#1
Yes, as the title says, this is on the spot. I just feel like writing.... lemme know what ya think. ( it may sound a little strange, i'm in a weird mood and listening to alot of coheed and cambria, lol)

Verse:
This rope has a stranglehold ( stranglehold)
And tightens with each jerk.
Taut and lighter, the air seems to flow
Amongst these days, that grow so old. ( they grow so old)

Chorus:
Just too high to feel, these growing chains
And the pains that increase to flow.
With this microphone. I'll turn your world.
And change the face of coming and go.

The thrill is gone, But I'll never be done.(Done)

Verse:
One look in the mirror and you could see.
Everything that You wish I could be.
You pray on these thoughts,
And prey on these infections.
And I'll pray on your eyes,
Each of the numbered little sections.

Bridge:
Most wanted to see, how these things could affect me.
How very little you seem to know.
I'll change the face, Come and go.
but you'll still be the cretin that i'll never need.
And you'll save you're lies for those that could listen.

Chorus:
Just too high to feel, these growing chains
And the pains that increase to flow.
With this microphone. I'll turn your world.
And change the face of coming and go.

The thrill is gone, But I'll never be done.(Done)

But I'll never be done( Done!!)
#2
Pretty catchy, mind posting the chord progressions/tabs for this? I wouldn't mind playing this at some campfires. *no copyright infringment intended*
#3
Nice. I like the rhymes. It has a good subject imo. Definitely somethin that should be addressed. I officially dub it righteous!
#4
Been meaning to get to you on this one

Verse:
This rope has a stranglehold ( stranglehold)
And tightens with each jerk.
Taut and lighter, the air seems to flow
Amongst these days, that grow so old. ( they grow so old)

I really like this verse, the only thing I'd suggest is that lighter throws the flow a bit, maybe change it to '...and light, as the air seems...'?

Chorus:
Just too high to feel, these growing chains I'd change this to 'Too high to feel these encroaching chains' I think it flows better, but it's up to you of course.
And the pains that increase to flow. 'Increase in flow' maybe?
With this microphone. I'll turn your world. Replace the '.' with a comma and the last '.' with a semi-colon?
And change the face of coming and go. Something about 'coming' just doesn't feel right to me, maybe add an extra syllable in somewhere so that you can change it to 'come' simply.

The thrill is gone, But I'll never be done.(Done)

Verse:
One look in the mirror and you could see.
Everything that You wish I could be.
You pray on these thoughts,
And prey on these infections.
And I'll pray on your eyes,
Each of the numbered little sections.

Loved the interchange between 'prey' and 'pray' simple, but effective. However I didn't like the 'little' in the last line. I don't think it's necessary and it would mean that the last line matches the 4th one, which would help the flow.

Bridge:
Most wanted to see, how these things could affect me.
How very little you seem to know.
I'll change the face, Come and go.
but you'll still be the cretin that i'll never need.
And you'll save you're lies for those that could listen.

Liked the way you return to the 'come and go' theme. Not sure about the use of the word 'cretin' but that's just my personal opinion... but maybe you want to change 'still be' to 'stay' ? Also in the last line 'you're' should be 'your'... sorry minor nitpicking, but important to the reader. And lastly maybe the last line doesn't need the 'could'...

Chorus:
Just too high to feel, these growing chains
And the pains that increase to flow.
With this microphone. I'll turn your world.
And change the face of coming and go.

The thrill is gone, But I'll never be done.(Done)

But I'll never be done( Done!!)

Great ending of the song. But to finalise it a bit more maybe, the last line would be more effective with an 'and' instead of the 'But' possibly.
Overall actually a really commendable effort, like someone said above, good to just grab a guitar and sing it. Sorry if I picked it to pieces, but I felt they were just minor things that would perfect the flow and structure of the piece.
Mine's in my sig if you want to savage it
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