#1
This is my first attempt at writing a slowish paced ska song, in a minor scale, giving it an depressing vibe... the lyrics kinda match! hope i can get some insight, and maybe some advice on where to go from here, coz i can't seem to get to a chorus part! Lemme know what you think of the 1st verse though!


The sound of night, fills up the sky.
She sits alone, watching fireflies.
And as the day draws near, you hear her calling.
Giving warning, an early warning.
Of a day that might not go your way, so listen closely.
Is she a mirage, or a strange reality.
A shattered dream, a broken memory, you've lost everything.
Does this mean anything to you!?
I SOLD MY SOUL TO SATAN.... Cheeky Bastard Wants A Refund!
#2
I'm really feeling this one. I can picture the whole thing in my head and I gotta say, its a really cool image. The only thing I'm not sure about is the exclamation mark in the last line, I'd make it just a question mark.

As for where to go, maybe have each verse progress through the night, ending with the morning finally coming and what results from it? Just a thought, I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this.

If you wouldn't mind taking a look at my new piece?
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=874218
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.