#1
Prologue:
Inspired by a conversation with Steve, during which Jose Saramago was mentioned
and at one point my ramblings headed it this direction.
I have no clue as to whether this might resemble any of the thoughts within Saramago’s books.

The title was originally Matter Matter, but noticing there were a large number of questions,
I decided to rework it converting nearly everything from declarative to interrogatory.
Perhaps at some point I’ll post a sister piece,
by converting the format back primarily to declarative and adjusting things to fit.
Hopefully the undercurrents here will appease Kent
who's been prodding me for "metaliteral" piece, although this one might be deemed metalyrical.

Rhythm and rhyme have become a central focus for me lately. This piece is no exception.
Strong triplet rhythm, if you have problems picking it up,
the first syllable might be a pickup note(s), rather than the downbeat.
S4 takes a hard departure in rhyme. This was intentional during the write.
I haven’t decided whether I’m happy with the effect. But I’ll see how it plays.

Edit/Note:
if you think you'll get a crit by dropping a comment on this without actually taking the time to read it ... think again.



Twenty Questions

Does only matter matter,
when it comes to what is real?
Would it matter if we couldn’t see,
as long as we could feel?


If we were blind, and could not see,
shouldn't colour cease to be?
If no ears were ever found,
would this prove there is no sound?

When heretics thought our world not flat,
didn’t Inquisitions end all that?
Could the righteous just not see
the hidden power of gravity?

Can our logical senses teach us
only science should be treasured?
Then will truth fully reach us,
dismissing that which can’t be measured?

Empirical data: Is that the key
to discovering our reality?
Yet, one troubling thought still lingers:
do we see through only fingers?

Does it matter all that much
if we feel, but not through touch?
And what would happen if the essence
should appear - reveal its presence?

Would we reach a group decision
on the meaning of this vision?
How would science build defenses
against the few with new-found senses?

Can I judge on things unseen?
Could I dismiss what they might mean?
Will I keep an open mind?
Or would I be in essence blind?

Since brevity is the soul of wit
would you brand me: hypocrite?
Or have I gone with far too many
by dragging on to question twenty?
Last edited by SomeoneYouKnew at Jun 13, 2008,
#2
raise questions through statements, or make a statement through questions; between the two, I much prefer the former. Make the reader work for the point, don't just shove it in his face. clarity is good, but this borders on being see-through.

All the best,
~Ed.
I owe a ton of people critiques.

If you're one of them, please PM me.

I have trouble keeping track.
#3
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Prologue:
Inspired by a conversation with Steve, during which Jose Saramago was mentioned
and at one point my ramblings headed it this direction.
I have no clue as to whether this might resemble any of the thoughts within Saramago’s books.

The title was originally Matter Matter, but noticing there were a large number of questions,
I decided to rework it converting nearly everything from declarative to interrogatory.
Perhaps at some point I’ll post a sister piece,
by converting the format back primarily to declarative and adjusting things to fit.
Hopefully the undercurrents here will appease Kent
who's been prodding me for "metaliteral" piece, although this one might be deemed metalyrical.

Rhythm and rhyme have become a central focus for me lately. This piece is no exception.
Strong triplet rhythm, if you have problems picking it up,
the first syllable might be a pickup note, rather than the downbeat.
S4 takes a hard departure in rhyme. This was intentional during the write.
I haven’t decided whether I’m happy with the effect. But I’ll see how it plays.



Twenty Questions

Does only matter matter,
when it comes to what is real?
Would it matter if we couldn’t see,
as long as we could feel?

Beautiful.

If we were blind, and could not see,
would all colour cease to be?
If no ears could then be found,
should this prove there is no sound?

When heretics thought our world not flat.
Didn’t Inquisitions end all that?
"Didn't Inquisitions" is a bit of a mouthful. Personally I'd word it "Did Inquisitions not end all that?"
Could the righteous just not see
the hidden power of gravity?


Can our logical senses teach us
only science should be treasured?
Then will truth, fully reach us,
dismissing that which can’t be measured?


Empirical data: Is that the key
to discovering our reality?
Yet, one troubling thought still lingers:
do we see through only fingers?

Does it matter all that much
if we feel, but not through touch?
And what would happen if the essence
should appear - reveal its presence?
I started to lose interest about here.

Would we reach a group decision
on the meaning of this vision?
How would science build defenses
against the few with new-found senses?

