#1
I know I just posted a thread in the Techniques board about how I was stuck with verses but right when I finished that thread, I started writing about how I couldn't write anything (oxymoron) and here's a fresh song from it. I don't know yet if I'll keep it, I'm thinking about it.

TAMED

[v1]
I'm feeling inspired but my pen
won't touch the paper and I know
you want to hear a new song from me.
I don't think I can help you out
'cause I don't know what to write about.
I know that sounds disappointing.

[ch]
My writing has been tamed
Never thought I'd be so ashamed
I just need to get something down.
I tried to write a new song for you
but my mind has been torn in two.
Now I just need to write something down.

[v2]
As I sit here, trying to think
my mind keeps drawing a blank
and the clock keeps turning.
My head must be fading out
'cause I don't know what to write about.
Maybe you can help me.

[ch]


The only inspiration I can think of right now
Is you
My own imagination is failing me now
It's true
I just need one line
To break me free this time
Just make me feel alive

[ch] (first 3 lines clean, last 3 distorted)

[ch]


As always, constructive crits are welcome. Again, this was just something that broke me out of a spell of writer's block, I don't know yet whether I'll keep it or not.
#2
Quote by AlmostLikeLife
I know I just posted a thread in the Techniques board about how I was stuck with verses but right when I finished that thread, I started writing about how I couldn't write anything (oxymoron) and here's a fresh song from it. I don't know yet if I'll keep it, I'm thinking about it.

TAMED

[v1]
I'm feeling inspired but my pen
won't touch the paper and I know
(The rhythm is iambic. It's important that you start a piece with a fairly strict meter, even if the rest of it doesn't abide. As long as I know what you're working from, I can tell when you make small adjustments. Other than the quick "feeling inspired", you made the meter known.)
you want to hear a new song from me.
I don't think I can help you out
'cause I don't know what to write about.
I know that sounds disappointing.
(That last line is an abrubt way to end it. Maybe that's the plan, but I don't like it, in my honest opinion.)

[ch]
My writing has been tamed
Never thought I'd be so ashamed
I just need to get something down.
I tried to write a new song for you
but my mind has been torn in two.
Now I just need to write something down.
(I was going to say line four was out of place, but then I found that you were doing triplets. Make a visual indicator of that to help the reader: seperate every three lines.)

[v2]
As I sit here, trying to think
my mind keeps drawing a blank
and the clock keeps turning.
(Feels kinda short. I just thought of this one: "And the clock keeps rearing it's head". You keep worrying about how you can't write, and everytime you look at the clock, it's worse. But all you want is for time to be on your side. My crack at it.)
My head must be fading out
'cause I don't know what to write about.
Maybe you can help me.

[ch]


The only inspiration I can think of right now
Is you
My own imagination is failing me now
It's true
I just need one line
To break me free this time
Just make me feel alive
(A little cliche, but not too much.)

[ch] (first 3 lines clean, last 3 distorted)

[ch]


As always, constructive crits are welcome. Again, this was just something that broke me out of a spell of writer's block, I don't know yet whether I'll keep it or not.


Overall, decent work.