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#1
Got any Jokes about Music, Instruments... anything related to those?

I was on Talk Bass forum yesterday and read this one (I thought it was pretty good)


So this guy goes into a music store and buys a bass... He's never played bass before and decides that he needs lessons, so he starts taking lessons at the music store.

In the first lesson, the teacher says, "Alright, I want you to play this string open and pluck with two fingers and count like this: 1, 2, 3, 4 - 1,2,3,4 - 1,2,3,4... Once you have that perfected, come see me next week."

The next week arrives and the student does not arrive for his lesson... the teacher is quite confused... but sure enough, the week after... The man comes to the lesson.

"Where were you last week?", asks the bass teacher.

The man replied: "On Tour."
#2
Three notes walk into a bar, C Eb and G

Barman says, sorry we don't serve minors
FALKIRK

We'll win something someday

Quote by Minkaro
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#3
Hahahahaha!

Well played, I actually lol'd
Say hi

Playing: Sleeping Dogs, FIFA 13, Guild Wars 2, Borderlands 2
Reading: The Hobbit

Watching: How I met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, 24

Listening: Muse - The 2nd Law
#4
A "C," an "E-flat," and a "G" go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is convinced that this relative of C is a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor for patrons, with the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar.

Go Veg.
#5
"There's something wrong with your bass amp... I can hear it."

How do you know a drummer's at your door?
The knocking speeds up.

What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.


All pretty old, but yeah...
Got on the bus with me daysavaaaa
#6
what do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians?

a drummer

EDIT:^^^ beat me to it :/
Quote by boreamor
Ah very good point. Charlie__flynn, you've out smarted me


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should
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Rate my playing skills please.
#7
This one rlly happened (kinda a dutch joke)
So this one teacher in a music school always starts his lesson early and for some reason (don't ask my why), there's often one of those tapes running to tune your guitar.
It goes like "This is the low E: dummmmmm dummmmmmmmmm"
Andso on

So one day a pupil asks out of the blue: "Who do you think does the voice on such tapes"
Now he said it kinda loud and the teacher heard it and replied: "Well, didn't you hear the guy? It's 'de Lowie' (= The Lowie with Lowie being a name)."
#8
Good'n



What d'ya call a man in a pit whos had a piano dropped on him?

A flat minor...


D-U-F-R-A-I-S


Quote by darkstar2466
WRONG.

The only reason it exists is because drugs get people fucked up, and people love getting fucked up.

#9
How do you know the stage is level?
The drool comes out both sides of the drummers mouth.

How do you make a guitarist play quietly?
Put a sheet of paper in front of him.

How do you make him stop?
Put music on it.
#11
How do you know when you're lead singer is at the door?
He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
Quote by ElMaco
My last pay check was £0 working 0 hours. I can't believe how easy it was
#12
Say, "Aw crap, I broke my G-string while fingering a minor."

After everyone looks at you in horror, tell them you were trying to play Knocking on Heavens Door.
█████████████████████████████████████████████
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Portugal. The Man »–
#13
Quote by Minderbinder
How do you know when you're lead singer is at the door?
He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.


Now that ones funny
#14
How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven. One to do it, four to say they could have done it better and another two to ask why he didn't just get something with tubes instead.

How do you make a drummer play slower? - Put sheet music in front of him.
How do you make him stop? - Actually write some notes on the sheet.

How do you make sure your bass stays in tune?
Get yourself a saw and build a Xylophone from it.
#15
A man walks into a shop and picks what he believes to be a guitar up
'I'd like to buy this guitar please.'
The guy at the counter then says,
'You're a drummer aren't you?'
'Ye how did you know?'
'This is a fish...'
Ibanez RG350DX
Randall RH150G3
Harley Benton Cab (Shut up.)
Roland Cube 60
Dunlop Wah Wah Pedal.


mmmmm


Guitar fund - £300/???
Help me out guise!!1!
Last edited by DimebagJosho at Jun 11, 2008,
#16
So there are 6 people that walk into a bar. they split into groups of two, then sit at seperate parts of the bar. the first group looks at the bartender, and asks him "Is it possible for spontaneous combustion in the human body to be caused by nuclear reactions?" over their thick glasses. they take notes while the bartender questions this. the next group, a couple regular guys, ask him "What do you think of this economic trouble?" they don't take notes, and one heckles his opinions. He goes up to the next group. they ask "do you like Les Pauls or Strats?"
Quote by FatalGear41
I wouldn't call what we have here on the Bass Forum a mentality. It's more like the sharing part of an AA meeting.

Quote by Jason Jillard
HUMANITY WHATS WRONG WITH YOU.


