#1
Flies Blood

When I run, you will stay
When I run, God will help
When I run, I'll feel better
When I run, I hope you will too

You draw circles around me
And wake up to find I am gone
Why does your face call on puzzles
And adorn the clothes of science

Undress the wilderness
It burns with delight

When I run, you will stay
When I run, God will help
When I run, I'll feel better
When I run, I hope you will too

The purple velvet rotting poles
Stand on its own between us
The question is, why you did it?
Why did you live like the wolf

Tear open the radio
It speaks in tongues

When I run, you will stay
When I run, God will help
When I run, I'll feel better
When I run, I hope you will too

kiss the bugs
They will adore you more than she did
They will tear themselves open for you
I love your flies blood

Remember when you killed your first bug
Remember the sound underneath your feet
Your twisted knuckles splattered with blue
Blue blood always feels warmer than you

But I can't let the wolf go
Your fear is my obsession


An evil weird song I wrote that I hope people like. Any critizism will help a lot and I'll of course perquisite the favor.
#2
Quote by AngryGoldfish
Flies Blood


First off, if you mean the blood of flies it should be "Flies' Blood"

When I run, you will stay
When I run, God will help
When I run, I'll feel better
When I run, I hope you will too

Fine except for the last line, "I hope you will too" doesn't go with the rest of the chorus - too many syllables.

You draw circles around me
And wake up to find I am gone
Why does your face call on puzzles
And adorn the clothes of science

Undress the wilderness
It burns with delight

Powerful line.

When I run, you will stay
When I run, God will help
When I run, I'll feel better
When I run, I hope you will too

The purple velvet rotting poles
should be a comma between velvet and rotting
Stand on its own between us
should be 'their' instead of 'its' if you're talking about the pole
The question is, why you did it?
Why did you live like the wolf

Tear open the radio
It speaks in tongues

When I run, you will stay
When I run, God will help
When I run, I'll feel better
When I run, I hope you will too

kiss the bugs
They will adore you more than she did
They will tear themselves open for you
I love your flies blood

Here "fly's blood" might make more sense.


Remember when you killed your first bug
Remember the sound underneath your feet
Your twisted knuckles splattered with blue
Blue blood always feels warmer than you

But I can't let the wolf go
Your fear is my obsession


An evil weird song I wrote that I hope people like. Any critizism will help a lot and I'll of course perquisite the favor.



I feel like the grammar police :stickpoke Nice piece though aside from the few small corrections, there are some good, unique thoughts here.

Mind critting mine? (A Hot Summer's Day, in the sig)
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#4
wow man alot of imagry, pretty good in the end tho man. i have no clue how it would be sung, but if u ever record it, sebd it my way man. check out broke, or whats wrong with me. they should still bee on the first page
(We are) The anti-cancer
(We are) The only answer
Stripped down, we want you dead
But what's inside of me, you'll never know
(We are) Bipolar gods
(We are) You know what we are