#1
Trying to make a recording of it at the moment. Song played on guitar. CRC
(not sure on a title yet)


I could see you through the haze of hospital lights
We tried so hard as everybody else gave up the fight
You just stood there that night was your night off
Screaming at your friends to do every thing they could

It makes me angry that you don’t talk to me in dreams
And when I walk beside you I don’t see the things you see
I wish I could say you were just ignoring me now
That all of this is just one of our stupid rows

But you’re so perfect, and you’re so great
You’re so clever but you couldn’t save me

And now everybody is giving you grief
Saying you got ‘too attached’ but they don’t know you and they don’t know me
I am sitting beside you right now
I catch every tear before it hits the ground

It was a dead end from the start
I know you sat by my bedside counting freckles on my arm
You lay in my bed with your prom dress on that night
The heartbeats had died because you had stolen my heart

But you’re so perfect, and you’re so great
You’re so clever
You’re so perfect, and you’re so great
You are beautiful and you mean everything to me.
Last edited by i_got_novacain at Jun 2, 2008,
#2
cliche, but so are mine...um i don't like the "saying you got too attached..." line. it was just way too long and outta place. the "you're so clever" line in the last stanza, overused the "you're so.." theme. and it was too short of a line so it through the flow off. other than that you used great imagery so it was pretty good. crit locks of fear? in my sig.