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#19
Quote by TheQuailman
How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven. One to do it, four to say they could have done it better and another two to ask why he didn't just get something with tubes instead.

How do you make a drummer play slower? - Put sheet music in front of him.
How do you make him stop? - Actually write some notes on the sheet.

How do you make sure your bass stays in tune?
Get yourself a saw and build a Xylophone from it.


Those are great!
#20
What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.
While looking at a guitar magazine with some friends.

Quote by Kaleb
DUDE! Is that a Mel Gibson?!



Quote by boreamor
Don't you understand the importance of correct spelling and grammar? It's the online symbol of maturity. And you as sure as hell don't have that.
#21
St. Anger.
Quote by HuckIt
I didn't find it that funny when I saw myself doing him in missionary position...

Quote by Oblivion_Rps
I was having sex with a female dolphin. In the dream I was like:
"YEEEEEEEAAAARGH I'M SCREWIN' A FEMALE DOLPHIN!!!" and when I woke up I was like:
"... wtf"
#22
how many country musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

5, 1 to change it the other 4 to sing about how good the old one was
Quote by FrenchyFungus


Awww, thanks Frenchy

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I got a packet of Love Hearts when I was six and every one said 'You Have a Tiny Penis'




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#23
Quote by DimebagJosho
A man walks into a shop and picks what he believes to be a guitar up
'I'd like to buy this guitar please.'
The guy at the counter then says,
'You're a drummer aren't you?'
'Ye how did you know?'
'This is a fish...'


My guitar teacher said it to me... but i don't get it

Neither do I wanna take up drums?
#25
these are epic
the fish one is ace
and the sheet music in front of a guitarist
love it

Quote by gonzaw
"Db is on fire, I had to run down the E scale (ator)"

I made it...



#26
What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche? Most musicians have never been inside a Porsche.

How many tenors doe s it tae to change a light bulb? None, they can't reach that high.

How do you know when your drummer is knocking on your door? The knocking just keeps getting faster and faster.
#29
Quote by Broken_Drum
Some people like to think that drummers aren't "real" musicians.



OH NOES! A DRUMMER BORKE IN!

KILL HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!
Quote by andy_thomas
Were you by any chance, exposing your scrotum to an open flame?
#30
Quote by DimebagJosho
A man walks into a shop and picks what he believes to be a guitar up
'I'd like to buy this guitar please.'
The guy at the counter then says,
'You're a drummer aren't you?'
'Ye how did you know?'
'This is a fish...'


#31
What do Kurt Colbain and a firecracker have in common?


They both went out with a bang.


Don't kill me.
Sig space for rent.
$100 obo
Message for negotiaton.
#32
Quote by Broken_Drum
Some people like to think that drummers aren't "real" musicians.

I have a very good and talented drummer. My only music lessons I ever had were from him. He's definately a musician.
But I understand the jokes though. Many 'drummers' are guys who buy a drumset and decide to learn it all on their own to then join a metalband. Learning the drums on your own without lessons is possible, but VERY difficult and exceptionnal; and drumming in a metalband isn't always more than just hitting as much as possible.
And those drummers also only know drumsets and no other percussion instruments like a xylophone or so where notes can be important.
So the reason for the jokes is quite obvious
#34
Quote by the humanity
So there are 6 people that walk into a bar. they split into groups of two, then sit at seperate parts of the bar. the first group looks at the bartender, and asks him "Is it possible for spontaneous combustion in the human body to be caused by nuclear reactions?" over their thick glasses. they take notes while the bartender questions this. the next group, a couple regular guys, ask him "What do you think of this economic trouble?" they don't take notes, and one heckles his opinions. He goes up to the next group. they ask "do you like Les Pauls or Strats?"

Someone explain this.

And as much as this thread has been done, it wins every time.
#37
Quote by Random88
Three notes walk into a bar, C Eb and G

Barman says, sorry we don't serve minors


I actually lol'd
#38
How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
None--they just steal somebody else's light.

Did you hear about the electric bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed?

Johnny says to his mom: "I want to be a drummer when I grow up." Mom: "But Johnny, you can't do both."

What's the difference between a drummer and an electric drum machine? You only have to punch the information into the machine once.

What were the drummer's last words? "Hey, guys, check out this song I wrote..."
Quote by ElMaco
My last pay check was £0 working 0 hours. I can't believe how easy it was
#39
How many bassists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, just leave it out, no-one will notice
FALKIRK

We'll win something someday

Quote by Minkaro
Falkirk is the home of runners up.

Check out my Tunes
#40
Quote by Megavanseelamb



That's some funny ****!!!
A penny for my thoughts?

A bargain I say!

I'll give you a dollar

Take them all away...
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