#1
Peanut butter and jelly
in plastic wrap
squished into a ball
thrown by larger hands than mine
I love peanut butter and jelly
but big hands don't love me

First year of four
I thought they came in threes?
bike parked in steel bars
bike lock kindly left behind

Alarm goes off, 1 pm
don't want to miss a rerun
first year of the rest
I thought they came in threes?
maybe they will
with luck

Lips replaced pb&j
my brothers car replaced the bike
I replaced us
back to normal

I like my scabs freshly picked
you like to add a pinch of salt
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
#2
it took me a few times reading it to figure out what this is about, probably because i'm really tired. i like where you're going with this, but it doesn't really flow. it needs some rhyme. overall it's not too bad.

you can crit mine if you want, link is in my sig
Rock In Peace, Ronnie James Dio

my gear:
Charvel Model 4
Custom Superstrat w/ DiMarzios (under construction)
Peavey Vypyr
saving up for a better amp
#3
Quote by 12epi345
Peanut butter and jelly
in plastic wrap
squished into a ball
thrown by larger hands than mine
I love peanut butter and jelly
but big hands don't love me

First year of four
I thought they came in threes?
bike parked in steel bars
bike lock kindly left behind

Alarm goes off, 1 pm
don't want to miss a rerun
first year of the rest
I thought they came in threes?
maybe they will
with luck

Lips replaced pb&j
my brothers car replaced the bike
I replaced us
back to normal

I like my scabs freshly picked
you like to add a pinch of salt

I like the theme of the song. It sounds like something I'd write. lol

I'm a little confused by the "first of four, thought they came in threes" thing. Is that a reference to middle school and failing a grade, or what? lol

The whole "I replaced us (break) back to normal" killed the flow for me. Take the break out and you're good ot go.

And, I loved the last two lines. I use metaphors/similes like that all the time.

Great job.
#4
'first of four' refers to high school
bad things come in threes is what I was referring to there.
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.