#1
Alright, simple, just ****ing crit it please. Crit4Crit.
This is a death metal song obviously

Verse
Hell wants me, sent his evil son after
Demonic and evil
eternity reaps me and you as well

Chorus
Looking back where the past died
Waiting to see where i will go now
Wasted time trying to make you cry
Time for you to meet your maker

Verse
Release my life from your grasp,
you dont control me
take out my knife to try to end a life

Chorus
Looking back where the past died,
Waiting to see where i will die now
Wasted time waiting for you
Satan you get away from me.

Verse
Running to fast to realize
my bastard friends are still alive
Running after me
666 the beast has been set free

Chorus
I look over my shoulder
The scythes rise on them
One survives still alive
screams i was always loved

Bridge
Tell me how ive been loved before now
Felt so lost with everyone i know
not true love but hate in me now
gone too fast with life i take my final bow

Final Verse
You cry as youve lost your way
to bad time for you to die
Reaper walks over you now
dont say a word your breathing is already done

Final Chorus
Death walks by after i trip and fall
after ive been down for so ****ing long
Look over thy shoulder and see nothing
Darkness falls with blood on the trees
Metal crosses my throat
Gone for so damn long
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
Last edited by Guitarplaya27 at May 31, 2008,
#2
i prefered your other stuff tbh.
at first i read it like a a7x ish song but then remember you said metal, so it made a difference, but i couldnt find a flow for it all together.
LEAFS FOR CUP
#3
anyone else please?
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#4
well, if you scream the whole thing it might sound okay, but most of it doesnt flow very well.
'eternity reaps me and you as well' needs some work, and maybe instead of REAPS it could be RAPES?

so yeah... the ideas are good, just needs more flow.

also

Final Chorus
Death walks by after i trip and fall
after ive been down for so ****ing long
Look over thy shoulder and see nothing
Darkness falls with blood on the trees
Metal crosses my throat
Gone for so damn long

should be a breakdown.

please dont crit my songs, they;re pretty bad, i just havent got around to deleting them yet
#6
Hmm. Tbh, this is my least favourite genre of music. I can't really crit it, I mean, you achieved what you were going for I think, it just doesn't appeal to me.

The flow is choppy though. Work on getting it to come together a bit better, and add some creative imagery - I know you've got it in you, I've seen it before. Just because it's about hell doesn't mean it has to be riddled with cliches.

Sorry I can't add much constructive criticism. Next time?
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#7
Death metal is pretty good with the right riffs and lyrics. I'm sorry but these just don't qualify as the right lyrics. Although i like the topic, there is just so much lack of flow that you can't grasp onto the meaning of them. You really need to work that out. I did, however, like the rawness of it. gtrplyr is right, hell songs never do get old. I can't say nice job, but i can say i liked the rawness. cirt mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=873649 thx. Just fix your flow and you might be able to turn this into a decent song.