#1
Hey guys, thanks for looking in, let me know what you think, leave me a link and I'll return the crits.

Verse 1:

Perfect blue skies in the morning,
As you lay there in your bed.
But it's too early for you to try,
And, open up your eyes,
Cause you'd rather rest your head.

Verse 2:

You should say thanks to mother nature,
As the grass grows lush and green.
In a while you may cry,
When you have to say goodbye,
To this perfect, sun-kissed scene.

Chorus:

When the rain comes crashing down,
All the people in this town,
Look the same.
Your hidden fears,
Come streaming down your face in your tears.
You've got no-one else to blame,
Except yourself.

Verse 3:

I watch you throw your life away,
Can't you see that it's a shame?
While you sit here and wait,
Things start to deviate,
And all your dreams go up in flames.

Verse 4:

The night-time clouds come rolling in,
And now the skies aren't quite so clear.
It's been a while,
Since I've seen your smile,
You need to get away from here.


Chorus:

When the rain comes crashing down,
All the people in this town,
Look the same.
Your hidden fears,
Come streaming down your face in your tears.
You've got no-one else to blame,
Except yourself.

Bridge:

There's a familiar look etched on your face,
As you prepare to leave this place.
You ghost away without a sound,
It's easy to do, with no-one around.
But it's all you can do,
When you're as lonely as you,
There's nothing left for you round here,
I guess it's time you disappeared.


Chorus/Outro:

When the rain comes crashing down,
All the people in this town,
Look the same.
Your hidden fears,
Come streaming down your face in your tears.
You've got no-one else to blame,
Except yourself.
#2
Hey, dude, you have good lyrics, but one thing ive found wrong withh all of your posted songs are their length. They're all way short. Four verses aren't going to get you very far. A bridge adds a little more length, but not enough. Just a thought...

#4
Quote by tantruming
Hey, dude, you have good lyrics, but one thing ive found wrong withh all of your posted songs are their length. They're all way short. Four verses aren't going to get you very far. A bridge adds a little more length, but not enough. Just a thought...



Maybe reading them this way they seem short, but once they have been worked and put to music, these songs have a more than adequate length for the style they are. Thanks for the look in though.

Quote by Eat_0n_Kent
Pretty good man, do you play in a band?
I really liked this but i felt as if ive heard it all before, like this style is a bit overdone atm.
Sorry for being so blunt.


Yeah I'm bassist and songwriter for my band. No problems about being blunt, it might be overdone, but I just wrote this in a few hours and got my feelings and thoughts out on the paper as they were. I don't really think that it's overdone, but it's your opinion and you are entitled to it.

I'll get to work on your piece in a while, may be a day or two because I'm having severe problems with my connection (aka Virgin Media are ****e)

Thanks for looking in guys!