#1
before the lyrics...
my band is a deathcore band and we write our lyrics in the same style as whitechapel, suicide silence, acacia strain, despised icon
the content of the lyrics is only for entertainment and sort of a shock value...we are not sick or deranged and we don't believe people should do the things portrayed in our lyrics...if you don't like the content, don't read it...we understand it may offend some people but that will always happen and we don't care

our lyrics are like a story being told so their may not seem to be a rhyme scheme or tempo that fits...It depends on the way the lines are delivered and the patterns used by the singer following the music

now the lyrics...this is one of our less "sick" songs so tell me if you want the others that are a little more edgy lol

Who Said Violence Isn’t An Option?
Violence is an option, the option I will take
I will show you what true pain is.
As bones break and cartilage tears,
My point comes across.
Your blood on my hands,
I take pleasure in teaching you this lesson.
Consciousness evades you,
Your world begins to blur,
This is only the beginning,
But you’ll be praying for the end.
Your condescension is your downfall
Your supreme logic has failed you.
Your intelligence proves ignorance,
And now your world comes crashing down.

Don’t ask why,
You already know the answer
To anything and everything.
Don’t beg for death,
I won’t give you the easy way out.
You will live with your choices,
You made your own future.
I’m only showing the world
Who you really are.
You stupid…f***ing…b***h!


you crit mine, I'll crit yours
Originally Posted by NAME GOES HERE
Dude, with a name like Cannibal Corpse, what were you expecting? Ponies and rainbows?

#2
Your is overworked.
supreme logic is a bit much.

Your intelligence proves ignorance
doesn't work at all imho.
better to have intelligence be no match for force or something like that.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=876303
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#3
damn,
pretty good my brother.
i want to hear it when you record it.
its great,
i can imagine the music playing in my head,
=p
this is the kinda stuff i love.
is their a breakdown also?

C4C
#4
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Your is overworked.
supreme logic is a bit much.

Your intelligence proves ignorance
doesn't work at all imho.
better to have intelligence be no match for force or something like that.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=876303


yeah reading it back "your" is overworked...But I was thinking it might fit the music because I was going to put the last four lines there in couplets and have a small pause between them so it wouldn't sound like a bunch of "your"s in a row...it sounds decent in my head but I don't know how to portray that and the way it is screamed by typing it lol...I'm really new at this, this is only the 2nd song I've ever written

Also, I couldn't think of a fitting adjective to put in front of logic and that's the only one that sounded remotely right to me
and to understand that and especially the intelligence-ignorance line you have to know the back story to the lyrics

pretty much it's about my bassist (he doesn't know this though lol)...he's one of those people that always is trying to show how smart he is and everything he knows but he isn't as smart as he believes. You can say anything and he'll try to put an academic spin on it and go off on some tangent like he's some kind of teacher giving a lecture...he's really stand-offish (if thats the word I'm getting at). It just gets to the point that you wanna beat the hell out of him to teach him a lesson...to get him to realize that he needs to come back down to earth and stop hiding behind false intellect...overall that line is saying you intelligence proves to be ignorance, like what he believes is intelligence in his mind just comes off as condescending and ignorant to those around him

hope that helped you get where I'm coming from with this lol
thanks for the crit though...I like constructive criticism, just wanted to give you the background and see if it made any sense...or maybe I'm just crazy haha
Originally Posted by NAME GOES HERE
Dude, with a name like Cannibal Corpse, what were you expecting? Ponies and rainbows?

#5
Quote by iamdisturbed
damn,
pretty good my brother.
i want to hear it when you record it.
its great,
i can imagine the music playing in my head,
=p
this is the kinda stuff i love.
is their a breakdown also?

C4C

I want to hear it recorded too!!! lol but with my lazy band...who knows when that'll be haha

I think I have music written out for it and it would fit good...what I'm planning on is having two lines or couplets (not sure yet) set up two breakdowns

the first would a couplet where an open chord would ring out while the line:
this is only the beginning
is spoken, then the 6th string is chugged on a bit, then a snare hit and pause with silence while the line:
but you'll be praying for the end
is screamed with both a high scream and a low growl

then the song would end on a breakdown that is started by the last line of the song

thats what I got so far lol
Originally Posted by NAME GOES HERE
Dude, with a name like Cannibal Corpse, what were you expecting? Ponies and rainbows?

#6
^
edit instead of double posting. and be careful how you use your replies. you only get 3.
after that, you can only reply to a direct question about the piece.
(read the rules in the announcement at the top of this forum)

Quote by lpguitarplayer3
It just gets to the point that you wanna beat the hell out of him to teach him a lesson...to get him to realize that he needs to come back down to earth and stop hiding behind false intellect...overall that line is saying you intelligence proves to be ignorance, like what he believes is intelligence in his mind just comes off as condescending and ignorant to those around him
work on getting more of that idea across.

it isn't intelligence after all, is it? pseudo-intelligence. a facade.
the logic isn't supreme, it's hollow.
use a thesaurus and get some ideas on how to work those ideas into the piece.
you don't have to get the message 100% accurate,
but making what you offer come across with more clarity will help.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#7
The lyrics are the perfect attitude for the genre

Are there two characters speaking? I think its kind of hard to tell.

"Don’t beg for death,
I won’t give you the easy way out.
You will live with your choices,
You made your own future.
I’m only showing the world
Who you really are."

^i love this part lol because its propbably what my dad would say if i tried to kill myself


oh, and lpguitarplayer3, if you can't find a proper word, it sometimes help to use a thesaurus, cause sometimes i'll just open a thesaurus and kind of make something out of all the words in front of me

c4c? http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=877856
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#8
I like it..kinda made me feel wierd reading..idk if it was meant to be funny but the last line got a laugh outta me..just kinda unexpected.Overall...its pretty cool.

By the way thnks for the crit on me lyrics..i wasnt sure about the spelling so i just went with it
#9
Your supreme logic has failed you.
Your intelligence proves ignorance,

they both say about the same thing
and the second one sounds better in my head

besides that i think its pretty good
few minor flaws but your new to writing so thats normal

just keep looking back on this piece every now and then
if you find something that you kinda think you can make better
go ahead and do it
#10
Violence is an option, the option I will take (Violence is the option that i will take)
I will show you what true pain is. (kinda short but ok line)
As bones break and cartilage tears, (good)
My point comes across. (try something that ryhmes here)
Your blood on my hands,
I take pleasure in teaching you this lesson. (too long)
Consciousness evades you,
Your world begins to blur, (both good lines <^)
This is only the beginning,
But you’ll be praying for the end.
Your condescension is your downfall
Your supreme logic has failed you.
Your intelligence proves ignorance, (ignorant sounds better)
And now your world comes crashing down.

Don’t ask why,
You already know the answer
To anything and everything. (words sound better reversed "everything and anything")
Don’t beg for death,
I won’t give you the easy way out.
You will live with your choices,
You made your own future.
I’m only showing the world
Who you really are.
You stupid…f***ing…b***h!
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