#1
I've judged alot of other peoples lyrics so it's only fair I have a turn now, this is called 'Under the Spotlight' and its about being around people who you know are watching you and constantly judging and expecting things from you as I felt the day I wrote this, its kinda long, sorry:

Verse
They all say
Its got to be easy
They all say
watch your back
I never live up to
my expectations
I set my sights
on bigger complications
Once its done
it never seems too easy
lookin' back
we were lied to 'bout them freebies
Now and then
with little confrontation
all the time
and you'll notice i'm not patient

Chorus
you stare discretely as I fall
it's like you never knew me at all
I know now, nothing is right
So i'll spend a little more time under the spot light

Verse
Try a little
and the lot goes on wanting
take the high road
beacuse the low is dissapointing
on the hills
where death keeps on waiting
on the pills
I just can't read the writing

Chorus
you stare discretely as I fall
it's like you never knew me at all
I know now, nothing is right
So i'll spend a little more time under the spot light

Interlude
You say i'm going no where fast
you blame me for being stuck in the past
I tried to fit into your world
I tried to walk but the judgement swirled
I'm not a subject to this
cus' when I go theres no one I miss
i'm not gonna stay and stare a while
i'm just gonna leave in my own damn style

Last Chorus
you stare discretely as I fall
it's like you never knew me at all
I know now, nothing is right
So i'll spend a little more time under the spot light
You stare descretely as I stand tall
you watch freely as I kill them all
don't make me a part of this
when I go theres nothing I will miss
#2
Quote by aaciseric
I've judged alot of other peoples lyrics so ...
yes. yes, you have.
gotta respect someone who pays their dues first.


Verse
They all say
Its got to be easy
They all say
watch your back
I never live up to
my expectations
I set my sights
on bigger complications
this line pair is the peak in the beginning.
setting your sights on bigger complications is a slight hook.

Once its done
it never seems too easy
lookin' back
we were lied to 'bout them freebies
Now and then
with little confrontation
all the time
and you'll notice i'm not patient
nothing really wrong with the last half of this verse.
but nothing amazingly right about it either.
it's a bit bland. no colour. nothing much happens. it's static.
everything just "is".


Chorus
you stare discretely as I fall
it's like you never knew me at all
if you keep this line, you might change like to as if.
I know now, nothing is right
So i'll spend a little more time under the spot light
a chorus is the most important part of a song
it's an opportunity to drive the message home repeatedly.
you need to be slightly ambiguous so you don't tell the whole story before the last verse.
and it needs to fit with each verse that comes along.
i didn't much care for the second and third lines of this.
it would seem a logical extension of first line
to play up the angle they had looked intently, but only at the surface.
if you can do that and say it in a way that sounds fresh
i think that would be a win.
it makes no difference when sung,
but for display on the page, make spotlight one word.


Verse
Try a little
and the lot goes on wanting
take the high road
beacuse the low is dissapointing *because *disappointing
on the hills
where death keeps on waiting
on the pills
I just can't read the writing

Chorus
you stare discretely as I fall
it's like you never knew me at all
I know now, nothing is right
So i'll spend a little more time under the spot light

Interlude
You say i'm going no where fast *nowhere
you blame me for being stuck in the past
I tried to fit into your world
I tried to walk but the judgement swirled *judgment
I'm not a subject to this
cus' when I go theres no one I miss *there's
the second instance of I should be changed to I'll
i'm not gonna stay and stare a while
i'm just gonna leave in my own damn style

Last Chorus
you stare discretely as I fall *discretely (you had it right in the other choruses, lol)
it's like you never knew me at all
I know now, nothing is right
So i'll spend a little more time under the spot light
You stare descretely as I stand tall *discretely
you watch freely as I kill them all
don't make me a part of this
when I go theres nothing I will miss


this is quite good for black/white/grey, but in the absence of a strong hook or two, it would benefit from more colour.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#3
Thanks for that, by the way i'm not a complete idiot lol, I just don't bother with grammer and spelling much when I write lyrics because I generally write for myself.
#4
I like the overall feel of it, it sounds like one of those songs that would just tear it up with a guitar solo before the interlude. The only thing I would consider redoing was "stare discretely" it's an oxy moron, I get that, but I don't think it drives the point home of how this person is effecting you.
#5
Yeah there is a guitar solo before the interlude and i'll reconsider some of these lines from the points you made, thanks for the comments.