#1
This song was written at 1:30 am inspired by my love Jessica. We are getting alot of flak for the love we have so i wrote this song to keep her strong.

Hold onto me while you dream
of beautiful things that you've seen
open your eyes to your surprise
your dreams have come alive

Hold onto me while you cry
shed tears on the shoulder that is mine
lose yourself to rise above
I'm here to comfort you, my love

Hold onto me while we fight
the things people say to us in spite
I will be there by your side
would you be at mine tonight

Hold onto me our wedding day
just two final words that we must say
our time has finally arrived
baby let's run away tonight
#2
Quote by valeus

First off, I think your concept is solid enough. Not many errors. I will point out everything I can find.

Hold onto me while you dream
of beautiful things that you've seen
open your eyes to your surprise
your dreams have come alive
Hate to start you off with this, but it was not very strong. The lines didn't paint a powerful image. Take the first two: she's dreaming of something she has. Isn't a dream second place to the reality? So now you've nudged your relationship to second place. The next two: Tense is wrong. Line two of the stanza says "you have", which is past tense. "Surprise" and "have come alive" make it as though this is a new development.

Hold onto me while you cry
shed tears on the shoulder that is mine
lose yourself to rise above
I'm here to comfort you, my love
Whether your meter has line two labeled as superfluous or not, it's still goofy. And line three's "lose yourself" is cliche, and also has no real place in the piece.

Hold onto me while we fight
the things people say to us in spite
I will be there by your side
would you be at mine tonight
Okay. But I must say, your rhyme scheme got conjunctified because all four lines end with roguhly the same sound. And line two and three get connected because of their rhymes alliteration (starting with the same sound, if I have the term right). A rare problem, but not massive.

Hold onto me our wedding day
just two final words that we must say
our time has finally arrived
baby let's run away tonight
Considering your song was about endurance, I think it's very appropriate for you to say the second line. Creates a finality among the piece, and a sort of "we've made it" feel. Nicely done.


Your progression is good and your concept is solid, but these problems mentioned we're intrusive upon your piece. Other than that, solid.