#1
...
And what is more, there's been a bloody purple nose and some bloody purple clothes that were messing up the lobby floor. It's just apartment house rules so all you 'partment fools remember : one man's ceiling is another man's floor.
Last edited by Mister.Y at Aug 23, 2016,
#2
i really like it.
Is there a chorus? Oh never mind its one of those "Varing'' choruses. All around deep
#3
The stars remain the same this night
The cars and all their flashing lights
I'm thinking about a girl who might
be thinking about myself tonight, but oh

I usually dont like this type of rhyme scheme, but for some reason it fits here.

I dont know
How could I know

And if you think there is no God
You might be right, you might be not
but despite of all that you believe
believe in the incertainty of life

You might be not? that just doesnt make any sense to me. Maybe you should try something like and maybe not. Also, the last line seems to throw off the flow to me. It just doesnt fit.

'Cuz how could we know
We'll probably never know

Let's consider putting up mirrors
Let's consider putting up mirrors
for the stars.

I'm not so sure what you mean by putting up mirrors for the stars, but it's pretty cool =)

I don't know if it would be fair
to not be searching everywhere
for answers to those questions asked
though they probably aren't there, but oh

Again with the but oh thing, it's a little bit awkward to read. Maybe you should try to fill that out with a different phrase? Just a suggestion


Sorry for the cruddy crit <---- haha cruddy crit alliterations are fun
I may come back to this one later to see what I can come up with when i'm not so pressed for time
#5
Quote by michal23
'Incertainty' isn't a word, you're thinking of 'uncertainty'.


Thanks for that.
And what is more, there's been a bloody purple nose and some bloody purple clothes that were messing up the lobby floor. It's just apartment house rules so all you 'partment fools remember : one man's ceiling is another man's floor.
#6
Quote by Mister.Y
It's been a while. C4C

Mirrors

The stars remain the same this night
The cars and all their flashing lights
I'm thinking about a girl who might
be thinking about myself tonight, but oh
I liked this stanza. Great imagery and metaphor, and i like how the last line keeps you reading.

I dont know
How could I know
What don't you know? I'm not sure that you went in enogh detail, or i'm just not reading it right.

And if you think there is no God
You might be right, you might be not
but despite of all that you believe
believe in the uncertainty of life
I don't like the rhyme of God and not. But i like the flow. The last two lines are probably my favorite of the whold song.

'Cuz how could we know
We'll probably never know
Once again, what won't we know?

Let's consider putting up mirrors
Let's consider putting up mirrors
for the stars.
I am confused as well. What do you mean by putting up mirrors for the stars?

I don't know if it would be fair
to not be searching everywhere
for answers to those questions asked
though they probably aren't there, but oh
I liked this stanza. Its a great ending. Nice job.


Nice work overall. Just fix a few things. Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=873649 thx. Nice job. Keep up the good work.