#1
I was debating whether to post this one or another one. This is pretty much a free write, the others a song. So this one today, the other otmorrow

______________________________
Zach Braff & Bob Dylan

I got a sickening feeling when I drove into my home town on Saturday night
11pm, lights blaring, Max Bemis screaming into my ears about how he thanks
a girl for having sex with him when he felt like he had no hope. This feeling was...
The feeling you get when you're being called to the principals office in highschool
without being able to tell exactly what thing it is that you've done that you're
About to be called out on.

I think I took it as an omen, that this place I was driving into held more bad
than good for me. As if it was a sickness that was weighing me down, or
holding me back from what I could actually be. This is most definitely true
on the music side of things as pretty much everyone here dislikes my voice
or style of playing, and yet brags constantly about my songs. I am the equivalent
of Bob Dylan.

It reminds me of Zach Braff in garden state as well.

“There is a moment in time when your home doesn't feel like a home, it's just a place where you put your ****”

Well I've done, started and gotten away with enough **** that this town is
practically a warren of my faeces mixed in with the only person on the planet
I can stand for long periods of time. That analogy is ****, but I can't be bothered
Being more poetic when it's 4.30am and I know I wont' get to sleep till 5...
I feel like lead...
And this sickening feeling hasn't left yet...
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
Last edited by Auals at Jun 10, 2008,
#4
Quote by aaciseric
I'm confused by this post, which bit is the sig and which is the post?


the part under the "__________________" is the sig
#6
Yeah Metallist that's the point.

That's exactly how I felt when I got home. Was just so awkward.... thanks
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#8
Quote by aaciseric
Oh I see nevermind


Crit?
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#9
Quote by Auals
Crit?

Oh sorry yeah, well it was kind of strange and abstract so if that was what you were going for fantastic job. It's one of those things that you wanna know what its about so you keep reading which will mean the song does better if its ever released so good job there.
#10
It was more of a disorienting thing. Kind of like you were reading something you knew and then when you were done you didn't actually know what you'd read.
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#11
Quote by Auals
It was more of a disorienting thing. Kind of like you were reading something you knew and then when you were done you didn't actually know what you'd read.

Yeah that was kind of how I felt. Overall it's pretty good.

Zach Braff is the guy in Scrubs right? What's Garden State?
#12
Quote by IcePh0enix
Yeah that was kind of how I felt. Overall it's pretty good.

Zach Braff is the guy in Scrubs right? What's Garden State?


A film he directed and starred in. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)

Anyway, I'm not sure what I think of this piece, TS.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

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Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

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LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#13
That's good, that you don't know what you think.

Because that's how I felt writing it. I'm not sure about pretty much everything that happened that night. However right now, my poetry would probably be pretty rosy. Weird.

I'll post something again soon. Cheers
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#14
Quote by Auals
this town is
practically a warren of my faeces mixed in with the only person on the planet
I can stand for long periods of time.


I liked this analogy, but I hated how you brushed it off in an angsty manner in the next sentence.

It did make me feel something, they'res definately some feeling in it, but it kind of isn't good enough to make me dance in my mind. lets say a 8/10.


p.s. thanks for the crit.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#16
That's absolutely fantastic, there's a real sense of character with the words you're using. And the rhythm really comes at you in a fast paced way of reading. Very impressive man, I look forward to more in the future.
Quote by gorecore=me
is a bidet a type of crisp?