#1
Sup guys..

we're about to be 8 months together with my girlfriend.. in June 4th.. and I'm writing her a song.. this is the first song i ever wrote.. i mean, ive written guitar/drum/bass tracks but never lyrics..

its supposed to be-- actually, it is a letter for her, so it might be a "little" corny:

From the moment that I looked into those eyes
I have had this awesome perfect life
and each day is like a picture album
which I keep on my mind <- there's a pause after "which I" so it fits the metric

Countless hours on the phone
letting you know that you're not alone
'cause I love you and you're my reason to be
and a huge part of me <- there's a pause after "and a" so it fits the metric

that's what I have so far written, altho i have sooooooo many good ideas.. i had to ignore a lot of em so it would sound good..

tell me what u think about it
#3
why not? it sounds good and its a personal letter for her.. and we use the word awesome a LOT lol
#4
dude that's crazy. i'll be with my gf for 8 months on june 2. good idea. i'll write her a song. even though i only have two days. and i suck at lyric writting.
#5
Thou shalt not crit my crit!

Awesome isn't a very evocative word, as it really only conjures the images of college frat bros chillin'.
#6
I dig it. Post the full song once your done with it man. Hope to see it.
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#7
Thou shalt not crit my crit!


what the hell does that mean lol

i was just asking why not... i guess ill have to change it then
#8
thanks SoftParade.. im actually gonna record it.. i recorded already the guitar and the drums.. i only need to finish with the lyrics to record them
#10
if you were going for "original", I'd say you failed. But I doubt that you were, so there you go.
I owe a ton of people critiques.

If you're one of them, please PM me.

I have trouble keeping track.
#11
i clearly wasnt going for original.. i mean.. im just telling her what i feel for her.. besides its my first song.. dont be so hard on the lil noob =P
#12
thats pretty good and meaningful,

i think what AA00P meant was that awesome sounds too slang, it doesnt fit with the sentence, try if possible choosing another word, try singing awesome, its too..big and not too meaningful if you get what i mean..
I see you're not using the UG black theme



Originally posted by GOD
akm_202, i now announce you, king of awesome. You may bow down to me.
#14
Ishegg, this thread has been reported for title. read the rules. read them now.
you'll find them in the announcement at the top of this forum.
that will help you keep your next thread from getting closed, and a warning that will go with the next breach of the rules.


*reported*


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Last edited by SomeoneYouKnew at Jun 2, 2008,