What do u think..

The words, came out,
flapped in the air
and retreated back there
wind picks at the strands
of her once blonde hair

i really need to stay away from me
get some room to breath
deep and calm
running tracks down one arm

it must take a steady hand
or her flawless story

that’s kind of it at the mo
It's pretty good. What I noticed mostly was your rhyme scheme. Fresh and appropriate for each situation. Flow was a little off kilter in stanza two, but if you have music set up, then sweet.

Crit mine in my sig?
I think you could expand on it and make it a more complete piece. The only part I didn't really like was the line that said I really need to stay away from me. It sounded kinda cheesey. I know what you wanted to convey, but I think you could do it in a different way. If you get a chance crit mine please http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...ad.php?t=879491
I felt like a monster reincarnation of Horatio Alger......a man on the move and just sick enough to be totally confident.

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Oh and Zeke, i find you to be over-rated