#1
any crit greatly appreciated

See me i'm struck, i’m paralysed
So give me a shock and bring me to life
I’ve been alive and i’ve been breathing every other day
Whether i've been living or dieing is hard to say
These blurry shapes are casting memories
Of a life I thought that used to be
I know the questions to ask but the answers, the answers are hiding from me

Take a look at my reflection
And watch it spread the infection
As the image corrodes my eyes and makes me blind to myself

For 40 days and nights I have wondered
Trying to pledge my worth to a martyr
To someone who’ll be my guide
Who’ll show me a path to reach the other side
But that form that’s cast before my eyes
Am I looking at myself or a blue print of lies
Its shows a plan for destruction and how the feeling will keep me alive

Take a look at my reflection
And watch it spread the infection
As the image corrodes my eyes and makes me blind to myself
#2
Quote by swell_bucket
any crit greatly appreciated

See me i'm struck, i’m paralysed
So give me a shock and bring me to life
I’ve been alive and i’ve been breathing every other day
Whether i've been living or dieing is hard to say
These blurry shapes are casting memories
Of a life I thought that used to be
I know the questions to ask but the answers, the answers are hiding from me

The opening two lines are a little overused for my taste. "I've been alive and I've been breathing every other day" is a very nice line. Its original and true.
"These blurry shapes" feels very forced and uncontrollable. What "blurry shapes" are "casting" what "memories"? The last two lines are more than fine.


Take a look at my reflection
And watch it spread the infection
As the image corrodes my eyes and makes me blind to myself

The rythming here is OK, for want a better word. Nice imagery here with your eyes collapsing around themselves, and being unable to see why. Doesn't feel that similar to a chorus, but its alright.

For 40 days and nights I have wondered
Trying to pledge my worth to a martyr
To someone who’ll be my guide
Who’ll show me a path to reach the other side
But that form that’s cast before my eyes
Am I looking at myself or a blue print of lies
Its shows a plan for destruction and how the feeling will keep me alive

Nice Bible symbolism with "40 days and nights" and "martyr". Follows the theme well. The "guide" line is a bit cliched. The path idea has been used many times in poems, stories and songs and I prefer it to be left alone. Just my preference. The next three lines are nicely woven together; Simple but effective rythming with relatively original ideas. Nice work. Best verese.


Take a look at my reflection
And watch it spread the infection
As the image corrodes my eyes and makes me blind to myself



Ends simply with a repeated chorus. Overal, I think you need to alter some of your metaphors and themes, there a little cliched. Other than that, I loved some of your wordings and darkly woven points.