#1
Are you feeling sad
Are you down in the the dumps
Are you feeling bad
Just **** out of luck

Or are you mad
filled with rage
or feeling had
trapped in a cage

Just take this here
or three or four
you'll see things
never seen before

if it works
you'll feel a little funny
you can feel damn good
for just a little money

don't fear now
put your trust in me
put down your guard
and let you mind run free


Are you feeling happy?
are you feeling glad?
No, your drugged
and feeling sad

the damn things!
they scrambled your brain!
one more time
you're completey insane

One more time
just tell yourself that
you're gone for good
I'll drink to that!

you trusted me
you stupid ****
enjoy your life
it's gunna suck!
:stickpoke
#2
Quote by seanmc10
Are you feeling sad
Are you down in the the dumps
Are you feeling bad
Just **** out of luck
Lines one and three are pretty much the same. Cut one.

Or are you mad
filled with rage
or feeling had
trapped in a cage
Decent. Put a period after line three to help with the flow, would ya!

Just take this here
or three or four
you'll see things
never seen before
Okay, here we go. Development of a major theme. I have to say, though, these short lines are squeezing thoughts into tic-tacs, here. It's hurting your flow, because you have to skimp out on important words.

if it works
you'll feel a little funny
you can feel damn good
for just a little money
Lines two and three feel contradicting right beside each other. Idk...

don't fear now
put your trust in me
put down your guard
and let you mind run free


Are you feeling happy?
are you feeling glad?
No, your drugged
and feeling sad
I think these last two lines were a poor way to make the transition.

the damn things!
they scrambled your brain!
one more time
you're completey insane

One more time
just tell yourself that
you're gone for good
I'll drink to that!
Liked that last line.

you trusted me
you stupid ****
enjoy your life
it's gunna suck!


Decent song. The short lines hurt you, but it's still a fine piece.
Crit mine?