#1
As that cursed full moon rises I crawl from the depths of that cave of death. Bone of the innocent litter the floor, remains of meals before. As the scent enter my longing nostrils I howl for blood to fulfill my demonic needs. I thirst for death and despair. All cower me, begging for mercy, I laugh at their meager pleas for life. Blood is spilt, floors stained from throats slit by a long curving claw. As the flesh touches my tongue I scream with pleasure. Ripping the belly to gorge upon the warm coiled entrails brings unholy pleasure greater than all. They light their torches and reach for pitch forks in the hope of ridding themselves of me, little do they know I would face all flame and steel for their their sweet, warm blood. No creature of the flesh can stop me, no creature divine will halt my hellish search for flesh. The night is mine, they all pray for the daylight to sent me away. Locked doors and boarded windows do naut but slow your fateful death. They know not what can stop me, crosses and holy water do nothing silver is all that I fear. The darkness ebbs around them, choking like my iron hand, day is soon approaching , my last victim for which I search, screaming I drag them to the depths of my cave from with none will return.


Tell me what you think.
#2
Well... i don't know what to think. Obviously, not a difficult subject. It seems like a series of one liners though, and having no verse, chorus, grouping, rhyme, rhythm or meter makes it weaker. Obviously, it's NOT one-liners, but a story. The problem is, the lack of the things mentioned (and the musical style, as well) make it seem that way. I was essentially reading a short story, not a song. I don't know if that's important to you or not, but it's my take on it...