#1
It's kind of a rock instrumental piece. It started as something I recorded to solo over, but I came up with what I thought was a cool sounding theme, so I transfered it into GP and decided to fool around and add some bass and drums (neither of which I've played with before)

Anyway, here's what I've got so far, it's nowhere near complete but I think it's a pretty good start. Comments would definitely be appreciated.

Edit: This is the (almost) final version, two solos added and an acoustic interlude.
Attachments:
untitled.zip
Last edited by icronic at Jun 14, 2008,
#4
Wow man, first attempt at a song? 10/10! =P

Seriously though, this is miles better than any of my first songs. The guitar riff is extremely catchy, the drums and bass work well, and the lead guitar has some really cool ideas - I especially liked the melody you included into the solo and the harmonics you used.

To improve it, I think you could add some palm muting into the rhythm guitar, to give it more of that kind of chunky rock feel. As well as this, I would add another guitar, either clean to play full chords, or distorted to harmonise with the rhythm - this would make the guitar sound fuller, and if done well, a lot better.

Overall, though, you really have gotten yourself a nice song (so far, since it's unfinished) and for a first attempt that's awesome man!

C4C?

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=880744

Thanks!
#5
plz put it into gp4. just go *save as* and edit the file extention.
'If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.' Albert Einstein
#6
when I was preparing to open it, that was not what I was expecting =)

I'd give it a 10/10. I think I'll get me bass out and jam on it right now xD
#7
Thanks for the replies guys.

Here's a newer version, the ending is definitely a work in process, I'm not sure if I should just cut it entirely or what. As it is it doesn't seem to be fitting in as I first envisioned.

Anyway, this time it's in midi as well as both GP4 and 5.
Last edited by icronic at Jun 11, 2008,
#8
this is really good.
occasionally the drums arent the best, but
thats all i can really see that needs a lot of work
its great.
id reminds me of rush as well
'If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.' Albert Einstein
#9
I loved it, the drums had a bit of funk feel to them.

The guitar work sounded excellent, as well, but the drums really stood out for me.

All in all, the song had a good vibe to it, very prog-rock like.

9/10.
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#10
Alright, I'm basically done the song. I've got to fix up the drums in places and add some little fills and variations here and there. I've also got to slightly rephrase the main theme when it appears again after the acoustic break. I'm kind of up in the air about a few of the transitions that happen, so I might work to improve them as well.

I had a hell of a time with the two solos. The first one is close to what I had in mind, but not quite. What I had improvised was better, unfortunately the translation from guitar to guitar pro just killed me. The second solo is bunk as far as I'm concerned, but it's there as a placeholder, and I plan to just improvise something much better when I actually record the thing.

That said I'm feel rather please with the results for a first effort. Especially since I've never even attempted to do bass or drums before.

This is the last version I'll put up until it's actually a real recording.

And thank you for all the comments so far!
Last edited by icronic at Jun 14, 2008,
#11
well
that was without a doubt the best rock song i have ever heard on this site

absolutely perfect, even that solo that you dont like was great, and i know exactly where your coming from in the improv to gp transition, and how much it sucks

i dont think there was a single thing wrong out side a little bit of repetition that you said you were going to fix so i wouldnt worry about that

overall its a great peice of work, and definatley merits you a solid 10/10

but thatll be easy to break once you record it with real instruments

so there you go
10/10
awesome job

c4c?https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=875773
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#12
that was pretty awesome. I really loved listening to it, but don't feel like it's perfect because of all these 10/10's people are throwing out. you still have some things to work on. IMO some of the riffs were repeated way too many times and you could throw in a bunch of variations to make it more interesting.

but be proud. because I just wanted to give you something other than "dude!11!11!! sw33T!11!! 10/10 def man!" so you could improve your piece as you most likely want to
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#13
Well that pretty much kicked ass. Reminded me of Rush and good ol' prog . Everything about it was great, no down point or whatever. There were no negative points at all, everything about it is just great, if not perfect . I'm sorry, if I crit it in details it would be just numerous repetitions of "fuck this part is great"!

Tbh, the only thing that bothered me *a little bit* was the acoustic part, it just felt meh with heavy distortion on top of acoustic, but by the second time around hearing it it was all good, fell perfectly into place. I like the second solo better, but in no way was the first bad, no, it was also great. Just that I found the second to sound better . Ending was not so fulfilling, though it still worked.

All in all, I say you're a) lying that this is your first attempt at a song, or b) you're damn good at guitar and theory lol. I'm leaning more toward b), though . Nice work of art, really was a pleasant listen!
#14
That was pretty dang good. Especially for a first effort. My favorite part was where there was that little acoustc bit followed by the heavy rythm guitar. The solos were ok, they could've used a good once over, but my solos aren't that good either. I didn't like the end. It ended way too abruptly. I'll give it an 8.5/10.

