#1
hey. im not that experienced of a writer as u will prob be able to tell.. but here is somethin i wrote that fit my mood at that time. metal for the music. here it is

Time
V1.
Now you see the truth in your life,
After you've thrown it away.
No, you can't turn back time,
Final are the choices you made.
C.
Time will come and pass,
lay all your fears to rest,
just keep moving on,
fore soon you may be gone.
V2.
Can't seem to get anything right,
Wandering what the **** to do.
You gaze at the stars in the night,
Hoping to start over new.
C.
V3-its a slow part different melody.
Now,
The time has come,
for you to overcome
this pain, the pain of this life
thats inside.
Don't try to deny
your feelings do lie.
Live life, without sorrow,
May not be a tomorrow.

Please tell me what you think. I need others' opinions will hit you back. Thanks
#2
not bad. my first good song was called time too lol. so... the chorus sounds pretty good, and will work fine if you have a catchy rhythm for it. Verse one, doesnt really rhyme or have a rhythm that i can tell, try making it flow a little better (i havent heard it musically yet so maybe it does idk).

verse 2: well, id change the like "dont know what the **** to do" juts cuz it doesnt really sound as badass as it probably did when it was first written. then youll have to change the rhyme towo lines later after that too, but then that verse shold be better.

the third verse is the best part i like it alot, a good ender. the only thing id think about changing is the 5th and 6th lines. to make it flow better try stuff like "dont deny the feelings that always lie to you" or just something like that.

you cann tell its an amateur work but all in all not bad for being "not that experienced"
#3
It's good could but I couldn't catch a rhyme scem. Next time you right a song put a rhyme schem in.There are rhyme websites which help you put lyrics toghther.Just search google for rhyme websites I don't now any names of them just search rhyme it's how found it
#4
Time
V1.
Now you see the truth in your life,
After you've thrown it away.
No, you can't turn back time,
Final are the choices you made.
C.
simple doesnt grab you attetion too well, try usuaing a bit more interesting words.

Time will come and pass,
lay all your fears to rest,
just keep moving on,
fore soon you may be gone.
V2.
it was alright, doesnt have much deerper meaning

Can't seem to get anything right,
Wandering what the **** to do.
You gaze at the stars in the night,
Hoping to start over new.
C.
no comment

V3-its a slow part different melody.
Now,
The time has come,
for you to overcome
this pain, the pain of this life
thats inside.
Don't try to deny
your feelings do lie.
Live life, without sorrow,
May not be a tomorrow.

last lin eisnt written right. may not be a tommrow isnt a line. there may not be a tommrow, is better.

check mine out

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=882738
(We are) The anti-cancer
(We are) The only answer
Stripped down, we want you dead
But what's inside of me, you'll never know
(We are) Bipolar gods
(We are) You know what we are