#1
I've seen my share of drummer, bassist and guitarist joke threads here and there, so I decided to put em all together. (No Offense to those instrument players, I'm only doing this for teh lolz)

Post any (Musician Type Jokes here)

-What did the drummer say before he got fired? "Hey guys, let's try some of my songs!"

-"Will the 4 musicians and the drummer please come on the stage?"
Gear List:
'97 Gibson Explorer w/ Duncan SH-4 and SH-2
Fender Jazz Bass 'Crafted in Japan'
Yamaha Acoustic Guitar
Vox AD30VT w/ VFS2
Roland Cube 30 Bass
Modded "St. Louis" Wah
Dunlop .88 Tortex picks
#3
Q: Why was the piano invented?
A: So the musician would have a place to put his beer.
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#5
Whats the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

-You only have to punch the information into a drum machine once.

Two guys were walking down the street,
one was a musician,
the other guy didn't have a job either...
"You cant fight in here, this is the war room!"
#7
Why didn't the guitarist use the search bar before making a thread done 110000000 times?
New To Town With A Made Up Name

In The Angel's City

Chasing Fortune And Fame
09/03/2012
#8
Joe Satriani....sounds like some wannabe guitarist to me
" i saw these 2 girls kiss and i i got all horny and stuff"
#9
What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

Drool.

What is the difference between a drummer and drum machine?

The drum machine actually keeps time and it wont sleep with your girlfriend.
#10
During a rock concert, in the middle of a guitar solo, the vocalist forgets the lyrics to the next verse.
He asks the guitarist, and the guitarist says: "Not now, I'm in the middle of the solo".
He asks the bassist, and the bassist says: "Not now, I'm in the middle of the bassline".
He asks the drummer, and the drummer says: "Wait a minute, what song are we playing?"
#11
Why do guitarist have calluses?

Because repeated contact with the strings causes the body to react by sending keratins to the source of contact, which causes the skin to toughen.


I love anti-jokes.
PPPPPPPOSTFINDER
#12
Quote by breadstick
Why do guitarist have calluses?

Because repeated contact with the strings causes the body to react by sending keratins to the source of contact, which causes the skin to toughen.


I love anti-jokes.


LOL
#13
How many drummers does it take to replace a light bulb?

None, they have a machine for that now to.

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THE ASTRAL PANDA σƒ τλε τρπ βπστλεπλσσδ

╠═══════╬═══════╣


Last.fm
#14
A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, "So, what did you learn?"
"Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string."

Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, "this time I learned the first five notes on the A string."

One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks, "hey, what happened in today's lesson?"

"Dad, I'm sorry but I couldn't make it to my lesson. I had a gig!"


(this is the part where you laugh)
#15
I broke a g string fingering a minor.

...

Quote by Vornik
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to put it, along with your other advice, into a book, the pages of which I will then use to wipe my ass.
#16
Why did the women buy a bass?


Because they are so simple, she can play and cook and clean at the same time!
#19
Quote by dann_blood
I broke a g string fingering a minor.

...






win
I love all forms of Rock 'n' Roll, past and NOT present
#21
im a drummer...as well as a guitarist... cant we bag the bassist? LOL
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"Never interrupt an enemy when he is making a mistake."
~Napoleon Bonaparte
Last edited by dayvbayb at Jun 10, 2008,
#22
Quote by breadstick
Why do guitarist have calluses?

Because repeated contact with the strings causes the body to react by sending keratins to the source of contact, which causes the skin to toughen.


I love anti-jokes.

#23
What's the funniest thing about 4 drummers in a car flying off a cliff?


Nothing. They were my friends.
"When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point."
#24
Quote by brleealbright
What's the funniest thing about 4 drummers in a car flying off a cliff?


Nothing. They were my friends.

PPPPPPPOSTFINDER
#26
How many members of UG does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All of them.
One to put it in, and the rest to say dragonforce could have done it faster.
Quote by soulflyV
Quote by Xplozive
Once I was pissing in the kitchen sink when I'd had a few and my friend walked in and goes wtf.

Once I was pissing in my friend when a few had I'd and my sink wtf goes in and walked.
#27
Quote by plastercaster
How many members of UG does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All of them.
One to put it in, and the rest to say dragonforce could have done it faster.

It would be one to say Dragonforce could do it faster, one to say "LOL HERMAN RI **** ON YER HEAD", and the other 400k to say Dragonforce sucks
#28
What's a guitarist without a girlfriend? Homeless.
Signatures are overrated.
#30
Quote by Shaharz
Q: What do all guitarists have in common?
A: They all play guitar.


I think you may be onto something here...

<.<

>.>

TO THE LAB!!!

╠═══════╬═══════╣

THE ASTRAL PANDA σƒ τλε τρπ βπστλεπλσσδ

╠═══════╬═══════╣


Last.fm
#31
long, but amusing.

A drummer dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, god tells him that he organized it into rooms with numbers on the door. the number represents the IQ of the people who reside there. Then god tells him to go find his room. The drummer figures that he's a smart guy, so he goes first to the room marked with a "200". He opens the door to find lots of gentlemen discussing theoretical physics and quantum mechanics. The drummer decides that that is a little bit over his head. He goes down a few doors to the door marked "120". He opens it to find lots of guys sitting around discussing politics and world affairs. He thinks that this room is way to boring. So, he travels down a few more to the door marked "50". He opens it and is blown down by the blasting sound of thousands of bass players. He figures he must be getting close to where he should be. He tries the next few doors, with no success. They're all just too damn smart. Finally, he gets to the door marked "10" and opens it. A long-haired man is standing by the door with a beer in his hand. The guy looks up at the him and asks, "So, do you Zildjian or what, dude?"
#33
why do bagpipe players march when they play?

to get away from the noise!

muhahahaha!

nerd time:

lolzordsroflcopterzlmaozomg
Stand up and cheer if you like SimCity

Play Up Pompey, Pompey Play Up
THE WiLDHEARTS

Quote by goest
I'm going to take this opportunity to initiate my campaign to replace the phrase "Taking a shit" with "Busting a grumpy."
#34
Quote by VIRUSDETECTED
Treat your bass like your women:

Pick them up, walk all over them, then slap them.



Ala my sig...

"How do you get a guitarist to stop playing? Give him sheet music."

"Why do bass players watch porn? For the funky bass lines."

"How do you know a guitarist is at the door? He comes in late and tries to use the wrong key."