#1
You came to me in the night
And immediately I knew something wasn't right
My eyes filled with fright
As yours lost their light

I have something I've been meaning to say
But the situation kept me at bay

Your hand grasped firmly in mine
As I kneel down by your side
You're hanging on to me like I'm your last lifeline
And in this moment I know that's right

I have something I've been meaning to say
But the situation kept me at bay
You were with another
Who I once considered a brother
It seems now that it's too late

Please stay awake for me
You know the last thing I want is for you to leave
Please know that I'd do anything
Even if I have to take your place

So we said so long
And you had a smile on your face
Saying you knew all along
And maybe we could have worked in a different time and place
Then you moved on
All I could thing was why didn't I ever

I have something I'd been meaning to say
But I was kept at bay
Another chance I wouldn't make that mistake
But now it's too late
#3
If it's based on personal experience, sorry, that sucks (the situation it's based on, not the song).

But very good song.
#4
Good rhymes. Is this a personal experience? If so, I'm sorry, man. But it's good to let these things out thru music, provides healin and closure. Wat kinda music is this? Wat genre? Punk, Rock, Metal, wat?
#5
It's a pretty simple chord progression Am E C F with some blues soloing in the background. I don't know how to map out the timing, you draw out the words and each line goes through the whole progression. Just play it moderately fast.
#6
You came to me in the night
And immediately I knew something wasn't right
My eyes filled with fright
As yours lost their light
When you rhyme every line like this it doesn't flow right. Instead of building tension and then releasing it at the end, it sounds disjointed. This stanza should probably be redone.

I have something I've been meaning to say
But the situation kept me at bay
Same problem.

Your hand grasped firmly in mine
As I kneel down by your side
You're hanging on to me like I'm your last lifeline
And in this moment I know that's right
This is better, I like it a lot. The third line could be revised though, maybe something like "Your grasp so tight, like I give you life"

I have something I've been meaning to say
But the situation kept me at bay
You were with another
Who I once considered a brother
It seems now that it's too late
Same thing with the first line.

Please stay awake for me
You know the last thing I want is for you to leave
Please know that I'd do anything
Even if I have to take your place
This one is good, as well. Second line could be rephrased though.

So we said so long
And you had a smile on your face
Saying you knew all along
And maybe we could have worked in a different time and place
Then you moved on
All I could thing was why didn't I ever
Maybe you meant to split up the third line? It seems odd in a set of short lines. This stanza is great though.

I have something I'd been meaning to say
But I was kept at bay
Another chance I wouldn't make that mistake
But now it's too late
Nice ending.

I'm guessing this is a rough draft? There is a spelling error or two. "All I could thing was why didn't I ever..." Well done, and I hope you don't mind some constructive criticism. =p
#7
Yeah I'd say it was a rough draft. The first two stanzas were all I had and then I did the rest when I was posting the thread. A couple of the longer lines do need to be rephrased so they fit a little more with the timing, and I have no problem with constructive criticism.