Can I judge on things unseen?
Could I dismiss what they might mean?
Will I keep an open mind?
Or would I be in essence blind?

Since brevity is the soul of wit
would you brand me: hypocrite?
Or have I gone with far too many
by dragging on to question twenty?

Yes. It goes on for too long in my opinion. Keep it short and sweet.


Personally I'm not a fan of the AABB rhyming structure. In my mind it makes the lyrics seem very forced. It can work well for the odd stanza but I struggle to enjoy a piece that uses this structure for its majority. That said I enjoyed the beginning of this piece. It did become a bit of a battle to read later on.
Ibanez GAX50
Epiphone Valve Junior
Boss OS-2 Overdrive/Distortion

Saving for:

*Line 6 Echo Park delay
#4
Prologue:
Inspired by a conversation with Steve, during which Jose Saramago was mentioned
and at one point my ramblings headed it this direction.
I have no clue as to whether this might resemble any of the thoughts within Saramago’s books.

The title was originally Matter Matter, but noticing there were a large number of questions,
I decided to rework it converting nearly everything from declarative to interrogatory.
Perhaps at some point I’ll post a sister piece,
by converting the format back primarily to declarative and adjusting things to fit.
Hopefully the undercurrents here will appease Kent
who's been prodding me for "metaliteral" piece, although this one might be deemed metalyrical.

Rhythm and rhyme have become a central focus for me lately. This piece is no exception.
Strong triplet rhythm, if you have problems picking it up,
the first syllable might be a pickup note, rather than the downbeat.
S4 takes a hard departure in rhyme. This was intentional during the write.
I haven’t decided whether I’m happy with the effect. But I’ll see how it plays.



Twenty Questions

Does only matter matter,
when it comes to what is real?
Would it matter if we couldn’t see,
as long as we could feel?


If we were blind, and could not see,
would all colour cease to be?
If no ears could then be found,
should this prove there is no sound?
i didn't like all in the second line. take it out. now! (just kidding, you can leave it there if you really want...)

When heretics thought our world not flat.
Didn’t Inquisitions end all that?
Could the righteous just not see
the hidden power of gravity?


Can our logical senses teach us
only science should be treasured?
Then will truth, fully reach us,
dismissing that which can’t be measured?

[/color=indigo]i dont think you need the first comma in the third line.

Empirical data: Is that the key
to discovering our reality?
Yet, one troubling thought still lingers:
do we see through only fingers?
is this a reference to patch adams? if not, i don't get it. if yes, i think it might not make sense...

Does it matter all that much
if we feel, but not through touch?
And what would happen if the essence
should appear - reveal its presence?

Would we reach a group decision
on the meaning of this vision?
How would science build defenses
against the few with new-found senses?

Can I judge on things unseen?
Could I dismiss what they might mean?
Will I keep an open mind?
Or would I be in essence blind?

Since brevity is the soul of wit
would you brand me: hypocrite?
Or have I gone with far too many
by dragging on to question twenty?
are there really 20 questions? i'm too lazy to count... i think you should drop by from the last line and put a comma after many. it flows better in my mind that way.

because of my aforementioned laziness, i didn't read your prologue. so forgive me if you explained this already, but why the font changes? should i have picked up the inner meaning there? should i look up who jose saramago is? (ok, so i read the first sentence of the prologue...)

some of the ideas/questions here struck a chord, and some were a bit bland. but i'm sure that anyone could say that about this piece. there are so many different ideas that not all of them are going to mean something to everyone. ya know? that really doesn't have any bearing on the piece itself, which was pretty good. it did drag on a bit, but you acknowledged that in the piece, so it's probably not an issue.

ok, that's all.
when birds flap their wings do the make believe they're really arms?
#5
METALITERAL, FTW.

Does only matter matter,
when it comes to what is real?
Would it matter if we couldn’t see,
as long as we could feel?

ha.

When heretics thought our world not flat.
Didn’t Inquisitions end all that?

me thinks a semi-colon after flat. the period kinda makes the thought come to an abrupt endi-

Can I judge on things unseen?
Could I dismiss what they might mean?
Will I keep an open mind?
Or would I be in essence blind?

a question every line. loved this one.

Since brevity is the soul of wit
would you brand me: hypocrite?
Or have I gone with far too many
by dragging on to question twenty?

i had to think about the last two lines for a second; whether they were a copout or not. but that's just my density, because you ended it with a question. not to mention the compliment to the structure that the phrase "question twenty" gives in the first place.

i really, really, enjoyed this man. you did a great job.
these that i pointed out were just the high points and low points of my journey through this piece. low points being the lesser of the comparative.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#6
I just got my wisdom teeth out so I'm in a lot of pain right now, but I'll come back to this later.

(at first glance I'm loving it)
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#7
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Prologue:


Twenty Questions

Does only matter matter,
bad first line. reapeating matter is silly
when it comes to what is real?
meaningless statement
Would it matter if we couldn’t see,
think of a synonym for matter
as long as we could feel?
this also seems devoid of real meaning


If we were blind, and could not see,
shouldn't colour cease to be?
'and could not see' is a waste of syllables. an interesting question posed though
If no ears were ever found,
why would you be finding ears? forced rhyme.
would this prove there is no sound?
same idea as the first question, which, rather than reinforce the idea, makes the peice stagnate

When heretics thought our world not flat.
strange phrasing.
Didn’t Inquisitions end all that?
Could the righteous just not see
the hidden power of gravity?
the first question here should build to a bigger, broader, stronger point. once again, it stangnates. and 'the hidden power of gravity' is just goofy

Can our logical senses teach us
senses are natural, not logical.
only science should be treasured?
Then will truth fully reach us,
find a better word than fully
dismissing that which can’t be measured?
good last line

Empirical data: Is that the key
it shouldnt be a colon.
to discovering our reality?
discovering is also awkward
Yet, one troubling thought still lingers:
this is a song of troubled thoughts. this is dismissing everything else before this question. by saying that only one question of real importance is left, it negates the former questions, which begs the question of the reader "if everything else was unimportant, why write about it?"
do we see through only fingers?
maybe replace 'only' with an adjective

Does it matter all that much
if we feel, but not through touch?
And what would happen if the essence
should appear - reveal its presence?
these lines all feel stilted and concensed. essence and presence is also a weak rhyme

Would we reach a group decision
on the meaning of this vision?
How would science build defenses
against the few with new-found senses?
finally. clarity.

Can I judge on things unseen?
replace 'on' with 'these'?
Could I dismiss what they might mean?
good. better if you hadnt used dismiss already
Will I keep an open mind?
well, you have an open mind if youre still reading my crits :P
Or would I be in essence blind?
what does 'in essence blind' mean? my guess is its nonsense and a forced rhyme

Since brevity is the soul of wit
true. learn from this. keep some of the better stanzas from this. it could be good, but as of right now, its too sprawling and thoughtless in parts that it suffers.
would you brand me: hypocrite?
maybe i just did ?
Or have I gone with far too many
by dragging on to question twenty?
this last stanza is like an excuse for writting a peice that gets boring.


shorten this up, and fix some thing. it could be a very interesting peice. the redndant format of questions without answers gets VERY tried after a few stanzas, so if you keep it short it will still be effective. ifd you want to keep it long, put the points your making in the forms of statements. right now, it also suffers from leaving NOTHING to the imagination. nothing is vague. nothing makes you think. theres not much description, or use of metaphor/simile. theres not a lot going to really capture someones attention. just rhyming and having the right syllables in each line isnt enough man, you need to write something people will want to hear.
~b
#8

Does only matter matter,
when it comes to what is real?
Would it matter if we couldn’t see,
as long as we could feel?


I'm really feeling this first stanza. Excellent rhyming scheme, it feels very natural.

If we were blind, and could not see,
This seems like a double repetition, first with the third line of the first stanza, then with itself. One is fine, but I would change either blind or could not see to keep it from sounding too redundant.
shouldn't colour cease to be?
If no ears were ever found,
would this prove there is no sound?

^ Best two lines right there.


When heretics thought our world not flat.
Didn’t Inquisitions end all that?
Could the righteous just not see
the hidden power of gravity?

Like you mentioned on mine, this seems to lack some of the sophistication of the rest of the piece; "all that" and "just not see" seem forced in order to rhyme. I like your rhyming scheme, but in this case I'd say it's working against the rest of the piece.

Can our logical senses teach us
only science should be treasured?
Then will truth fully reach us,
dismissing that which can’t be measured?

Empirical data: Is that the key
to discovering our reality?
Yet, one troubling thought still lingers:
do we see through only fingers?

This line lost me. "Do we see only through fingers?" maybe, but I'm not sure I like that either. Not sure about this one.

Does it matter all that much
if we feel, but not through touch?
And what would happen if the essence
should appear - reveal its presence?

Would we reach a group decision
on the meaning of this vision?
How would science build defenses
against the few with new-found senses?

Can I judge on things unseen?
Could I dismiss what they might mean?
Will I keep an open mind?
Or would I be in essence blind?

Since brevity is the soul of wit
would you brand me: hypocrite?
Or have I gone with far too many
by dragging on to question twenty?

Yes, but it makes for a good ending.


Very creative, although the opening is much more interesting than the ending. A few things mentioned made me pause for a bit, but those are pretty minor for the most part.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go hold an ice pack to my cheek and cry like a little girl
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
#9
I was here there and all over the place with this one, sexy.

I think it's the overall structure that just threw me. I think I didn't take too much out of it personally and that's why I can't say I adore it.

I can't put my finger on it, which is not helpful to you, so I'll leave by saying you're improving with gusto, my friend.

#10
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew



when it comes to what is real?
Would it matter if we couldn’t see,
as long as we could feel?

If we were blind, and could not see,
shouldn't colour cease to be?
If no ears were ever found,
would this prove there is no sound?


The entire thing was amazing especially the first three stanzas , stanza 5, and stanza 9. But to be honest, I really disliked how you went from ABCB to AABB in the rhyming pattern for the first two stanzas. It didn't sound good and dragged my attention from the poetry.
That's the only thing dislike, amazing!
Last edited by O-52-A-50-R at Jun 13, 2008,
#11
So, I owe you like 1000, but I don't really want to take the time to break it down line by line. So I'll just do a comment thing.

This is the best you've put out. You're improvement piece to piece is staggering. Your feel for flow and rhyme is pretty good, and it shows well in this piece. All that said, I still wouldn't rank this as a top piece. Here's why. It was a neat idea and was done well.... but it was still a fairly bland and safe way of going about it. There is nothing here to invoke more than "nice" from me. All of hte ideas were there... and the question set-up worked well, but to be honest, I don't remember any of them at all. None of it stuck with me as being overly creative or awesome. There were plenty of undertones, but nothing stood out to me as being overly impressive. All of it was solid and neat, but none of it will be memorable. You really should take your talent for writing simple structure and simple words and take it to more of an edge. Take it out there and write something that is going to shake my world, write something that is going to change the way I view something. You've gotten enough practice writing easy idea... take on something hard. Expand Expand Expand. Leave your comfort zone... because as it is, its starting to get stale. Take something complex, break it down into something simple and say it in a way only you could... like your flower short piece thing. Your writing will jump up in quality 10 fold.

Hope that makes sense. If not, let me know.

-zC
#12
Fly,
this borders on being see-through.
I can't imagine a more appropriate phrase.
Thanks for taking the 4 minutes from the time i posted this to read it, absorb it, and write your insightful comment.


gunner,
I'm painted into a corner on that line. I have two pickup notes I can use from the previous line, but shuffling the "not" later in the line forces it to be stressed. "end" occurs on the downbeat immediately after. I'm avoiding using complexity like that in the rhythm, but I might go there. Thanks.


ray,
thanks. i made a few changes. the comma was to help the reader with pause in the rhythm. grammatically it served no purpose. i took it out. the fingers line will make sense to those who understand all the undercurrents in this. think of how the blind see, compared to those with sight. Then apply that relationship to blindness mentioned elsewhere.


Kent,
Fixed, and thanks. I was hoping you'd enjoy the content in this one. :]


ChordMonger,
Thank you. Your crit is incisive and thorough. I'll be referring to many of your specific remarks as I tweak this one. You've been more than helpful.

'in essence blind' is a key phrase. It's not without meaning. In fact it points in two directions. one locally, one back to the essence i referred to earlier. if/when you discover the undercurrents, this will make sense.

You'll probably enjoy the sister to this, if/when i write it. It will be much shorter.


Billyjson,
Thanks. Read what I said to ray about the fingers line. Maybe that will help.
Enjoy your icepack. Hope you feel better soon.


Jamie,
Thanks for reading.
Sorry you didn't get more out of this, but ya can't always connect with everyone.
Maybe I'll give you a tickle on a later one.


O-52,
S5 is one of my favorites, too. :]


Zach,
lol, thanks. you coloured folk are more busy than the rest of us, so i appreciate you taking the time. i don't consider this a top piece either. but i've learned a ton from this experiment, and continue to do so. i'll be toying with various structures/styles/themes as time goes on. maybe i'll rock your world or maybe just give you a pleasantly jarring moment here and there. all good. keep pushing. dunno why you think you owe me, but i won't argue.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#14
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Prologue:
Inspired by a conversation with Steve, during which Jose Saramago was mentioned
and at one point my ramblings headed it this direction.
I have no clue as to whether this might resemble any of the thoughts within Saramago’s books.

The title was originally Matter Matter, but noticing there were a large number of questions,
I decided to rework it converting nearly everything from declarative to interrogatory.
Perhaps at some point I’ll post a sister piece,
by converting the format back primarily to declarative and adjusting things to fit.
Hopefully the undercurrents here will appease Kent
who's been prodding me for "metaliteral" piece, although this one might be deemed metalyrical.

Rhythm and rhyme have become a central focus for me lately. This piece is no exception.
Strong triplet rhythm, if you have problems picking it up,
the first syllable might be a pickup note(s), rather than the downbeat.
S4 takes a hard departure in rhyme. This was intentional during the write.
I haven’t decided whether I’m happy with the effect. But I’ll see how it plays.

Edit/Note:
if you think you'll get a crit by dropping a comment on this without actually taking the time to read it ... think again.



Twenty Questions

Does only matter matter,
when it comes to what is real?
Would it matter if we couldn’t see,
as long as we could feel?


The first two lines are great. I love the repetitions. The following lines close it off nicely wuth sincere emotion.

If we were blind, and could not see,
shouldn't colour cease to be?
If no ears were ever found,
would this prove there is no sound?

Replace "shouldn't" with should not. I know thats very small, but I feel it could add another dimension to the feel of the song. The following lines are not special, but they serve the purpose
.


When heretics thought our world not flat,
didn’t Inquisitions end all that?
Could the righteous just not see
the hidden power of gravity?

Wasn't so keen on this stanza. Didn't like the constant rythming, I have already grown tired of it.

Can our logical senses teach us
only science should be treasured?
Then will truth fully reach us,
dismissing that which can’t be measured?

I love the way you ask a question that has two really obvious sides. Usually everyone knows you shouldn't steal or rape, say for isntance if you were asking the reader whether it was right to do those things. In this case though, there are two diffinitive viewpoints, which was cool. Nice alteration in the rythme.

Empirical data: Is that the key
to discovering our reality?
Yet, one troubling thought still lingers:
do we see through only fingers?

This was alright, once again serves its purpose.

Does it matter all that much
if we feel, but not through touch?
And what would happen if the essence
should appear - reveal its presence?

This was more effective and repeating your main theme.


Would we reach a group decision
on the meaning of this vision?
How would science build defenses
against the few with new-found senses?

The rythming has become a little cumbersome by now. Not because its any worse, its still of excellent quality, but it has lost its charm.

Can I judge on things unseen?
Could I dismiss what they might mean?
Will I keep an open mind?
Or would I be in essence blind?

Love the way you ask so many questions without answering them. Certainly puts a lot of pressure onto your thoughts. Its cool the way the line "Will I keep an open mind?" actually suits the way you should be thinking when reading this piece.

Since brevity is the soul of wit
would you brand me: hypocrite?
Or have I gone with far too many
by dragging on to question twenty?


Brilliant ending. Best section along with the opening stanza.

I agree with the guy previously posting, but I think I enjoyed reading this more than he did. I know its too long for my taste, you do feel a little exhausted after it all, but at the same time, it really did make me think about everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Its length and deep, repeating points seem to batter your mind and you can't help but think about the different aspects that one can go down and have been down.
I don't know whether you had initially planned that, but all the same, it was good.

Also the way you open with something strong and end it with something of similar expertise, and then leave the open just for "filler" so to speak. That may sound derogatory and disparaging, but I don't mean it like that. I think its a different way to approach writing something like this.
#15
it seems like u took mindless rambling and turned it into a song i like it

but some of the words just seem to big to fit in a song kool though
#16
Kryl,
thanks... yes. definitely.

AngryG,
thanks for all that.
it's useful to see which parts connect with different people and which ones don't.
regarding the contraction: i couldn't agree more.
on the page, writing it out gives a certain elegance compared with contracting.
unfortunately, it causes not to become stressed.
that one falls in a place where the next syllable is stressed,
rhythmically the contraction softens it.

unseen,
appearances can be deceiving. glad you liked it.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#17
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Prologue:
Inspired by a conversation with Steve, during which Jose Saramago was mentioned
and at one point my ramblings headed it this direction.
I have no clue as to whether this might resemble any of the thoughts within Saramago’s books.

