer is defined as angry at God, and his anger caused him to rebel. Rebellion is an act that causes change in all relationships, on every level, whether it is good or bad... Rebellion is a large part of the birth of my nation (America), and it is so prevalent in American homes amongst teens. Heavy Metal is also personified through Rebellion... throw out the rules to create something fresh and intensely emotional. I'm not calling anyone stupid for their beliefs or anything like that, because what works for you doesn't work for everyone, but I write about what I see, think, and feel, with no regard to others... no censorship for anyone's feelings. And that's the way it should be anyway.
#5
take all the meaning in your above post, and actually try to put it in the song. It's hollow and laughable otherwise. Glad to see there was thought behind it, though. Props for that.
I owe a ton of people critiques.

If you're one of them, please PM me.

I have trouble keeping track.
#6
You lost me right out of the gate:

"I am the devil in god/I am the one you seek within"
So wait, I'm looking for bad things within religion? That's what I want? I'm searching for god, not the devil.

Other than that, okay I guess...