#1
{Verse 1}
I’m so ****in empty
They did this to me
I once had a dream now
They took it away

{Chorus}
You live in a dream yeah
To this very day
The dreams are all gone now
And left us to stay
This place is a nightmare
Hip hip horay

{Verse 2}
A drank from a fountain
The fountain of truth
I saw it cough up blood
I guess it was dead

{Chorus}
You live in a dream yeah
To this very day
The dreams are all gone now
And left us to stay
This place is a nightmare
Hip hip horay

{Verse 3}
Now that they saw me
The took me away
No that I see blood
I wish I could stay

{Chorus}
You live in a dream yeah
To this very day
The dreams are all gone now
And left us to stay
This place is a nightmare
Hip hip horay

{Verse 4}
I guess my souls broken
And shattered away
And now that I’m empty
I wish you would stay
#2
Sounds good but what did you mean by "no that I see blood"?, and also I would have left out the "Hip Hip Horay" but there was some powerful imagery and you could tell it was coming from the heart.
Last edited by aaciseric at Jun 10, 2008,
#3
I like it but I agree on leaving out the 'Hip Hip Hooray' part. And I think he meant "now that I see blood" ^. It was probably a spelling error.
Another thing, what style of music do you play? It sounds like metal or emo by the lyrics.
#4
We play Grunge/metal and I'm not very good at writing this is my 5th song and the rest were so horrible I didn't want to post them
#5
not bad man
(We are) The anti-cancer
(We are) The only answer
Stripped down, we want you dead
But what's inside of me, you'll never know
(We are) Bipolar gods
(We are) You know what we are
#6
Verse 1}
I’m so ****in empty
They did this to me
I once had a dream now
They took it away

Kind of a weak beginning if I'm being honest. But irregardless it does set the tone for the song so it's not that big of a deal

{Chorus}
You live in a dream yeah
To this very day
The dreams are all gone now
And left us to stay
This place is a nightmare
Hip hip horay

You know what? Screw what they say, I like the hip hip hooray part cause it shows a very sarcastic view of the situation that you find yourself in and I really dig that (seeing as I'm a sarcastic bastard myself).

{Verse 2}
A drank from a fountain
The fountain of truth
I saw it cough up blood
I guess it was dead

This verse I think is the best of the song, if you can try and tweak the first to give it more of the imagery that this one has. Fountain of truth....why the hell didn't I think of that? *kicks self*

{Chorus}
You live in a dream yeah
To this very day
The dreams are all gone now
And left us to stay
This place is a nightmare
Hip hip horay

Hip Hip HOORAY!!!!

{Verse 3}
Now that they saw me
The took me away
No that I see blood
I wish I could stay

Kinda cryptic here, not really sure as to the meaning, but luckily for you...when that happens most people just assume it's brilliant!!! P.S. I'm sure you meant 'now' that I see blood. You should fix that.

{Chorus}
You live in a dream yeah
To this very day
The dreams are all gone now
And left us to stay
This place is a nightmare
Hip hip horay

{Verse 4}
I guess my souls broken
And shattered away
And now that I’m empty
I wish you would stay

Doesn't really flow with the rest of the song. You suddenly go from first person (I, me mine) to second person (you, yours) in a verse. Kind of odd, considering it had been first person- verses second person- choruses. But I'm not here to nitpick. Overall, good song. Love to hear more and if you get a chance c2c. I've got a song bout 6 or 7 songs down.
Knock, Knock

Who's there?


I Fucked your sister
#7
just so everyone knows it is "now that I see blood" not "No that I see blood"