#1
This is a song I wrote about this weird chick at school that wouldn't leave me alone, my band mates found this funny, but if you can tell me what you think, that'd be cool
I guess its sort of a joke song lol

[Verse 1:]

There's this girl who won't leave me alone,
I swear, she's creepy to the bone.
No matter, there's no avoiding her,
To her games, I will not defer.

[Verse 2:]

When she calls, I hit ignore,
Picking up became a big bore.
But one time my brother picked up,
He said that he accidentally picked up.

[Chorus:]

Please leave me alone, stop calling my phone,
You really scare me...
This just isn't fun, when will you be done?
You really scare me...
I don't know what to do, how do i get rid of you?
You really scare me...
Again I'll have to run, at least until you're done,
you really scare me...

[Verse 3:]

Tricked me by blocking her call,
Don't think she has a life at all.
She leaves me creepy voice mails,
No, I won't go into the details.

[Chorus]
#3
I'd shorten the title of it a bit or change that - maybe Miss Creepy or somethin'. It is a fair giggle though, which I'm guessing is the intention.
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#5
lol u should play it somewhere like at a party that you know shes gonna be at lol
just get a reality tv show and then u can make millions being a **** up

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#6
Quote by Korzack
I'd shorten the title of it a bit or change that - maybe Miss Creepy or somethin'. It is a fair giggle though, which I'm guessing is the intention.


Thanks. Yeah a little laugh was intented lol. And I was thinking of changing the title to something shorter, and I like your idea and I just might use that
#8
Quote by chungalunga
lol, the chorus is pretty funny

haha thanks, I was writing this during class and it just came to me

Quote by lzrdsixsix6
ha......please record that

lol no problem, i need to get on that


Quote by 6_Feet_Below
lol u should play it somewhere like at a party that you know shes gonna be at lol

HAHA, dude that would be hilarious. her friends already give me dirty looks, this one would make them kill me lol


Quote by AA00P
Well done, sir.

thanks
#9
hahaha nice man. Gave me a good laugh. Record this!
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#10

[Verse 1:]

There's this girl who won't leave me alone,
I swear, she's creepy to the bone.
No matter, there's no avoiding her,
To her games, I will not defer.

i like this verse, although i couldn't really work out a rhythm for the words, but i didn't write it so it's not necessarily a problem

[Verse 2:]

When she calls, I hit ignore,
Picking up became a big bore.
But one time my brother picked up,
He said that he accidentally picked up.

i don't like the last two lines on this, it sounds like you couldn't think of anything different so you slightly changed one line
[Chorus:]

Please leave me alone, stop calling my phone,
You really scare me...
This just isn't fun, when will you be done?
You really scare me...
I don't know what to do, how do i get rid of you?
You really scare me...
Again I'll have to run, at least until you're done,
you really scare me...

i like the chorus, although if it was me, i'd leave the "you really scare me..." to maybe just the last line
[Verse 3:]

Tricked me by blocking her call,
Don't think she has a life at all.
She leaves me creepy voice mails,
No, I won't go into the details.

i like this part although i got confused by the first line.

[Chorus]


hopefully i haven't criticized you too much but at the end of the day it's your song so do whatever the hell you wanna do all in all good effort and you should definately play it somewhere when she's around, or maybe play it acoustically while at school for the lulz.
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#11
lol.
you should play it at your school sometime and hope she's listening. that will solve your problems for sure dude.
#12
Quote by twistedmaggot
hopefully i haven't criticized you too much but at the end of the day it's your song so do whatever the hell you wanna do all in all good effort and you should definately play it somewhere when she's around, or maybe play it acoustically while at school for the lulz.


i actually wanna think you for the criticism, i was really hoping i could get someone else's opinion on how to change it a bit. so I'll be working on this song some more
#13
Quote by Andyrew004
i actually wanna think you for the criticism, i was really hoping i could get someone else's opinion on how to change it a bit. so I'll be working on this song some more


you're welcome, this was my first properly critted song so i wasn't sure if i was being too harsh or not. do you mind critting my latest song? little child of the night it's kind of perverted so if you don't want to it's fine
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
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