#1
Knives, Milk-Plus


I wrote this while reading a very dear and special book, which is very obvious when reading this which book it is. It isn't really so much a song as just something that flowed without stopping while reading this. Not much i'll do with it. Just would like to know if it at least entertained someone...

The is night still young my brothers
We haven't done so much, yet
The knives are just starting to puncture,
Real HorrorShow like

My little brothers, you see
After giving his cutter the old scatter treatment
We cracked his rot real good like
and the Red, my brothers!
Started to flow

The old veck all bent over,
Me with my mask on,
creates an awkward scene
To solve this equation
I gave the back of his head the old
boot treatment

White solid and Red liquid
spraying into different directions
is not an awkward scene
for Me

It was real Beautiful like, really
My little brothers
If only the old veck had a snapshot
as so you could viddy the beauty as well

It was real HorrorShow like
Entoxicating isn't the right word but,
damn it dallys close

The Red pooling around my feet
all HorrorShow and Beautiful like
Really got me all going and what not
And brothers, you know I had to satisfy Myself

I gave the poor veck a grand kick in the pot
there was a gurgling sound and
coughing with a
"hack hack hack"
and the poor bastard spat forth
the Beautiful Red

He reached outward for shelter
but all he found was my boot
He clenched onto my pant leg
I flinched, really flinched
Filthy old bum
worthless in every sense
looking as though
at one time
he was the real school type

I gave his hand a good stomp
and his joints were aquainted
with Mr. Boot

and there was this loud
"crack crack crack"
sound, and truly
it was a symphony
my brothers,
truely Beautiful

The old bastard let forth
a truly unbeautiful
screech
Very unbecoming, my brothers
So i shoved my Ringy Fist into his toothless rot
as he raised up in his
HorrorShow pain

He lay there, brothers, just lay there
accepting what he thought was death
truly unbecoming
until finally he realized I lost interest
in the inflict

At that point I just stopped
and Viddyed the Scene
truly beautiful red

This was all and all
much beauty
but i knew what was still to come
my brothers

Finally I grew bored with the old veck
and let him stagger away
cursing or thanking God
for me letting him go,
I know not

For the night was still young
My Brothers...

Right, Right, Right?
-------------------------
this is all extremly rough with im sure a ton of mispelled words but i just want at least a couple people to read it and leave a link to some of there work so i could crit theres
#2
I'm gonna guess you were reading A Clockwork Orange. It's a cool book and so your song is pretty cool, but it seems to be teeter tottering on fan fiction which is not usually respected as much as original compositions. It sounds good and I think it's a good practice with tone and imagery. I bet you could do some great more original work because you are good with personal writing styles and have an open mind. If you get a chance crit mine please http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...ad.php?t=879491
I felt like a monster reincarnation of Horatio Alger......a man on the move and just sick enough to be totally confident.

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Oh and Zeke, i find you to be over-rated
#3
yeah i know what you mean but i just had so much fu with it i couldn't stop. i will put up some more original work but honestly i was inspired with it by another book i read, however i promise it is much more my origianl work. it probably won't be very good though. i tried the link you sent me but it said error 404 and said the page wasn't found if you could tell me the title and i could maybe find it or something i am new to this site, or actually this forum.