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#1
Disclaimer: The following true life story is neither epic nor interesting. Do not read.


It was a little past dinner time. I was settling down for an hour or two of Counter Strike. I clicked the appropriate playlist on my iTunes, cracked my fingers and froze at the sight of a darting brown object skirting past my blind spot.

Whipping my head around, I saw it. It was a gigantic freak of nature, a cockroach bigger than my very fist! My very blood froze to a chill, and I watched the evil fiend crawl slowly across the wall.

Then I sprung into action. I darted into the kitchen and grabbed a can of Shieldtox : insect repellant, and pumped it like a madman with an AK47. A thick white cloud burst into being and the creature fell to the floor.

And scuttled away.

I thrust my fist triumphantly into the air and roared out a war cry. Swinging my trusty Shieldtox around my head, I proceeded to finish the beast off once and for all.

Then, to my horror, it disappeared underneath the tables in my living room. My heart started beating frantically, and I lunged forward, spraying as I went. It was futile. It had gone.

I dashed hurriedly over to the other side and engulfed the bottom of the tables in an impenetrable fog of insect repellant. Then I hopped on to my chair, keeping my legs up to prevent it from making a surprise attack.

After 5 minutes or so, the fear gradually subsided. I resumed my Counter Strike-ing. And felt a light brush against my right foot.

Instinctively, I jumped and felt my right leg descend into a painful cramp. I struggled to stay on the chair; held on painfully to the table for my dear life.

So another 5 minutes have past from then, and I'm rather alright. The evil being hasn't re-appeared yet, but I suppose the worse is over. Thank God it wasn't one of those flying cockroaches. That scares the bejeezers out of me.

Hey, what-
#4
Trying too hard to recreate man vs wasp.
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#5


wild Heracross appears!
"And after all of this, I am amazed...

...that I am cursed far more than I am praised."
#6
Quote by Sol9989


wild Heracross appears!


run dude run!
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(oh! maybe some one will sig that witty comment! maybe not...)
#7
You obviously need to use a pokeball.
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#8
they were funnier when metaldud did the pokemon references.
geez guys...be original.
WE ARE THE NIGHTMARE
#9
Fire is super-effective! Switch to a fire pokemon!

^This guy makes me look lame

Now I'll have a go at being original.

Ok... so I assume its under the table still or its sneaking up behind you. But assuming the first what you do is cut a big circle in the table, this leaves you with a number of options.

A - Completely seal all the other entrances to the space the cockraoch is in, stick a vacuum over the whole suck that bad boy up.

B - Seventeen bug bombs in the whole should do it.

C - Send in a team of highly trained birds that eat cockroaches and hope they're hungry

D - Find some sort of shrink device and take it out 1 v 1. Sure you could take it out without shrinking but that wouldn't be as honourable or cool.

E - Poop in the hole for the lulz and hope it achieves something

F - Fashion the table into a guitar and over the newly created sound hole play something beautiful and the cockroach will respect you and hopefully leave your home.

Just a thought.
YellowGreenBlueRed


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Last edited by renegade2031 at Jun 5, 2008,
#11
It flies. I'm sure it does. It'll eat you alive.

I hate roaches.
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#13
dude just lay a blow or two on that motherfuka a mess yes! dead coacharoach yes!
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#14
Quote by AnoKid09
they were funnier when metaldud did the pokemon references.
geez guys...be original.


Alright.

Uhmmm . . . .


Crap
Since the creation of the Internet, the Earth's rotation has been fueled, primarily, by the collective spinning of English teachers in their graves.
#16
Quote by Surak
Alright.

Uhmmm . . . .


Crap


its okay...you get a cookie for trying.
WE ARE THE NIGHTMARE
#19
sweet. choc chip? those are my fav. I'm in.
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#21
Quote by Aussieloco
Pikachu. Cookie now!


idk whether or not you've heard of the expression "beating a dead horse," but your doing it. might wanna google it.
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#22
repeatively smash it with a sledgehammer. over and over and over again. it needs to pay for the fright it cause your poor, innocent soul
#23
Quote by renegade2031
Fire is super-effective! Switch to a fire pokemon!

^This guy makes me look lame

Now I'll have a go at being original.

Ok... so I assume its under the table still or its sneaking up behind you. But assuming the first what you do is cut a big circle in the table, this leaves you with a number of options.

A - Completely seal all the other entrances to the space the cockraoch is in, stick a vacuum over the whole suck that bad boy up.

