#1
Wrote this while hitchhiking across the country a while ago.

Highway 97

These feet have done their share of work
And sure could use a break
I will take all the time
I can afford to take
Early morning by the railroad track
Highway 97 dripping off my back

My mind wanders and so do I
But our paths aren't quite the same
I am looking for a home
My mind just screams your name
This afternoon there's a man pushing crack
Highway 97 dripping off my back

I don't have it all that bad
But I know some who do
I've seen blood spilling, seen people killing
But for what and for who?
When the sun goes down I'm picking up slack
Highway 97 dripping off my back

I could just come back again
But it would not be the same
Now I am a different man
Who goes by the old name
Late at night and I'm not coming back
Highway 97 dripping off my back


That's it. I know, I rhymed back with back at the end, which sucks, but it's all I had.
#2
I loved it, especially how you made the last line "Highway 97 dripping off my back" each time.

For the last two lines maybe try:
"Late at night, let's leave it at that, Highway 97 dripping off my back"

I dunno if you like that or not but you said you didn't like rhyming "back" with "back" sooo....

Great job, which country did you hitchhike across? I'm curious.

(Crit one of mine? In my sig)
#4
i think it's perfect except for the last two lines. change that rhyme and then it's all good. i'd really like to hear this with music. nice work!

you can crit mine if you want, link is in my sig
Rock In Peace, Ronnie James Dio

my gear:
Charvel Model 4
Custom Superstrat w/ DiMarzios (under construction)
Peavey Vypyr
saving up for a better amp
#5
If you want to dig it with music, each verse is as follows: E, D, C, A x2 and then E, A7, D7, Bm7