#1
yeah
im back
finally

this is one ive been working on all day [since 11 am here and its 2 pm now]

havent been on in a while so, my writing might seem a little outdated

looking for constructive crits this time around [ie: what sounds bad, and where should i go, mainly because i dotn care about out of key stuff]

its pretty much epic metal[core?]

crit for crit as it always was
but please post a link to what you want critted

EDIT:
UPDATE 1[3 pm]
added choruses extra verse
and started breakdowns

UPDATE 2 [5 pm]
added more breakdown
choruses
started first solo

damn i hate tabbing my solos

update 3?
finished solo?
eded song?
Attachments:
right words.zip
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Last edited by envoykrawkwar7 at Jun 9, 2008,
#2
Pretty cool. I feel a solo or some kind of super chorus coming up in the next bar. I think it sounds fine overall right now. I might say repetitive but I'll assume there will be some sort of vocal part going over that in an actual recording. Keep it coming.
#3
In my opinion, the intro is way too long and it takes forever to kick in. The chorus just seems sloppy because of the drums. The transitions between parts are very abrupt and not smooth. And that last part is not a breakdown lol. This needs a LOT of work.
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#4
lol your back ! hahaha... I would say that your song would sound awesome if the intro wasnt so damn long. I would cut out 1-13 and start the intro at 14 were the synth enters. So atleast we get to know the riff but we dont feel that its too repetitive. love the heavy riffs dude, Really brought the life back in the song hehe. Chorus was alright nothing got me there. But its still a great start. 8/10 dude its got potential
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#5
Quote by chris_122
In my opinion, the intro is way too long and it takes forever to kick in. The chorus just seems sloppy because of the drums. The transitions between parts are very abrupt and not smooth. And that last part is not a breakdown lol. This needs a LOT of work.


ahh
damn
right before i updated

yeah
given its only been my project for about 6? hours now, i know it needs a lot of work
haha

im mainly just looking for like what you said about teh chorus at teh moment, so that when the parts repeat that will, they sound good everytime

transitions are always the last thing to be fixed
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#6
jt you too?

damn, updates are so inconvienient

on teh point of the intro, thats going to stay, i love long intros to death, and it will end up with a vocal track eventually to so it wont seem as bad
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#8
Thank for crit!
-Duals very nice 2 guitars make a good job
-Bass variations good
-Drums better than earlier your songs i listened=)
-heavyness cool but i expected greater...
-chorus awesome!!!
-Slow Dont like =(
-solos i think unnecessary...

Total 7/10
Not bad Song man!!!
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#9
Quote by fill
Thank for crit!
-Duals very nice 2 guitars make a good job
-Bass variations good
-Drums better than earlier your songs i listened=)
-heavyness cool but i expected greater...
-chorus awesome!!!
-Slow Dont like =(
-solos i think unnecessary...

Total 7/10
Not bad Song man!!!


im not a fan of the slow or breakdown parts myself either, but ive listened to enough artists say that you have to love and hate your own songs to make them great,

ehaha, solos arent anywhere near done in any case i already have about 30-40 measures done, and its just getting started. haha, i love long solos as much as long intros, its more about the music than the words to me so bleh...
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#10
very nice acoustic intro, but fade in the synth, makes it flow a lot more. also, maybe have the first acoustic centrally panned, then as the 2nd comes in, then stereo it?

drums coming it, sounds good

the change from acoustic to dist, maybe build it up into a crescendo?

verse/chorus area seems sliiightly rushed

fast breakdown doesnt seem that great, but i've never been into that kind of thing

the solo is good, but it's just not right some how

apart from that, it sounds pretty damn good =]

atm, i'd say 7/10, but with improvement, it will get higher

crit https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=837183 or https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=858703 ?
#11
updated

new stuff added, check it out
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#12
I love the intro.

The first time I listened to it I kind of felt it dragged on way too long, but after listening to it a second time, I found I could just close my eyes and really listen to it. I love the way you slowly add each element into it, especially the drums.

I can't say I care much for the first riff, I kind of feel that starting off with a slower riff would suit the transition from acoustic to distortion better. But honestly that's probably just my personal preference. The rest of the riffs sounded good, I especially liked the chorus. The mini-breakdown was cool too, it kind of threw me a bit, but I definitely like it.

Don't like the fast breakdown much, I think the song would be better if you just cut it out and went straight to the slow part, which I also really like, especially how it builds back into the chorus.

The solo suits the song quite well too, I might mix up the phrasing a little more, but as you said it's a real pain to get right in GP. I gotta say though, I love bar 147 and 148, very cool phrasing, it feels like going over a speedbump too fast or something (I mean this in a good way, I swear).
#13
Quote by icronic
I love the intro.

The first time I listened to it I kind of felt it dragged on way too long, but after listening to it a second time, I found I could just close my eyes and really listen to it. I love the way you slowly add each element into it, especially the drums.

The rest of the riffs sounded good, I especially liked the chorus. The mini-breakdown was cool too, it kind of threw me a bit, but I definitely like it.

Don't like the fast breakdown much, I think the song would be better if you just cut it out and went straight to the slow part, which I also really like, especially how it builds back into the chorus.



ohh thank you so much, no one ever does that, its how most of my intros are written, im all about the music, and what it says with the notes, not what would go good under words

haha, the chorus was sortof a random throw together glad you liked it, the mini breakdown was just my a7x influence really showing through

idk, the fast breakdown is sortof a deathmetal thing to climax that part of the song by adding a bunch of anger techniques to what i had written originally for it

thanks alot again haha
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
Last edited by envoykrawkwar7 at Jun 12, 2008,
#14
This is the kind of stuff I like. Its very relaxing and flowing. Really cool transition to the heavier part. Pretty epic too. (I'm typing this as I listen.) Very fun to listen to. Kudos.
#15
Well, not exactly my style, and nothing really stood out to me. It´s not bad, but there´s something missing, kinda. Like the Pre-Chorus tho. I´d change the solo, because it kinda was just fretwankery. Where were the melodies? But overall, may be good for that genre. 7/10
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#16
THe intro was pretty cool, although a little awkward. The harmonizing is very good, although the same thing about the awkwardness. I think the bass entrance by itself was unnecessary. The next heavy part is pretty good but the synth drowns out too much of the sound. The prechorus had some notes which were like out of key and just made it lose some of it's flavor. The chorus is too chaotic (with the drums and stuff). It should be more structured. The tempo changes throughout the song are too abrubt. It makes the song seem much more chaotic than it actually is. The solo wasn't bad, but it could definitely use better phrasing. Ending was kind of sudden, but it worked alright.

Overall, you've got a pretty good base, you just need to fix it up a bit and it'll be really good! Good job!
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#17
This IS friggin epic lol! Even the zip file is epic, took me ages to find the right one :P

Anyway yeah, back to the music lol. LOVE the whole two guitar intro thing, sounds great, but maybe a bit too long? The chorus is insane, I'm sensing major moshpit action live, haha. Like the strings, they definitely add a bit more warmth and stuff to it, and I usually hate synth but it works well here. I agree with NovemberRain273, all you need to do is make a few minor changes and tidy it up a bit and this would be an incredible song, pro standard I reckon!!!

Like it mate, well done

If you've got a sec could you give ours a quick crit? Not really your style judging from this but just a few musical pointers? Cheers.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=883338