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#15
Thanks guys for the comments, I really appreciate them.

Eternity: I would add an option C) Damned lucky
Also, the solo during the acoustic part isn't meant to be super distorted like it is right now. When I record it I actually plan to have a barely overdriven sound, coming from the neck pickup of a semi-hollow guitar. Something nice thick and warm.

Pink: Yeah, the solos were a little sloppy, I originally tried to transcribe the ones I improvised, but I was having too much trouble getting the timing right, so I just put the guitar down entirely and wrote them in GP. The first one I actually kind of like, the second one is just kind of a placeholder to indicate there is infact a solo.

I think why this worked out so well for me is that I never intended it to be a song when I started. I wanted to practice improvising over the modes, so I started writing a bunch of riffs in A Dorian to improvise over. None of the riffs connected very well, so I stuck that E chug part in between each one to connect them. After a while of improvising I started hearing recurring melodies, and the song pretty much created itself before I knew what I had.

I figured this one worked so well so I started another, but it seems a lot more of a struggle than this one ever did. It seems to always want to get stuck in one place and not leave. Well see how it turns out soon enough.
#16
The drums are relatively simple, but if you've never played drums in real life, and it's your first time, they do their job.

What I liked most was the bass. Every single bar was interesting, and there was some cool rhythms for sure. I seem to fall into the trap of straight 8th's or 16th's on the bass sometimes, but you did awesome.

10/10

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=887092
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#17
Ok, if this is your first attempt to an song, then congartulations! You made a nice piece of song there. Yeah, as the others said, it kinda reminds of Rush, the drumming style in parts of it sounds a bit like Rush´s "Anthem". But there were no parts that really catched me, so it kinda just ended up and I didn´t remember much of it. Work on it a bit, and it´ll be better. Nice work!
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#18
This is great song. And for a first song it's really really good job.

My suggestions would be to change the drums, they are the only instrument that I thought that really could have been better as they didn't power up the energies in the song, but I suppose you don't play drums so I understand the lack of practice in rhythm. The other thing I thought that could have been better was the acoustic bit, which in fact got better after the lead guitar kicked in.

Nothing to say about bass, I thought it was perfect.
Both guitars complemented each other well.

Good job 8/10.
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#19
EH?????

when i play this it sounds like some kind of demo from an old keyboard or something??? There's no guitar it sounds synthesised?

I'm sure I'm doing something wrong, anyone help?
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#20
Quote by mattiwillohouse
EH?????

when i play this it sounds like some kind of demo from an old keyboard or something??? There's no guitar it sounds synthesised?

I'm sure I'm doing something wrong, anyone help?

lol. It's called midi dude. Most of the songs in this forum are midi compositions.
I'm a person.
#22
Great song, particularly for a first effort. I felt some of the transitions between sections were a bit too strange, it might help to smooth some of them out.

I really like the acoustic parts, they worked really well with the distortion coming back each time, although I would've loved to hear one of them develop into a solo directly, rather than going back to the distortion first. Maybe a bit more harmonising over the acoustic part wouldve helped too.

The ending was way too abrupt for me, maybe you could finish with a breakdown or something, just to give it a bit more strength at the end.

I think this would come out really well live, you've got all the makings for quite an exciting song. Are you able to play it?
#23
First off, cheers for critting my song. I've updated it loads, so if you got time, check the newer version? Links in my sig. Now, your song - that's why I'm here, so...

...the first thing that strikes me about the intro is how wonderful the bass is, top marks. That guitar riff is fairly driving too.
The bar 9 fill is mint, and I dig the new riff, and that lead guitar part just swims in, at exactly the right time.
The bar 21 fills, I likes them too.

Now... bar 23... ...I like odd rhythms, but sticking those triplets on the kick drum, that just doesn't seem to sit well with me, it puts the whole thing off balance.
The rhythm guitar parts around there are cool though.

That riff from bar 27 plays through 5 times? For this sorta music, that's kinda odd.

That clean part is AMAZING, and the overdriven guitars really punch in there, and then there's a cool riff, that goes straight back into the cleans? I'm not so sure about that. This is your first song? ...for future stuff, watch your structure. I guess the best way to check you got that nice and comfortable is to give it to other people to listen to. Which you have, so nice one there.

Bar 48 is a wicked bar, and it goes so well into the next clean section.
...which rather reminds me of Classical Gas, so awesome.
You got the solo of that perfect, by the way.

Bar 68? Oh well done. That section came in at exactly the right time.
As did the riff just after it, and the solo over that.
The solo which was right on the money.

