Page 1 of 2
#1
Hey!!!
I am a big joke fan... i wudnt mind hearing a joke during a funeral...do u hav 1 dat can relle crack people up..heres 1, dunno if ull will lyk it!!

A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B: Ok
A: A white horse fell in the mud.

made me laugh..lol
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: is it me or others crazy?
#3
i have to say, i did chuckle at that joke
Quote by FrenchyFungus


Awww, thanks Frenchy

Quote by Cobain_Is_King
I got a packet of Love Hearts when I was six and every one said 'You Have a Tiny Penis'




Hate humans? Click here
#4
At or with?



...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#5
me too,
i don't get it though......... i bet it will be blindingly obvious to me when someone enlightens me
#6
i like jokes, but i'm not tickled by very many jokes like that. i guess what mainly makes me laugh is what comedians call "material".
#7
wat
Abbreviated version:
Quote by Lots of People

Quote by :.FireStorm.:
+1 Maus24

:.FireStorm.: - #15 poster in the thread, #1 in my heart.

o _o
/###############
|###############
\###############

Member #6 of the "Shoop da Whoop" club
pm C.C. Deville to join
#9
My english teacher told the class that one. He would try so hard to make the class laughed and failed all the time. And as you can see by thaat last sentence, he also tried too hard to teach english/
#10
I lol'ed...


Quote by dogismycopilot
Absent Mind, words cant express how much i love you. Id bone you, oh yea.

Quote by lumberjack
Absent Mind is, as usual, completely correct.

Quote by littlemurph7976
Id like to make my love for Neil public knowledge as he is a beautiful man
#11
Quote by allanrocks88
Hey!!!
A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B: Ok
A: A white horse fell in the mud


Quote by whiteraven119
My new hero. Anyone willing to use lethal martial arts against hxc kids is amazing.

That's me

Quote by jaridv1
my penis has a restraining order against me because i beat it

#13
wow... you are easily amused i take it?
Quote by innertom
So much down syndrome

remember UG Community? thought so.
#15
i have jokes, but i would probably get banned for saying them
Quote by AgentWiggles
Thanks, douche.


Quote by SlayingDragons
Dude...



Gear:
Ibanez SZ 520QM
Ibanez RG 450DXB
Fender Big Apple Stratocaster
Pod XT Live
Peavey XXX Half Stack
Peavey Bandit 112
and a soul of Rock n' Roll
#17
whats the difference between Michael Jackson and Acne?

..acne doesnt come on your face till your 13!
#18
Yes I got this off of last comic standing and altered it but it's funny none the less.

Sex is just like building a house...


First you screw then you bolt!
#20
What does Micheal Jackson and Mcdonalds have in Common?
They Both Put their 50 Year-old Meat in 5 Year Old Buns!
Quote by AgentWiggles
Thanks, douche.


Quote by SlayingDragons
Dude...



Gear:
Ibanez SZ 520QM
Ibanez RG 450DXB
Fender Big Apple Stratocaster
Pod XT Live
Peavey XXX Half Stack
Peavey Bandit 112
and a soul of Rock n' Roll
#21
how do you catch a rabbit?
- hide behind a tree and make noises like a carrot.
#22
Quote by magicjoe13
why did the monkey fall out the tree?

coz it was dead

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?


Because it was stapled to the monkey.
Abbreviated version:
Quote by Lots of People

Quote by :.FireStorm.:
+1 Maus24

:.FireStorm.: - #15 poster in the thread, #1 in my heart.

o _o
/###############
|###############
\###############

Member #6 of the "Shoop da Whoop" club
pm C.C. Deville to join
#23
Quote by allanrocks88
Hey!!!
I am a big joke


lol wut
Quote by Shred Head
You have an atrocious sense of humour!

Quote by StrayCatBlues
You win 100 hilarity points.

Spend them wisely.


Quote by GrisKy
you're a funny, funny man, chimp in a tux... funny indeed.
Last edited by chimpinatux at Jun 11, 2008,
#24
Quote by magicjoe13
why did the monkey fall out the tree?

coz it was dead

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was raping the first monkey.
#25
two men walk into a bar............................
They get drunk
haha not very funny
Jackson RX10D
Gibson Baldwin SG
Marshall MG30DFX
Line 6 Spider Valve HD100 (With the Matching Cab )
#26
There was a pet shop that had two birds for sale, one for $10,000 and one for $20,000.

A man showed up, took a look at the price tags and said, "Wow! What do they do that makes them worth so much?" The shop owner gestured at the first, and said, "This one can sing Wagner's entire Ring cycle." The shopper asked, "And the other one?" "This one can sing every piece of music Mozart ever wrote. There's another one in the back for $50,000..." The shopper asked, "Wow, what does that one do!?"

"Nothing that I can tell. But the other two call him maestro."
#27
isn't there already a couple joke threads around?
Quote by innertom
So much down syndrome

remember UG Community? thought so.
#28
Quote by MightyAl
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was raping the first monkey.

Why are those jokes so old?

The monkey who wrote the first one is dead.
#29
Quote by metaldud536
I can see this is gonna get milked like your mom's boobs.

F*ck you!

My mom's flat-chested
Quote by whiteraven119
My new hero. Anyone willing to use lethal martial arts against hxc kids is amazing.

That's me

Quote by jaridv1
my penis has a restraining order against me because i beat it

#32
Yer i make people laugh i send em the link to YOU RAFF YOU ROUSE
Quote by .HUZZAH.
Just hit all the strings at once, raping your e string and making retardly out of place pinch harmonics

oh wait, this isn't a slipknot concert..

FREEBIRD!


And the amish said let their be CHEESE...
#33
I was expecting something worse, but that was alright lerk
/CENTER]
#34
perfect for a funeral. .

i was in the cemetery today and saw a man over a tombstone, so i said "morning!" he said "nope, just taking a sh*t"
Last edited by TedE at Jun 11, 2008,
#35
I can make friends laugh and a few other people but i usually fail otherwise and therefore i don't try anymore.

We had to go into school for preparation for A2 (Second year of A Levels) and there was this american woman who came in to talk about volunteer work....part of what you can do after year 13. Anyway...she was trying to make us laugh and she failed more or less everytime...the worst part is that after the 4th or whatever attempt she still kept trying. I was waiting for someone to start throwing food at her or something...

It was horrible.
Flap it and enjoy yourself...

Xbox Live GT = The Donkey Fly
'...and those who fought on that day of honor, the day of victory shall be forever remembered as Lime Green' - Oct 31st 08
#36
Quote by TedE
perfect for a funeral. .

i was in the cemetery today and saw a man over a tombstone, so is aid "morning!" he said "nope, just taking a sh*t"

Heh, I smiled. Might want to fix the mistake though. Or else it doesn't make sense.
#37
I gotta tell you this is the stupidest thread ive seen in a long time and for the pit thats saying something... No offense.
Quote by powerhead
Mentallica, i think you just made my drive shank crank

Quote by beadhangingOne


You sir, are a true hero.


Quote by silversoulcage
Dude, seriously, you're an ass hole. That place where **** comes out, yea that's you man.
#38
THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, &quotHi Greg. How's your day
been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, &quotThat's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an apointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, &quotDid you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, &quotIt's okay,
don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, &quotGroup Hug!&quotand then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, &quotShut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, &quotGot enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, &quotYour one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, &quotI have new socks on&quot.

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passnegers, &quotThis is MY personal space"
A question that sometimes drives me hazy: is it me or others crazy?
Page 1 of 2