#1
Here's a riddle
a puzzle if you will
I've made a labyrinth
a highly elaborate maze
down one of the corridors
you'll find a wall
with shelves reaching high
stacked with a myriad of glass jars
All sealed tightly shut
with my own bare hands
all containing secrets
What secrets? Secretive secrets
Memories, thoughts, feelings, tears and fears
I hope none of these shelves fall
tipping and spilling precious cargo
If that ever happens
I hope someone special enough
has solved the labyrinth
and all the puzzles
and is there to catch what's falling
with soft hands
Sometimes
All I want to feel
Is love.


Love the Low end
#2
hmm idk id have to hear it because i dont really feel a rhythm or anything to it. its more like a free-verse poem. what style of music is it?
#3
idk dude it could definately be in a poetry book but im just not feelin it as a song.
#4
^I don't know if I'm going to use this for a song or anything, just a poem really.


Love the Low end
#5
Here's a riddle
a puzzle if you willredundant of hte first line
I've made a labyrinth
a highly elaborate mazeredundant of hte 3rd line. were not stupid nor lazy. i think we know what a labyrinth is and if u dont look it up not difficult
down one of the corridors
you'll find a wallboring. i'm waiting to be surprised
with shelves reaching high
stacked with a myriad of glass jarsmeh good
All sealed tightly shut
with my own bare hands
all containing secrets
What secrets? Secretive secretswow.. NO REALLY what OTHER kind of secret is there...
Memories, thoughts, feelings, tears and fearsmeh not feeling it.. memories is ok. but feelings tears and fears... how cliche.
I hope none of these shelves fall
tipping and spilling precious cargobetter
If that ever happens
I hope someone special enoughboring.. i think we can think of a better word for "special someone" think abstract
has solved the labyrinthi like the idea solving a labyrinth.
and all the puzzlessigh.. redundant.
and is there to catch what's fallingand.. and.. and... cut outhte ands and restate the special someone
with soft handsseems like a total mood shift.
Sometimes
All I want to feel
Is love.

over all.. a lot of this was.. boring. i dindt really feel much emotion. and dthere really wasnt a point to it. i get hte feeling you want to talk about how you love the girl and ect. but the whole first 3/4 of it was about a maze.... soryr 2 b so harsh. c4 c in sig
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
(\__/)
(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")
#6
I appreciate the crit. I agree some of the words and lines are a little bland but I like it maybe I'll change a few things.
Just for the record, It's not about me loving a girl. And the maze thing, well lets say that it's kind of like a metaphor.


Love the Low end