#1
It was cold and dark and lonely,
and nothing seemed the same
I looked inside for happiness
But all I found was pain.

Regardless of the life I led,
I couldn't seem to fand,
A way in which to feel joy
In body soul and mind.

That's all so far...
[+]TheNotObnoxious[+]
#3
while yeah, it may seem kind of forced, but you have to remember a lot of song look weird with just the lyrics. I like this start.us At this point, this soul-searching is pretty open ended. cool.
I'm a pianist and a poet,
and someday the world will know it
But until then all that I can do
is play my songs for you.

Wallflower says: Thank You! But my friend Odd is, well, feeling odd.
#4
Well, I read it as a poem, because it doesn't say what it is, I always keep rhythm in mind though, but I mean, the rhythm sounds a little childish... like nursery rhymes. The language doesn't flow all that naturally.
#5
I thought it was good, but i feel like it lacked originality. There wasn't much that i havent heard or read before. Like bryan said, its an ok start, but you need to fix some stuff. I liked the rhyming, i didn't think it was too forced, you just have to work on your originality. Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=873649 Thx. Nice job, just need to fix a few things.