#1
the trouble with school is
we're taught the wrong lessons
long division, text analysis
are all well and good
but we're set up for nothing
in the long run

the real stuff that we know
we have to learn for ourselves
how to dream, how to hope
how to weep when it's dark
and to laugh
at the lifting of gloom in the dawn

we're taught in our english class
"avoid cliche like the plague"
but if i take that to heart
then how
do i say what i feel
when men wiser than i
have said it before
in so many better ways?

i've been learning this useless
**** now for near 20 years
but so, i see, has everyone else.
we've a surfeit of scholars
and of theories and texts
that mean barely a thing
when all's told.

f i say "im alone
as i walk down the road
in the moonlight" im judged
as a fake.
if i divide all my friends by my enemies
and the answer is greater than one
does that speak of success?
i think not.

does musical theory smother
a magic emotional art?
i know that i can't
watch a film anymore
without critiquing for all that i'm worth
"medium long-shot. what does
that mean?
and why that scar on our hero's
left cheek?"

when we reduce literature to purpose
and effect
and explain away love as a fact
to be proved or disproved as the
experts see fit
do we make ourselves happy
or not?

they say "golding creates a microcosm
on an island of unruly kids
and the parallels with our own society
are plain to see on the page"
who gives a ****? its a story
and i think it's a good one at that
but you keep it bludgeoned and broken
beneath a heap of cliff notes
and smother the spark till it's lost

whi is it wrong if we can't understand it?
why am i a fraud if i say "i'm in love"
or use the phrase "je ne sais quois"?
why, when we stand on the clifftop,
do you say "wind erosion did that"
dismiss and destroy it?
Last edited by jumped_up_kid at Jun 2, 2008,
#2
You do realise that ALOT of people will be confused by the title?
Its also the title of one of the most famous metal songs ever made.
Hufschmid
Blackat
Washburn USA Custom Shop
PRS
Mayones
Orange
Diezel
Engl
#3
^win. Come up with a new title... Maiden owns that title.
"In peaceful sedation I lay half awake, and all of the panic inside starts to fade. Hopelessly drifting, bathing in
#4
i realise that.

its a working title and, for now, i can't think of a better one.

i don't think it matters though, because in this context, the dark represents what we don't understand, and can't be taught.
#6
This is a brilliant piece, and the title fits it well. Do not change it. There are only so many logical ways to arrange a set of four words, some of them are bound to have been used once or twice before.

It was the only task I would undertake...

I P R O G
...to reap the harvest that was mine


- [ P R O G - H E A D ? ] -
#7
fair enough - i take your point

changed the name

not good, i know. but it's not a Maiden song anymore
#8
What about obscurity fear, or moonlight hiding, or monsters under my bed
Hufschmid
Blackat
Washburn USA Custom Shop
PRS
Mayones
Orange
Diezel
Engl
#10
on the contrary, there are plenty of ways to rearrange four words so that it's not a ridiculously awesome heavy metal song

for example:
Dark of the Fear
Of the Dark Fear
Fear the dark Of

EDIT: by the way i like the song (/poem?)
#11
Ugh, man, sorry about all the useless comments. As for the piece, it really, really grew on me as I read on. The first four stanzas could do with revision. They're a bit too blunt and don't have much poetic control. The idea is well and good, but it feels too brash and rant-like for me to take it seriously. You really raise some interesting points towards the end, and ones that I can relate to a lot. You provoked a lot of thoughts, and you spoke a lot of truth. Some of the language is weak though... 'the real stuff that we know' etc. Reword those opening stanzas and show your maturity and intelligence level more (I'm not insulting you at all, I can tell by reading the stanzas after them ones that you can write, and you're not stupid.). If you can do that, you'll have a really powerful piece.

Keep the title. It fits perfectly. There are a lot of ignorant metal-heads out there who can't understand the concept of creative license or personal interpretation.

O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#12
This is really good. I've written some stuff like that before, but this is more elegant. Bitter eh? I feel the same sometimes. I guess the trick is to try to get what you can out of school and not act like it's your life. It is after all, a means, not an end. A happy medium. now as for the song, my favorite part is when you say "when we reduce literature to purpose/ and effect" I was going to suggest "cause and effect", but I realized this sort of thought is exactly what the poem is ranting about.
I'm a pianist and a poet,
and someday the world will know it
But until then all that I can do
is play my songs for you.

Wallflower says: Thank You! But my friend Odd is, well, feeling odd.