#1
My new song. Crit it, tell me some pointers

Love (is just another form of suicide)

We all find ourselves sometime in love
like an arrow to the heart from something above
you think about her in your mind
you soon allow yourself to find
your own form of suicide

Chorus:
Love, Love, love, love
just another form of suicide
Love, Love, Love, Love
that feeling that lies inside
love, love, love, love
your own special form of suicide

Unprotected, we all fall
love takes over, kills us all
no more feelings cept for that girl
Oh no, here comes the hurl

Chorus:
Love, Love, love, love
just another form of suicide
Love, Love, Love, Love
that feeling that lies inside
love, love, love, love
your own special form of suicide


Bridge:
Un-pro-tec-ted
we-all-fall
now-that-girl-is
in-your-mind!

(pickslide into solo)


Final Chorus:
Love, Love, love, love
just another form of suicide
Love, Love, Love, Love
that feeling that lies inside
love, love, love, love
your own special form of suicide


outro:
Love, love, love, love
it burns inside
Love,love,love,love
just another form of
SUICIDE!
#2
I like the feel of it and its a good analogy you've got.
What genre would this be?
▼▲
Quote by shdowfox17
awesome avatar,denn0069!
Quote by Valo
The most truth I've heard in the pit.
ever.
▼▲
#3
uhhhh the title is emo as F*** as well as the rest of the song....
Live Rig
Michael Kelly Custom Shop Plum Telecaster
Michael Kelly Custom Shop Plum Patriot


EVH 5153 50w
Jet City 2x12
Custom Board

It is NOT trash metal it is tHrash metal...get it right
#4
it would be punk rock if sung right. BTW shut up okay. SAOSIN is Emo and they're definately not crap. Ur just mad cuz i can write a good song.
#5
iheartgun: Maybe thats the type of music he likes, why do you have to hate on him for that? Constructive criticism is the way to go.

guitarhero: Good job with the SAOSIN reference, excellent band.

I don't rate music by what genre it is, rather by if its good.
▼▲
Quote by shdowfox17
awesome avatar,denn0069!
Quote by Valo
The most truth I've heard in the pit.
ever.
▼▲
#6
denn0069 wanna be my friend? I like Saosin a lot. Dont ya think they need to make a new album? I like punk rock, a little metal, and some emo
#7
Quote by guitarheroII
My new song. Crit it, tell me some pointers

Love (is just another form of suicide)

We all find ourselves sometime in love
awkard structure
like an arrow to the heart from something above
you think about her in your mind
you soon allow yourself to find
allow yourself to find is irritatingly passive
your own form of suicide
if its stated repeatedly in the chorus, im not sure you need to directly mention suicide in the verse

Chorus:
Love, Love, love, love
beatles anyone? :P
just another form of suicide
Love, Love, Love, Love
that feeling that lies inside
okay, but explain why its so bad
love, love, love, love
your own special form of suicide
retitive...doesnt add much to the song

Unprotected, we all fall
love takes over, kills us all
much better
no more feelings cept for that girl
blunt. and 'cept sounds wierd
Oh no, here comes the hurl
forced rhyme? this really doesnt make much sense

Chorus:
Love, Love, love, love
just another form of suicide
Love, Love, Love, Love
that feeling that lies inside
love, love, love, love
your own special form of suicide


Bridge:
Un-pro-tec-ted
we-all-fall
now-that-girl-is
in-your-mind!
i like the reitteration of the line, but the second isnt powerful enough to get away with not rhyming in a song this structured.

(pickslide into solo)
sooo unnecessary


Final Chorus:
Love, Love, love, love
just another form of suicide
Love, Love, Love, Love
that feeling that lies inside
love, love, love, love
your own special form of suicide


outro:
Love, love, love, love
it burns inside
Love,love,love,love
just another form of
SUICIDE!


intersesting concept, but the execution could use some work. try to be a little less blunt with the message, itll pay off in spades

C4C?

Speakeasy:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=875357

Will to Live:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=874415
#8
Quote by guitarheroII
Ur just mad cuz i can write a good song.

That is like when you get made fun of in school for bieng fat and your mother tell you "They're just jealous of you because your so handsome".
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror