#1
C4C of course. ;]

The style is indie/acoustic and the rhythm is flexible, so all of it isn't extremely easy to tell from the lyrics alone. I'll post the recording up soon, though, whenever it's finished.

The lyrics are a bit intense, but the music to it is lighter and happier, so there's contradiction there. The format of the words is also a bit unconventional; think Tiny Dancer by Elton John, with verse after verse and the chorus at the end of the song.

In case the theme sounds familiar, this was inspired by a famous little book called The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery. The rose and the desert are the symbols that this song and his book have in common. Anyway, any input is welcomed, though I do love stanza-by-stanza crits and I promise to give a good one right back. So, here:


Fair-Weather Friend (Diary of a Rescuer)

I found you like a flower,
Yellow friend flirting with the sun
But I caught the sand below you
Only measuring your hour

So I promised you my miracles
Towns from the tops of towers
And roses grown
Just one, alone
Without a single shower

I asked you to climb into the desert of my mind
And you obliged
Naiive in believing you might find a superficial stream

Was I wrong or was I right
When I warned you of the fire?
Well you loved me through the winter
Meant to migrate all the while

Oh you had potential, like the city from an airplane window
Did I get a good night's sleep? You asked.
How considerate; how evil
It would be easier to hate you
But I just don't have it in me
You were the rose
(Yeah, I know, I know)
You were from the beginning.

Chorus:

I found a rose and made it mine
My care could grow, my time expired
To live alone, to live a lie?
I loved a rose and set it wild
#2
I found you like a flower,
Yellow friend flirting with the sun
But I caught the sand below you
Only measuring your hour

I liked this beginning, kinda don't understand the last line, maybe you can explain that one to me. But a good setup with the flower as the metaphor -de jour.

So I promised you my miracles
Towns from the tops of towers
And roses grown
Just one, alone
Without a single shower

This is probably my favorite verse. The idea of the rose growing without a single shower is a classic metaphor but I like how you used it.

I asked you to climb into the desert of my mind
And you obliged
Naiive in believing you might find a superficial stream

This one might be a little too ...whats the word.... (existential??) for me. Also you could probably find a less wordy way to say superficial to keep the flow solid

Was I wrong or was I right
When I warned you of the fire?
Well you loved me through the winter
Meant to migrate all the while

I like this as a way to explain about (i'm assuming) how they stayed with you through the dark times only to be driven off by something that has been inside of you the whole time. Very catch 22, if I may be so bold as to say.

Oh you had potential, like the city from an airplane window
Did I get a good night's sleep? You asked.
How considerate; how evil
It would be easier to hate you
But I just don't have it in me
You were the rose
(Yeah, I know, I know)
You were from the beginning.

I LOVE the first line. Spectacular simile. Also a great way to express that wierd feeling when you love and hate someone at the same time.

Chorus:

I found a rose and made it mine
My care could grow, my time expired
To live alone, to live a lie?
I loved a rose and set it wild

I might suggest that if you are going to use the chorus only once, that you need to make it stronger because it has to tie up everything and there's room for improvement on this one. All in all, pretty good song. C4C please, (Stricknine). Have a good day, love.
Knock, Knock

Who's there?


I Fucked your sister
#3
This shows so many potentials of a potent and powerful songwriter.

Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

All the best.

EDIT: Looking back on your threads I realise this isn't the first time I've read you and sung your praises without really giving a critique. I don't do that often. Which is good, as it measn you've impressed me.

And bad, because the next thing I see you post I'm going to critique like there's no tommorow
Last edited by Jammydude44 at Jun 12, 2008,