#1
They say Flintstone's vitamins are chewable. All vitamins are chewable, it's just that they taste ****ty. I'm glad they made Flintstone's vitamins because I used to watch The Flintstones and go, "Man I bet you if I ate that dude, I would be healthy.

I like an escalator... an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see a "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the Convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.

“2-in-1 is a bull**** term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.

When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it’s busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say “Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two.” And if no one answers they’ll say their name again. “Dufresne, party of two, Dufresne, party of two.” But then if no one answers they’ll just go right on to the next name. “Busch, party of three.” Yeah, but what happened to the Dufresnes? No one seems to give a ****. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You ****ers are selfish… the Dufresnes are in someone’s trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they’re hungry! That’s a double whammy. We need help. Busch, search party of three! You can eat when you find the Dufresnes.

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

i got an ant farm. those ants didn't grow ****! plus if i pull off your legs you look like snowmen.

“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut, I’ll just give you money and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario in which I would need to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend? ‘Don’t even act like I didn’t buy a doughnut, I’ve got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it’s back home in the file . . . under ‘D’, for doughnut.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

...but a baked potato takes so long in a conventional oven. But sometimes I put one in there...cause, hey....you never know.

One time a guy handed me a picture, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I am older.
You son of a bitch! How'd you pull that off?
Quote by leeb rocks
SO I'VE BEEN BALLS DEEP IN MYSELF THIS WHOLE TlME?!?!
#3
A small amount of lulz were had.
Quote by telecastrmastr
if this goes in someones signature im gunna be pissed


Quote by jimithrash
what do you mean by goat
#4
The potato one makes no sense.
Quote by buckethead_jr
^And known for that bloody awesome croissant with a crown.
Man that's badass.


MINE SIG R PINK
#6
1. Okay. Hooray for sarcasm?
2. It can break and stop moving. It's still broken. That doesn't mean it can't be used.
3. 1 of something large can hold two of something small. ex: CAR
4. If every restaurant searched for every party that didn't show up, there wouldn't be restaurants due to no income.
5. I have to ask, are you on them now?
6. Ok.....
7. What if the doughnut gives you a bad case of food poisoning and you need to sue to pay for the medical bill?
8. A wall can't serve.
9. Food from ovens tastes better.
10. They say that because it is from a long time ago as opposed to something recent.
/rant
EDIT: and I appologize for killing all of those....
Space reserved for cool quotes.
Last edited by gu1t4rh3r0 at Jun 12, 2008,
#8
Quote by Macabre_Turtle
Mitch Hedburg. You're Caught.

Ok.
EDIT: I don't smoke, do drugs or anything. I found this, and thought I would see what you guys thought.
I don't know the original source either.
Quote by leeb rocks
SO I'VE BEEN BALLS DEEP IN MYSELF THIS WHOLE TlME?!?!
#9
This would all be funnier if you could see Mitch telling the jokes, he does a fantastic job.
I want to work in revelations, not just spin silly tales for money.I want to fish as deep down as possible into my own subconscious in the belief that once that far down, everyone will understand because they are the same that far down.
#10
Someone was in THE SAME THREAD ON /B/ TONIGHT.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools
#12
I didn't even realise they were jokes.
I just thought it was some guy being serial.
Space reserved for cool quotes.
#13
Quote by gu1t4rh3r0
1. Okay. Hooray for sarcasm?
2. It can break and stop moving. It's still broken. That doesn't mean it can't be used.
3. 1 of something large can hold two of something small. ex: CAR
4. If every restaurant searched for every party that didn't show up, there wouldn't be restaurants due to no income.
5. I have to ask, are you on them now?
6. Ok.....
7. What if the doughnut gives you a bad case of food poisoning and you need to sue to pay for the medical bill?
8. A wall can't serve.
9. Food from ovens tastes better.
10. They say that because it is from a long time ago as opposed to something recent.
/rant
EDIT: and I appologize for killing all of those....


You will never know how many levels you just failed upon.... even that one level where you thought you may have won; no. You failed there too.
#14
Quote by StraightxXxEdge
+1

Could've at least put on some sunglasses TS.

Needs more hair, too. And some drugs.
#15
Quote by Macabre_Turtle
You will never know how many levels you just failed upon.... even that one level where you thought you may have won; no. You failed there too.

I know. I thought he was being serious. Not joking.
Space reserved for cool quotes.