#1
This is a slower song, it's kind of a mix of Creed, and A Perfect Circle. The verses are very dischordiant. The first chorus is softer with a loft of ringing of open strings, and the second chorus is on distortion and slightly heavy yet melodic. C4C

Part One: Nothing To Hide
I watch as the pieces fall out of place,
I watch as the pieces collide.
The blood and tears, roll down his face
I watch as he runs and hides.

With six feet to go, there's no turning back,
The damage is done and his grave has been dug
The eyes of the Victims stabbing his back
And he doesn't realize, that all of his sins cost their lives

In desperation he begs for life,
Knowing all to well
That his time is past, it's time to move on
That all he could do has been done

With six feet to go, there's no turning back,
The damage is done and his grave has been dug
The eyes of the Victims stabbing his back
And he doesn't realize, that all of his sins cost their lives

Part 2: Heaven's lights
With only his shadow, beside him,
He walks the dark, rainy streets.
Hand in hand he drops to his knees

There's no time left, he's out of breath,
His last request, a wish for death.
With the bright lights coming
He waits with pleasure
For Heaven's lights, to take him away
to take him away, to take him away

In all this black, he sees the white
closer and closer, every second an hour.
The Gates appear and they open wide,
waiting, just waiting, for him to step inside

There's no time left, he's out of breath,
His last request, a wish for death.
With the bright lights coming
He waits with pleasure
For Heaven's lights, to take him away
to take him away, to take him away

This one's a bit more literal but has some symbolic meanings/metaphors in it as well.
Last edited by drag_the_waters at Jun 7, 2008,
#2
Sooooo... is he dead? His grave's been dug and he begs for life, but he also runs and hides. Also, how's his sins cost their life? Explain! And how could he have done all he could by sinning? It's vague, but alright. Add some more storyline to it.
#3
Quote by Ninjamonkey767
Sooooo... is he dead? His grave's been dug and he begs for life, but he also runs and hides. Also, how's his sins cost their life? Explain! And how could he have done all he could by sinning? It's vague, but alright. Add some more storyline to it.


This is the first part of a two part song. I would post the other part but i'd probably get a warning because whenever I make a thread with one of my songs, even though I believe I followed the rules I get told that I'm going to get a warning and then the thread gets closed.
This part has a bit more meaning than the literal interpretation. The word HE is a symbol for the world and the whole song is talking about how humanity has messed with the world to much (sinning) and now that it's coming to an end the world wants to carry on but there's nothing that "he" can do.
The first verse is about like seeing it happening to the world and just being a spectator of the event but also a part of it. As for the running and hiding it's that "he" doesn't face his problems with decency or honor.
Thanks for the crit, i'll work on critting yours in a minute here, I just got a couple things I have to take care of real quick.
#4
Okay, it makes alot more sense now. The only flaw I can see is "HIS sins cost THEIR lives". Same person, different name. Other than that minor grievance, it's decent. Can't imaging what part two could be, so I'm looking forward to the concept. (My idea: superman comes back and fixes everything)
#5
Quote by Ninjamonkey767
Okay, it makes alot more sense now. The only flaw I can see is "HIS sins cost THEIR lives". Same person, different name. Other than that minor grievance, it's decent. Can't imaging what part two could be, so I'm looking forward to the concept. (My idea: superman comes back and fixes everything)


Haha, that'll be part 3.......
Ya I suppose that same person, different name thing doesn't really make all that much sense. But if I changed it to His sins cost his life, it would defeat the purpose of the second part of the song. But I don't know if i'll get yelled at for this but i'll just post the second part of it in here, seeings how it's the same song and all.
#6
Definitely check with a mod. And don't reply to this. If you do, you might get in trouble for bumping, which we've done quite enough of...
#7
Part one :
Seems like it would start off slow, but I like it.

"With six feet to go, there's no turning back,
The damage is done and his grave has been dug
The eyes of the Victims stabbing his back
And he doesn't realize, that all of his sins cost their lives"

This is awesomely written! Definitely some emotion in there! Maybe if you add on to it, describe how the victims of the situation feel towards him. Other than that make it a song and rock out man!

Part 2:

I think I like this part more, it just gives me more of a feeling for the song.


"In all this black, he sees the white
closer and closer, every second an hour.
The Gates appear and they open wide,
waiting, just waiting, for him to step inside"

Definitely my favorite piece in that one, it hits home, and hits it hard! Great job.
#8
"In all this black, he sees the white
closer and closer, every second an hour.
The Gates appear and they open wide,
waiting, just waiting, for him to step inside"

i really liked this one alot.
the flow is great! even with out some rythm to it.

its a touching song, you did a awesome job on it.

when you started it. i relized that you must have listened to Schism by Tool.
lol