#1
One of my bleaker songs.... I wrote ir about a year and a half ago and found it amongst a box of old stuff. So i sat with it and put some music to it and it seemed to turn out alright... kind of depressing to me, but alright... Tell meh watcha think


Long halls and faded doors ( doors)
Seem to mirror everything I have been.
I have seen and I have heard of these memories
Who I was way back then.

Can you seem to hold, this world in a glass?
And swirl it around? Let these times pass?
Can you play, fool, to this watchman's King?
These things, and thoughts. All I can ask.
Plague these memories of a time long past.

With every inch, and every turn
There seems, a new way to learn.
A thread of wool, encompassing these thoughts
But wool is the easiest to burn

Can you seem to hold, this world in a glass?
And swirl it around? Let these times pass?
Can you play, fool, to this watchman's King?
These things, and thoughts. All I can ask.
Plague these memories of a time long past.

then repeat the chorus one more time....
#2
OMG! that was actually GOOD!
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"It doesn't get much beter than that! Ok, maybe a free ibanez guitar and marshall half-stack in perfect condition would be better, but free pancakes comes right behind that"

Quote by neptune1988
"My tone should be like me........FAT! "
#3
what style of music you put it to? im guessing alternative
My last.fm
Quote by OMMad
i've always found pop to be harder to play than metal... especially shred metal... it's just really fast tremolo picking and the occasional palm mute... and the only chords you have to worry about are power chords...
#4
All the question marks gave it the effect of sounding all swirly and stuff, which is good

"Can you seem to hold, this world in a glass?
And swirl it around? Let these times pass?
Can you play, fool, to this watchman's King?
These things, and thoughts. All I can ask.
Plague these memories of a time long past."

I like the chorus because it fits. Its kind of hard to explain though. Watchman's King really sticks out

I think it would be nice if you added a bridge or something after the repearted chorus

I'm thinking alternative too

c4c plshttps://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=877856
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On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#5
One of the better ones I've read on here...

Long halls and faded doors ( doors)
Seem to mirror everything I have been.
I have seen and I have heard of these memories
Who I was way back then.

I like the ABBC rhyming, it's different but works well because of the double rhyme in line 3, also the differing syllable lengths between the lines help to emphasise and vary the rhythm.

Can you seem to hold, this world in a glass?
And swirl it around? Let these times pass?
Can you play, fool, to this watchman's King?
These things, and thoughts. All I can ask.
Plague these memories of a time long past.

As someone said above, the use of the question marks is really good and adds a dynamic to the lines. I especially liked the second line, with the commas and the 'watchmen's King' hook. Though maybe I'd suggest using a different word in place of 'things'... something more poetic/descriptive that would be more in keeping with the spirit.

With every inch, and every turn
There seems, a new way to learn.
A thread of wool, encompassing these thoughts
But wool is the easiest to burn

My favourite verse, nothing really to add here, it works perfectly
Can you seem to hold, this world in a glass?
And swirl it around? Let these times pass?
Can you play, fool, to this watchman's King?
These things, and thoughts. All I can ask.
Plague these memories of a time long past.

I'd suggest maybe adding a bridge or perhaps changing the words of the last chorus, so that you still have the 'Can you play, fool, to this watchman's King' line but yeah varying a bit to add an extra dynamic. Just my .02. But congrats on a great song

If you wanna take a look at my new song, it's in my sig.
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
RED MILITIA FACTION
#6
I really, really do like this song. A lot. I don't know what genre it's supposed to be, but as everyone else said, I'm imagining it as alternative rock. I kind of get a Coldplay vibe from it, which is awesome (IMO). Very well done. I'd like to hear the music from it if you have it recorded.
#7
I haven't posted anything in the alotted 6 days.. so i hope this bump is okay cuz i'd like to get more feedback for this song before i try to do anytihng with it in my band. lol. Yeah... don't ban meh....lol
#8
Long halls and faded doors ( doors)
Seem to mirror everything I have been.
I have seen and I have heard of these memories
Who I was way back then.
simple yet beutifull. i liekd the way you used the image fo the hall to represent your past. strong starter.
Can you seem to hold, this world in a glass?
And swirl it around? Let these times pass?
Can you play, fool, to this watchman's King?
These things, and thoughts. All I can ask.
Plague these memories of a time long past.


With every inch, and every turn
There seems, a new way to learn.
A thread of wool, encompassing these thoughts
But wool is the easiest to burn

wow.... im not sure i fully even understand what is happining here. its so deep, yet has that humor factor to it.last 2 line took my breath away
Can you seem to hold, this world in a glass?
And swirl it around? Let these times pass?
Can you play, fool, to this watchman's King?
These things, and thoughts. All I can ask.
Plague these memories of a time long past.

i didnt enjoy this one as much as the others, but still got your emotions across. g


good job man ver cool. crit mine? http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=882738
(We are) The anti-cancer
(We are) The only answer
Stripped down, we want you dead
But what's inside of me, you'll never know
(We are) Bipolar gods
(We are) You know what we are
#9
Quote by prydxkilxglory
One of my bleaker songs.... I wrote ir about a year and a half ago and found it amongst a box of old stuff. So i sat with it and put some music to it and it seemed to turn out alright... kind of depressing to me, but alright... Tell meh watcha think


Long halls and faded doors ( doors)
Seem to mirror everything I have been.
I have seen and I have heard of these memories
Who I was way back then.

Can you seem to hold, this world in a glass?
And swirl it around? Let these times pass?
Can you play, fool, to this watchman's King?
These things, and thoughts. All I can ask.
Plague these memories of a time long past.

With every inch, and every turn
There seems, a new way to learn.
A thread of wool, encompassing these thoughts
But wool is the easiest to burn(I like everything aside from burn, surprise!)

Can you seem to hold, this world in a glass?
And swirl it around? Let these times pass?
Can you play, fool, to this watchman's King?
These things, and thoughts. All I can ask.
Plague these memories of a time long past.(good chorus, it flows well)

then repeat the chorus one more time....


Were you thinking about this piece while writing the other one? They are kinda similar, which isnt bad, I borrow often. This(song) seems like you're depressed
and in school. Not as good as your other due to theme, but nice job still, I like your style you write a little more blunt than me but say the same thing and I dig it.

And had to get this in here to "damn women."