#1
I'd love to get some opinions on this song I wrote. Any comments are welcome, good and bad. I would really appreciate advice on how I can improve my writing.


Verse 1:

Love is more than saying sorry
even though it's not your fault
more than being there for each other
when either one of you falls

Verse 2:

If you're angry I get worried
you'll forgive but not forget
If you're happy I don't bother
to ask you how your day has been

Chorus:

And will a gentle breeze disturb our melody
Or will your broken heart bring out the best in me
I'll love you day and night
I know you're worth the fight
You may forgive me now
but in the end...
you won't forget

Verse 3:

Love is more than made up stories
To protect your lovers heart
more than lifeless animation
more than winning all your trust

Chorus:

And will a gentle breeze disturb our melody
Or will your broken heart bring out the best in me
I'll love you day and night
I know you're worth the fight
You may forgive me now
but in the end...
you won't forget


I might add another verse or change some stuff around later so this is not the definite lyric.
#2
And will a gentle breeze disturb our melody
Or will your broken heart bring out the best in me
I'll love you day and night
I know you're worth the fight
You may forgive me now
but in the end...
you won't forget


Thats an awesome bit there. But I would add another verse or an interlude and then finish with a third chorus. This seems too small but i'd have to hear the music to judge that fully.
#3
Nice work..
Will much be better if you can play that with guitar.

Try to play and sing on a cam then put it on youtube
#4
I'm going to take your word that you'll welcome negative comments. These are some of the most clichéd lyrics I've ever seen. Even if you'd use this for a pompous 80's-style power ballad, it'd still be cheesy. You'd be best off scrapping this and starting anew.
#5
Quote by Gvictor
I'm going to take your word that you'll welcome negative comments. These are some of the most clichéd lyrics I've ever seen. Even if you'd use this for a pompous 80's-style power ballad, it'd still be cheesy. You'd be best off scrapping this and starting anew.


Maybe hes just less cynical than you, anyway these are the best lyrics i've ever read on one of these threads and one of the very few I actually didn't find to have clichéd lyrics.
#6
make one more verse and lengthen the 1st, then put a chorus between verse 1 + 2

alternatively, glue verses 1 + 2 together and write another? then put a chorus between one and two.

a 1st verse longer than the rest makes things more professional and less repetitive...

easier to understand aswell i guess

lyrics are good as far as i know...
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#8
I'd agree that this seems a bit too short but listening to an arrangement with guitar is the only way to tell for sure. The subject itself, love, is totally overdone. However, with that being said, you handled the topic in a different manner, giving the piece a sense of originality. The lyrics themselves are good, but I had trouble finding a pattern in the verses. Maybe there is one that I am not aware of, but the lack of rhyming bugged me personally.

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