B - Seventeen bug bombs in the whole should do it.

C - Send in a team of highly trained birds that eat cockroaches and hope they're hungry

D - Find some sort of shrink device and take it out 1 v 1. Sure you could take it out without shrinking but that wouldn't be as honourable or cool.

E - Poop in the hole for the lulz and hope it achieves something

D - Fashion the table into a guitar and over the newly created sound hole play something beautiful and the cockroach will respect you and hopefully leave your home.

Just a thought.



Plausible, but I have no equipment available to cut through wood except my iPod and my mouse, which are both technically ill-equipped for such a mission.

So I just emptied the whole can of insect repellant into the bottom of the tables and now I can't breathe or move.
#24
Quote by nugznbudz
idk whether or not you've heard of the expression "beating a dead horse," but your doing it. might wanna google it.

Not my fault your horse is dead.
#25
my advice to you sir, is to talk it out. sure, its a cockroach, and yeah, maybe it can't understand english, or any form of verbal communication, but i'm sure that it will try its hardest to listen well and figure out what your saying, and maybe it will just get really bored and leave. or, it might get mad and eat your soul. it's risky, but some things are worth the risk.
Rock On HARDCORE

Please crit this. My fav piece that I've written.
Goodbye

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#26
Quote by Time Seller
Plausible, but I have no equipment available to cut through wood except my iPod and my mouse, which are both technically ill-equipped for such a mission.

So I just emptied the whole can of insect repellant into the bottom of the tables and now I can't breathe or move.


Thats just ruined my plans... I would suggest opening the window but since you can't move that would be a problem.
YellowGreenBlueRed


Quote by webbtje
You live in a ruler, the only child of trouser water (?); it's very fantastic, and salami!
#27
Quote by Aussieloco
Not my fault your horse is dead.


lmao... as far as you know. maybe you set off a long chain of events from a seemingly unimportant decision which resulted in the death of the horse that i never knew i had... ever consider that?
Rock On HARDCORE

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#29
Quote by Time Seller
He meant 'beating it to a dead horse'. That there's a problem.

Wrong thread. That's the mascara kid.
#30
Quote by nugznbudz
my advice to you sir, is to talk it out. sure, its a cockroach, and yeah, maybe it can't understand english, or any form of verbal communication, but i'm sure that it will try its hardest to listen well and figure out what your saying, and maybe it will just get really bored and leave. or, it might get mad and eat your soul. it's risky, but some things are worth the risk.



I'm suffocating in a toxic cloud. Opening my mouth PROBABLY isn't the best idea.


And I shouldn't have bellowed the war cry. No chance for peace now.
#31
Quote by Time Seller
He meant 'beating it to a dead horse'. That there's a problem.


uh... that's kinda sick... images in my head i cant shake... .will you pay for my therapy for this?
Rock On HARDCORE

Please crit this. My fav piece that I've written.
Goodbye

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#32
Quote by Time Seller
I'm suffocating in a toxic cloud. Opening my mouth PROBABLY isn't the best idea.


And I shouldn't have bellowed the war cry. No chance for peace now.


sit tight and wait for your soul to be devoured i guess?
Rock On HARDCORE

Please crit this. My fav piece that I've written.
Goodbye

Forum for tattoo artists/painting and drawing: Electronic Ink
#33
Why were you using repellent? You want insecticide not repellent.
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#34
Quote by The Undead
Why were you using repellent? You want insecticide not repellent.


isn't insecticide for plants?
Rock On HARDCORE

Please crit this. My fav piece that I've written.
Goodbye

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#35
tl dr
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#37
^...? Turrets? or are you just angry at the world?

DUDE, I feel ya. Roaches freak me out like no other. I'm not great around most bugs but roaches I have a bonafide phobia of them. Make lots of sounds to scare it out from its hiding place and just squash the ****er
#38
Burn down your house.
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#39
You just take a can of hair spray, light a lighter in front of it, and you just spray the damn cockroach. Works wonders. Just don't use cans that are almost empty because the flame can go inside the can, and it can explode in your hand.
But seriously, if you are that afraid of it, and you believe that it isn't dead yet, you can close its perimeter with something adhesive, and just go play CS. When you are done, check the adhesive, and if you are lucky, the cocroach will be stuck to it, and you will be able to do whatever you want with it...
/serious post...
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#40
Wait, so how are you TYPING if you're up on a chair? :P
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