The title was originally Matter Matter, but noticing there were a large number of questions,
I decided to rework it converting nearly everything from declarative to interrogatory.
Perhaps at some point I’ll post a sister piece,
by converting the format back primarily to declarative and adjusting things to fit.
Hopefully the undercurrents here will appease Kent
who's been prodding me for "metaliteral" piece, although this one might be deemed metalyrical.

Rhythm and rhyme have become a central focus for me lately. This piece is no exception.
Strong triplet rhythm, if you have problems picking it up,
the first syllable might be a pickup note(s), rather than the downbeat.
S4 takes a hard departure in rhyme. This was intentional during the write.
I haven’t decided whether I’m happy with the effect. But I’ll see how it plays.

Edit/Note:
if you think you'll get a crit by dropping a comment on this without actually taking the time to read it ... think again.



Twenty Questions

Does only matter matter,
when it comes to what is real?
Would it matter if we couldn’t see,
as long as we could feel?


i really liked "does only matter matter" great repetition.
the other lines work well also...nothing bad to report


If we were blind, and could not see,
shouldn't colour cease to be?
If no ears were ever found,
would this prove there is no sound?

AMAZING!!! this is definitely my favorite part of the entire piece

When heretics thought our world not flat,
didn’t Inquisitions end all that?
Could the righteous just not see
the hidden power of gravity?

still loving it!

Can our logical senses teach us
only science should be treasured?
Then will truth fully reach us,
dismissing that which can’t be measured?

ok...now i have to say something bad....this goes against the first verses....saying that things which cannot be measured are nonexistant as opposed to your earlier view which was the opposite.....but it still all sounds good

Empirical data: Is that the key
to discovering our reality?
Yet, one troubling thought still lingers:
do we see through only fingers?

egh....

Does it matter all that much
if we feel, but not through touch?
And what would happen if the essence
should appear - reveal its presence?

back to perfection...i LOVE "if we feel, but not through touch"

Would we reach a group decision
on the meaning of this vision?
How would science build defenses
against the few with new-found senses?

now you've switched back to the original mindset...thats all you need to fix

Can I judge on things unseen?
Could I dismiss what they might mean?
Will I keep an open mind?
Or would I be in essence blind?

now the switch is seeming to make sense...this verse seems to be questioning which is correct...ok...

Since brevity is the soul of wit
would you brand me: hypocrite?
Or have I gone with far too many
by dragging on to question twenty?

a perfect ending...i absolutly love it


All in all....the best i've read today...fix that switch that i mentioned and its golden....
crit4crit plz? the one in my sig. would be delightful
#20
Prologue:

Does only matter matter,
when it comes to what is real?
Would it matter if we couldn’t see,
as long as we could feel?

Interesting first statement, but I didn't get much from it.

If we were blind, and could not see,
shouldn't colour cease to be?
If no ears were ever found,
would this prove there is no sound?
Very philosophical, makes one think, not much use though. Still good though.

When heretics thought our world not flat,
didn’t Inquisitions end all that?
Could the righteous just not see
the hidden power of gravity?
The rhyming seemed forced and sort of made the question a bit confusing.

Can our logical senses teach us
only science should be treasured?
Then will truth fully reach us,
dismissing that which can’t be measured?
Do I sense sarcasm? I'm not sure, but it makes it open to anyones interpretation.

Empirical data: Is that the key
to discovering our reality?
Yet, one troubling thought still lingers:
do we see through only fingers?
Another interesting stanza, yet the last line seemed a bit forced to me.

Does it matter all that much
if we feel, but not through touch?
And what would happen if the essence
should appear - reveal its presence?
This one didn't have much impact on me.

Would we reach a group decision
on the meaning of this vision?
How would science build defenses
against the few with new-found senses?
Now things begin to become more clearly stated, very nice stanza.

Can I judge on things unseen?
Could I dismiss what they might mean?
Will I keep an open mind?
Or would I be in essence blind?
Another very nice stanza. Possibly my favorite.

Since brevity is the soul of wit
would you brand me: hypocrite?
Or have I gone with far too many
by dragging on to question twenty?
Very good finale, brings everything to a close.


Overall I'd say that it was quite interesting, and maintained a fairly good poetic value as well. I liked it.