Bar 83... that harmony caught me off. Personally, instead of sticking a 1/4 bend on that G, I'd have used a full bend. Also, try a full bend, but instead of a G there, try the A two frets up? Just a suggestion, if I may be so bold.

Solo wise, I particularly liked bars 86 and 87.

I liked the way you bring that riff back for bar 90, and again enjoying that lead guitar part. Very well placed, actually.

Bar 101 is cool, and once again, nicely done bringing an old section back.
Did I mention how cool the lead guitar is in bar 104?

Bar 107, again, it's good to hear that section another time, and the rhythm guitar parts really make this song. The catchiness, and the sheer groove of it all keeps this from becoming even slightly repetitive. Still, playing that riff through 5 times is still kinda odd.

Yay for the clean part as an ending.
Kinda cuts off though, don't you think?
Personally, I'd stick another few bars on the end of this, and fill 'em with a nice big E powerchord, maybe some fancy drums to end it all.

Other than that, this has gotta be a 9/10, and an immense first song.

You either seriously know what your doing, or just have a gift.


Let me know if you do any more work on this, please!

Rob
#24
Thanks for all the great replies guys

thesyndicate: My band actually kind of jammed through it a few times, and it did sound rather massive. I don't quite play it like it's written though. I wrote each section on it's own, which in retrospect was kind of silly because there are some awkward shifts at a few points. I've also got a rough recording of it but I'm having trouble getting the mix right. I've never really recorded anything before either so it's all just a work in progress.


Quote by ealtdharkon
First off, cheers for critting my song. I've updated it loads, so if you got time, check the newer version? Links in my sig. Now, your song - that's why I'm here, so...


Thank you again, this kinda crit really helps me to figure things out.


Now... bar 23... ...I like odd rhythms, but sticking those triplets on the kick drum, that just doesn't seem to sit well with me, it puts the whole thing off balance.
The rhythm guitar parts around there are cool though.


I have a love hate thing going with this particular part. I knew that it would kind of throw people, so there's that nagging part in the back of my head that keeps telling me to put a normal beat in, but the rest of me says, it's cool I like it keep it! If I ever do a real quality recording of the song I would definitely change that though.

That riff from bar 27 plays through 5 times? For this sorta music, that's kinda odd.


Yeah, I realized that there were structural problems after I put the whole thing together, it seems to be a tendency I have to play thing's one too many or one too few times. I figured it sounded decent as it was so I just kind of left it.

That clean part is AMAZING, and the overdriven guitars really punch in there, and then there's a cool riff, that goes straight back into the cleans? I'm not so sure about that.


To clarify, you're suggesting it might be a better idea to only play the clean part (bars 37-40) once instead of twice? I thought about this, but I figured twice would build things up to the chug riff a little more.

Bar 83... that harmony caught me off. Personally, instead of sticking a 1/4 bend on that G, I'd have used a full bend. Also, try a full bend, but instead of a G there, try the A two frets up? Just a suggestion, if I may be so bold.


I sat staring at bar 83, then reading what you said, then back to looking at the song again, and wondering to myself... What the hell is he talking about... there's no harmony, there's no 1/4 on a G... there's no G note at all... I AM bending the A. Then in a moment of revelation I realized that it was one of the few things I changed since uploading the song.

Yay for the clean part as an ending.
Kinda cuts off though, don't you think?
Personally, I'd stick another few bars on the end of this, and fill 'em with a nice big E powerchord, maybe some fancy drums to end it all.


Yeah, I've been working on the ending, but I've yet to come up with anything that pleases me. It's really surprising that the most difficult part to figure out is the ending.
#25
this is awesome, the acoustic part is by far my fav, all the stored up energy and then you put a lid on it and make it wait for a couple seconds, it builds up the anticapation and is a really nice way to release the energy. luv it. and, idk if you noticed, but at 28, that is the exact part to "Carry On My Wayward Son" don't know if you heard that song, and i dont' think anyone really cares. And all the random solos everywhere just fill it in so well. thx for the crits man, ur stuff is awesome.
#26
Quote by M-String
and, idk if you noticed, but at 28, that is the exact part to "Carry On My Wayward Son" don't know if you heard that song, and i dont' think anyone really cares.


Yeah, I think there are also two or three licks in there that are very similar to stuff by Satriani too. I've spent so much time playing Satriani stuff and I'm in a Blues/Classic rock band, so that kind of stuff kind of just slips into my playing and my writing

Anyway, with a little luck I'll have an actual recording on this one soon.
#27
50-71 was amazing dude. the whole song is good, but that part stood out to me.

good job, especially for a first song. keep it up!
#28
reminds me of Jethro Tull except that it doesn't have the crapp flute, so Im going for an 8/10, not really a fan of that weird (progressive) rock.