#1
there's space for rent, upper east side where all the crazies live.
lsd in the water system
insects rotting in the hydrogen cooler
drinking and jiving and mounted fish reciting
an anthem for the worms and birds and
disheveled fisherman wading through
ramshackled rivers hoping to catch the next ferry home
to an average town full of mediocre folk.
i'll just swallow all my 5 dollar words and smarten up my insides,
i'll just take you home to the lower west side,
it's just a treasure chest unopened,
wax in your ears and
**** in your teeth,
20 years coming soon and i still don't know the half of it.
so kiss me amongst all the radiation and
peeping toms and mary's and ted's,
it's raining sheets and heaps and cats ****ing dogs,
all my drunken neighbors handing out pary favors,
it's okay,
take off your combat boots and stay for the meteor shower,
re enforced umbrellas,
comatose constellations,
baby its only fair,
you keep shouting
'this planets not big enough for the both of us'
ill just wrap you up in fishing line, dental floss, whatever i can find,
ill just keep you in the sewers for the mafias of
rats and toads to find.
Last edited by rushmore at Jun 11, 2008,
#2
visually, this looks awful on the page from a distance, but it reads well.
just a couple of hiccups for me.



there's space for rent, upper east side where all the crazies live.
lsd in the water system
insects rotting in the hydrogen cooler
drinking and jiving and mounted fish reciting
an anthem for the worms and birds and
disheveled fisherman wading through
ramshackled rivers hoping to catch the next ferry home
to an average town full of mediocre folk.
i'll just swallow all my 5 dollar words and smarten up my insides,
i'll just take you home to the lower west side,
it's just a treasure chest unopened,
wax in your ears and
**** in your teeth,
20 years coming soon and i still don't know the half of it.
so kiss me amongst all the radiation and
peeping toms and mary's and ted's,
it's raining sheets and heaps and cats ****ing dogs,
it's annoying to see asterisks. just fucking swear or don't imho.
all my drunken neighbors handing out pary favors,
typo for party.
it's okay,
take off your combat boots and stay for the meteor shower,
re enforced umbrellas,
i didn't get all that much from twisting reinforced into re enforced.
almost looks more like an error than a clever moment.

comatose constellations,
baby its only fair,
you keep shouting
'this planets not big enough for the both of us' *planet's - contraction requires apostrophe
ill just wrap you up in fishing line, dental floss, whatever i can find,
ill just keep you in the sewers for the mafias of
rats and toads to find.
find ending both of those lines could be stronger.
should be easy enough to tighten that up.
Meadows
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