#1
Open Your Eyes

(intro)
open my eyes to see the world for what it is,
passing drugs to teens and beating kids.
Gangs and violence killing all my friends,
everyones dieing around me don't bring me down!

(verse)
The path of demolition is in our way,
cutting through us like a blade.
The only way out is through the graves,
victims of the injustice slaves.

(inturlude)
The tomb of the outsider is in the heart of a dream, the dream of a nightmare

(chorus???)
Gunshots, and sirens, and screams,
the lullaby of the broken dreams,
help me sleep at night to get away from all the fright.

(verse2???)
this is not a dream but an endless nightmare
binding souls for a devastational doom,
closing in around you, life is like a tomb,
but i am just an outsider being consumed,
my heart is just a hand reaching out for you,
dreams are just a lie, consumed by all the signs,
the world is nothing but a nightmare, but it seems no one cares.

(???)
free yourself from the hidden, does it look like I'm F***ing kiddin
break away from the graves, holding you back from getting saved,
fly away from the past, forming around you like a cast,
leave all your victims behind, one chance before they screw with you mind

(outro)
open your eyes, quit hiding behind a lie,
the mob don't need you, so don't be like them
they're all around you, its becoming dim


Hey im a beginner and this is one of my first songs, so im open to all suggestions.
#2
Intro: Great, love the influence, but the 4th line didn't fit. (Plus you spelt dying wrong ^^)

Verse 1: Pretty good, flows well.

Interlude: A bit weird, and ill-fitting to the rest.

Chorus: Love it, but I would say "Gunshots, sirens and screams" instead.

Verse 2: I would take away these bits underlined in bold. Changes I have made are in italic.

this is not a dream but an endless nightmare
binding souls for a devastational doom,
closing in around you, just like a tomb,
but i'm just an outsider being consumed,
my heart is just a hand reaching out for you,
dreams are just a lie, consumed by all the signs,
the world is nothing but a nightmare, but it seems no one cares.

???: Would change the "F***cking". I don't believe profanity needs to be placed in a song to make it good.

leave your victims behind, don't let them screw with your mind

Outro: open your eyes, don't hide behind the lie,
they're all around you, its becoming dim
Last edited by Static The Band at Jun 3, 2008,
#3
i agree with everything you said but deleting the first line, becaus there is a second meaning to the inturlude, and you have to put the words in the second verse into the words in the inturlude.
so it would say
"the life of I is in the hand of a lie, the lie of the world"
i know it doesnt make perfect sense, but it does to me.
but everything else you said i'll change
thanks