#1
So first a little background...

My parents are divorced (surprise). Dad's remarried and lives in NZ, i live in Aussie land with my Mum.

Dad and his new wife have been struck with the baby bug, and really want a child. But after 2-ish years of trying and one miscarriage they've given up on the natural solution. They don't wanna go the IVF route and as such have chosen to Adopt.

Now, adoption in NZ is a very in-depth process full of interviews and psychological profiling etc. to make sure they're fit for it.

This is where I come in. Dad, after making an incredibly bold assumption organized a couple of interviews and a questionnaire thing for me to do to provide a son's perspective of their collective parenting abilities. He did all of this without telling me until yesterday.

So I've been somewhat forced into this situation, and I'm torn as to what to do. In my opinion the two of them are the most pathetic excuse for parents I have ever experienced. The fact that dad left my mum because he didn't like the effects family life was having on his career makes me a little biased in this case. But his new wife is the most intolerant bïtch the world has ever known, she's a nice person to adults, but when it comes to kids she refuses to deal with them. She detests having other peoples children in their house and, from the limited conversations I've had with her, all she ever speaks about is how annoying children are in the supermarket (probably irrelevant).

Dad and his new wife will be able to read through the notes of my testimonies and questionnaire before they're submitted. Which is what creates the problem.

Do I tell the adoption guys the truth and put a massive slash through their chances of ever having a child? Because both my sister and I hold the most power in this situation as we've already been (partly) brought up by them. Thus **** testimony from both of us = no kid for them (more-or-less).

Or do I just bull**** so they can experience parenthood? (even if it is the 2nd time for Dad).

My sister feels the same way and is fully prepared to give her honest opinion on them, but I'm not so sure I need some input from a completely impartial party (The Pit?)

So, what would you do?


tl;dr:
Dad wants adopted kid. Dad sucks at parenting, do I tell the truth to the adoption agency so he doesn't get a kid, or do I lie so he can?
#2
I don't know it is a hard decision. Either tell the truth and don't let them get a kid, or let them get the kid, but sit down with your dad and tell him what you felt he did incorrectly.
Last edited by curtis15 at Jun 3, 2008,
#3
well people change over time, and people learn from their mistakes in parenting. ruin their chances of being parents again you could easily make two enemies, which could just make stuff worse in the long run.
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#5
Tell the truth. It'll bring your dad back to reality about what he really is like as a parent, and if the woman isn't actually willing to give birth but still have a child you should tell the truth, because if having a child meant enough to them they would do the IVF program.
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#6
Quote by Shredder XXX
Dad wants adopted kid. Dad sucks at parenting, do I tell the truth to the adoption agency so he doesn't get a kid, or do I lie so he can?
Neither.

You don't tailor your statements to accomplish anything. You tell the truth. And only the truth that is asked of you. Let the chips fall where they may. This is not your decision. This is not your dad's decision. It's the decision of the people who are deciding what is right for this child. Don't cheat them out of the truth by biasing it one way or the other.
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#7
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Neither.

You don't tailor your statements to accomplish anything. You tell the truth. And only the truth that is asked of you. Let the chips fall where they may. This is not your decision. This is not your dad's decision. It's the decision of the people who are deciding what is right for this child. Don't cheat them out of the truth by biasing it one way or the other.


This.
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#8
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Neither.

You don't tailor your statements to accomplish anything. You tell the truth. And only the truth that is asked of you. Let the chips fall where they may. This is not your decision. This is not your dad's decision. It's the decision of the people who are deciding what is right for this child. Don't cheat them out of the truth by biasing it one way or the other.


I think this is pretty much the plan I'll go with.

They ask, I'll tell

Seems a lot simpler when it's put that way



cheers guys
#10
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Neither.

You don't tailor your statements to accomplish anything. You tell the truth. And only the truth that is asked of you. Let the chips fall where they may. This is not your decision. This is not your dad's decision. It's the decision of the people who are deciding what is right for this child. Don't cheat them out of the truth by biasing it one way or the other.

Yeah.
Plus, as you said, he pretty much forced it on you without you knowing, that should speak for itself.
#11
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Neither.

You don't tailor your statements to accomplish anything. You tell the truth. And only the truth that is asked of you. Let the chips fall where they may. This is not your decision. This is not your dad's decision. It's the decision of the people who are deciding what is right for this child. Don't cheat them out of the truth by biasing it one way or the other.


This
#12
Talk to your dad first and tell him how you feel, does he know he's a ****ty parent?
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#13
Quote by cocacolabottle
Talk to your dad first and tell him how you feel, does he know he's a ****ty parent?



I think he may have picked that up, what with my sister and i only speaking to him when he calls...

Sadly, his mother (mah grandmammy) who is totally awesome lives over there, so we have to stay with him to see her...

*sigh*
family politics suck
#14
Trust me mate, tell the truth. It might be hard, and you might feel like you're stabbing them both in the back, but an adopted child can't be placed in a home where the parenting skills are dubious. It can be simply wretched for the kid, whereas some other couple who can provide a good home and love for it would in all likelihood provide a much better life.
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Before I have begun to live.

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#17
if your dad left for a pretty weak reason, why would you do him any favours?

all bias aside, just tell the truth.
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