#1
Verse
If you give me a moment, to show you my life
In just a small moment, I can show you I’m right
Because what I’m been going through is hard to say
But nothing could be worse than you walking away

Chorus
Will you stand, be my guide
With the thorn, in your side
I may be wrong, make me right
In this dark be my light

And just give a moment
Just give me a moment (repeated many times)

Guitar solo

Chorus
Will you stand, be my guide
With the thorn, in your side
I may be wrong, make me right
In this dark be my light

And just give a moment
Just give me a moment (repeated many times)
#2
i like it
Lets make a toast...To women's underwear its not the best thing in the world but its next to it...
#3
Verse
If you give me a moment, to show you my life
In just a small moment, I can show you I’m right
Because what I’m been going through is hard to say
But nothing could be worse than you walking away
good opening. i think the third line is supposed to say I've not I'm

Chorus
Will you stand, be my guide
With the thorn, in your side
I may be wrong, make me right
In this dark be my light

And just give a moment
Just give me a moment (repeated many times)
I actually really like the chorus. good job here

Guitar solo

Chorus
Will you stand, be my guide
With the thorn, in your side
I may be wrong, make me right
In this dark be my light

And just give a moment
Just give me a moment (repeated many times)
see above

I mean it's simple but thats not a bad thing if you're just trying to write a simple song. sometimes i wish i could be less concerned about making my songs complicated and just write a catchy simple song like this. check my piece out here.

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=880086
#4
Quote by Jknipe91
Verse
If you give me a moment, to show you my life
In just a small moment, I can show you I’m right
Because what I’m been going through is hard to say
But nothing could be worse than you walking away

This stanza works really well. I'm should be I've I think. The rhyming scheme fits well, and the lines flow well. Solid verse

Chorus
Will you stand, be my guide
With the thorn, in your side
I may be wrong, make me right
In this dark be my light

I like all the lines except the second line. It doesn't flow well, I sort of stumbled on it, and it alludes to something you don't really expand into. The rhyming feels forced on the first two lines. Otherwise I think the chorus is good. It sort of contradicts the first stanza though, where it sounds like you're confident that you're right, but now you're questioning yourself. I don't know if thats what you wanted to say.

And just give a moment
Just give me a moment (repeated many times)

Guitar solo

Chorus
Will you stand, be my guide
With the thorn, in your side
I may be wrong, make me right
In this dark be my light

And just give a moment
Just give me a moment (repeated many times)


Other than that second line in the chorus I think the whole song had a nice flow. The rhyming was good. Overall I think its a nice short song. I think you could definitely either rewrite that second line or write another stanza to expand on it. Good job.
Using satire to reveal truth since October 2007