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#1
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome

I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.

9. Men are not sponges

Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.

8. Women are racists

Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and holy fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.

7. Men live less than women

The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of piss. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!

6. Men write illegibly

Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and crap so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.

5. Jesus was a man

Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of crap. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.

4. Men wear watches

Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.

A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.

3. Boys destroy things

The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!

2. Marriage is stupid

Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to bang the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t bang. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re obsessed with it.

Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.

1. Men have penises

When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t mess up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Quote by Fassa Albrecht
You can't prove that people DON'T walk on water. turn water into wine etc.
#3
You can tell this kid is 12 and with this attitude will never get laid.

And racist doesn't mean hating things. It's hating people for the color of their skin.
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#4
Quote by shakin'cakes
First of all, I enjoy deathcore for it's complexity and it's the only genre heavy enough for me



Quote by Highway60Bob
I want an amp good for playing hippie tunes. I want it to be an actual amp, not a tube amp.
#9
Someone likes soap.. And dropping it too?

But I did laugh a little xD
As I always say: "Rawr"
#12
thats only sort of funny
especially #10
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#13
at all the people that don't realise this is a CTRL+V job.
Quote by Fassa Albrecht
You can't prove that people DON'T walk on water. turn water into wine etc.
#15
Your argument is void, due to the fact women have vaginas.

RMF


I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.
#16
Actually you'll find out women are better...... they have boobs!!! But they care too much about stupid stuff....... i know this... im getting married.
Quote by St.Loony
Girls are complicated - Just turn gay and don't bother.


Quote by MightyAl
OK, so now, for Christmas, I'd like the ability to have an erection again.



Quote by smartguyreviews
one time i got up in the middle of the night to take a shit... and the toilet seat was warm....
#17
To the above posters; it is blatantly obvious that you feel that it is cooler to make a thread fail than just appreciate the post, comment on what you found amusing, or just shut the **** up and leave the thread.

And the post was, indeed, mildly amusing.
Quote by mynamesedson
I asked my son he said nothing but he just asked me he wants a psyachatrist (spelling?) Because he heard voices calling out his name. What a freak.



Control your life through insanity.


Igneuspentheism
#18
Quote by element4433
You can tell this kid is 12 and with this attitude will never get laid.

And racist doesn't mean hating things. It's hating people for the color of their skin.

Its more then just based on color of skin, racism is anything against a "race", making fun of someone thats Asian for the shape of theirs eyes for example is also a racist statement.
▼▲
Quote by shdowfox17
awesome avatar,denn0069!
Quote by Valo
The most truth I've heard in the pit.
ever.
▼▲
#23
Some women have penises.
______________________________________________________________________
Last edited by Gyroscope : Tomorrow at 01:00 PM.
#24
to me, without a doubt, women are so much better.

men are only good with practical things. in my opinion.
#26
And another thing, you're number 1 reason is that we have a penis. That should be a negative. Without the vagina, we are nothing. Because women can be "fun" with men, but when men are with eachother, it is just pathetic/gross.
Quote by St.Loony
Girls are complicated - Just turn gay and don't bother.


Quote by MightyAl
OK, so now, for Christmas, I'd like the ability to have an erection again.



Quote by smartguyreviews
one time i got up in the middle of the night to take a shit... and the toilet seat was warm....
#27
Serious thread is serious

Quote by denn0069
Its more then just based on color of skin, racism is anything against a "race", making fun of someone thats Asian for the shape of theirs eyes for example is also a racist statement.


But how can we resist?
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#28
It's hating people for the color of their skin.


No, it's favouring people of your own race over others. How many jews got killed for the colour of their skin?
When altitude dropping, my ears started popping. One more red nightmare...
#29
total fail girls<boys and im a boy! the woman comes first dude
#30
Quote by Gyroscope
Some women have penises.


HAHAHAHA!

That sentence was funnier than that list. Seriously. Funniest thing I've heard all day.
#31
Thats stupid, and not even true,
Q. Whats the male word for sheep?
A. Sheep.
your an idiot.
Also racism means hating people for their ethnic background
Quote by boreamor
Ah very good point. Charlie__flynn, you've out smarted me


People
should
smile
more



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Rate my playing skills please.
#32
I didn't even crack a smile at the broad and unjustified generalisations, or the needless fucking swearing, or the lack of logic used to write that. In fact, this list is, if anything, fairly strong evidence that being born with a penis is makes you automatically more stupid.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

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Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#33
You forgot one all-important characteristic:

Guys can pee standing up. I'd like to see a girl pee standing up without getting urine all over herself.

I mean I wouldn't actually like to see a girl pee, but you know...
Quote by Altoidwithmelon
Hambonicus, that was epic with a side of win


98% of teens have been around or have had alcohol. Put this in your sig if you like bagels.

Proud member of the "I don't believe in global warming clan".
#34
Boring. Heard it all before from that guy.
Talk to Erowid

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#37
Quote by Hambonicus
You forgot one all-important characteristic:

Guys can pee standing up. I'd like to see a girl pee standing up without getting urine all over herself.

I mean I wouldn't actually like to see a girl pee, but you know...


Don't worry, there are probably websites, brothels, and sluts who all cater to your weird weird needs.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#38
Quote by charlie__flynn
Thats stupid, and not even true,
Q. Whats the male word for sheep?
A. Sheep.
your an idiot.
Also racism means hating people for their ethnic background

Racism is the belief that your own race is superior to another's.
______________________________________________________________________
Last edited by Gyroscope : Tomorrow at 01:00 PM.
#39
Quote by pwnerer
You are an idiot. If you were trying to be funny, you failed.

+1
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#40
Quote by GnR_ROK
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome

I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.

9. Men are not sponges

Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.

8. Women are racists

Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and holy fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.

7. Men live less than women

The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of piss. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!

6. Men write illegibly

Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and crap so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.

5. Jesus was a man

Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of crap. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.

4. Men wear watches

Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.

A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.

3. Boys destroy things

The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!

2. Marriage is stupid

Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to bang the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t bang. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re obsessed with it.

Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.

1. Men have penises

When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t mess up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’




Your such an idiot.
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