#1
"You can supersize for another 30p." Says the blank-faced Asian (probably Korean. or

Japanese, I don't know. Is that racist? That I can't tell the difference? Almost

certainly, I expect.) woman behind the counter. These words fail to register with me

at all, but when she repeats them after I stare, vacantly, at her for a few seconds, I

hear her. For some reason, though, I don't connect with the statement. It doesn't

seem to affect me, as though she has just told me that the speckled

Who-the-f***-knows-and-who-the-f***-cares bird has migrated south for the

Winter,or regurgitated some of the meaningless statistics that are spouted at me

every day;like how there are only three point two four Yangtze River Dolphins left or

that eleven million acres of rainforest are cut down every nanosecond. It's worse

when they try to relate it to me as well. I'm a white, male, reasonably affluent, British

teenager, so of course I couldn't possibly understand scale unless I hear it in terms of

a hundred million football fields, or how many times something would stretch round

the earth or round the moon and back and to the sun and round and up my arse until

it's twisted into some horrible Gordian knot of "easily understandable", logical

statistics. Oh, and by the way - that last River Dolphin? He's called Pete and he likes

football and KFC.

"That's good". I say, distractedly.

"You want supersize?" Her eyes do not move.

"Doesn't this woman ever blink?" I catch myself asking incredulously. I realise, as

soon as I have said it, that, other than the unblinking Korean - or Japanese, is

that...? Never mind - woman, there is no-one there to hear me, but she doesn't

appear to have understood, so, feeling not quite as relieved as I have a vague inkling

that I should, I slip back into my reverie. I realise that she is still staring at me,

uneven, unplucked eyebrows raised.

"I'm sorry?" I say, a little too agressively.

"You want supersize?" She asks again.

"Erm... What? No. I'm good. Thanks."
Last edited by jumped_up_kid at Jun 11, 2008,
#3
sorry - i ought to have specified.

this is an unfinished piece that im considering abandoning but i'm not sure i want to if people think its salvageable.

im just looking for some opinions
#5
i'd say start a new one and go with the abandoning idea. too many people write the same kind of stories like this
#6
Quote by jumped_up_kid
"You can supersize for another 30p." Says the blank-faced Asian (probably Korean. or

Japanese, I don't know. Is that racist? That I can't tell the difference? Almost

certainly, I expect.) woman behind the counter. These words fail to register with me

at all, but when she repeats them after I stare, vacantly, at her for a few seconds, I

hear her. For some reason, though, I don't connect with the statement. It doesn't seem to affect me,

as though she has just told me that the speckled

Who-the-f***-knows-and-who-the-f***-cares bird has migrated south for the Winter,

or regurgitated some of the meaningless statistics that are spouted at me every day;

like how there are only three point two four Yangtze River Dolphins left or that eleven

million acres of rainforest are cut down every nanosecond. It's worse when they try

to relate it to me as well. I'm a white, male, reasonably affluent, British teenager, so

of course I couldn't possibly understand scale unless I hear it in terms of a hundred

million football fields, or how many times something would stretch round the earth or

round the moon and back and to the sun and round and up my arse until it's twisted into some

horrible Gordian knot of "easily understandable", logical statistics. Oh, and by the way -

that last River Dolphin? He's called Pete and he likes football and Chinese food.


i actually quite like this peice. its got a wonderful humor throughout. reminescent of maybe Bukoski but from a moer well-to-do point of view. good job mate

btw, do you type in Notepad?
#7
thanks a lot mate. never been compared to Bukoski before lol.

yeah i type in notepad - you can tell from the line spacings?
#10
The dolphin shouldn't like Chinese food. He should like KFC.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#11
cheers for the comments, guys. done a brief edit, just added a little more.

DigUpHerBones, im taking your advice. Good shout, thanks.
#12
I did like this. Perhaps have it all spoken and split it into sections with some instrumental interludes, and I think you'd have a pretty god song on your hands.