#1
This is a love song I wrote to some pretty psychedelic music. It's vague as hell, but i really don't mind it.

Dusk breaks the cold desert sky
A flower takes form from your silhouette
A three-part opium dream
It pulls through

Will I see you again?

(Chorus)
Life is long
A Silver Shadow lover
From the dust you breathe
It pulls through
Like you would not believe

Under the hot midnight sun
The summer solstice sets in plastic cups
Free-fall underground calm
It sinks through

Will I see you again?

(Chorus)
I've seen emo-er.


Member of the "I am a Fan of Gaycore Wrestle-Metal" Fanclub.
#2
Quote by LeveLHeaD69

Dusk breaks the cold desert sky
A flower takes form from your silhouette
A three-part opium dream
It pulls through
An interesting stanza. Not a spectacular flow, but a good image of (what I think to be) dreaming of your love.

Will I see you again?

(Chorus)
Life is long
A Silver Shadow lover
This feels seperate from everything else. Is "life" the "silver shadow lover"?.
From the dust you breathe
Upon a second look at this line, it's really good. Before, you mentioned the flower was in a desert (or so it sounded to me), so it makes me think that the flower is breathing in this dust, and a lover emerges, and that would mean that, from small beginnings, a love is taking place. I'm probably wrong, but it's what it meant to me.
It pulls through
Like you would not believe
Love that rhyme. It just felt right to me.

Under the hot midnight sun
The summer solstice sets in plastic cups
Errr... plastic cups? We've got beautiful images everywhere, and "plastic cups" is what comes next? Maybe I'm missing something, but that just felt off.
Free-fall underground calm
That feels like several words that happen to be in the same sentance. It doesn't add anything.
It sinks through
I'm liking the refrain, here.

Will I see you again?

(Chorus)


Good piece. I was going to say the flow was odd, but it seems like there was a structure in there, I just didn't connect. If you have music, that's fine.

Crit mine in my sig?
#3
i agree with the post above this one, except i would add that i don't like direct drug references in psychedelic songs, but that's more of a personal opinion thing that i don't think matters to many other people.
#4
i really LOVE the chorus! it was just great ^^ it made me feel happy ,lol