#1
This is an acoustic song that i've been working on awhile back. Haven't posted it till now... So far so good... I've got all the way to the breakdown and I'm thinking of continuing it in this format.

Intro
verse1
verse2
pre-chorus
chorus
breakdown
-thats what i got so far !
Now i dunno what to do next :P
Suggestions, Ideas, help is much appreciated

C4C welcomed
Attachments:
My acoustic Story.zip
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#3
so is this what you will be playing while telling a story? I love doing those. I had one about how I saw this kid (not many people like him) on a trip to new york and his raging homosexualness was blocking me from my corvette across the street. it was fun.


but I do like the melodies and stuff you've got going there. but the loud bass is pointless. turn it down. and a little acoustic solo (or vocal solo if you're telling a story ) would be nice after this.
...Nothing you've ever...
...Planned on ever turned out...
...The way you planned...


...You're still disappointing them...
#5
I like it so far, it really does kind of feel like it's telling a story. Very melodic.

I really think it could use some kind of background rhythm though. Something very very sparse and quiet to kind of fill out the sound a bit. Either an acoustic just hitting the chords in the back and letting them ring. Or have a piano, or acoustic playing some kind of counter-melody.

I'd also suggest at some point implementing drums. It works quite well as it is without them, but it would be good for emphasizing the climax. If you decide to drop back into a slower theme after, keep the drums in but have them kind of softer and more separated.
#6
any more advice from were to go? like so far im guna write a solo after the break down :P then probably go back into the slower theme. Ok ill add drums when it comes back so it doesent sound too slow hehe. The loud bass is there for fun i guess. Kind of a kick to it, funny how all of a sudden its loud hehe. Ill see if i can add a counter melody like you said icronic.
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#7
The song as a whole, I feel would work better as a song with some other instruments thrown in occasionally (like drums kicking in with the bass), as personally I feel as a story piece it would clutter it a bit. Of course, this could be totally wrong, just my 1p ( ). Still, musically it was good - great infact, as it included a few more original rhythms etc.

Good enough to warrant an 8/10, just put some more places to focus on story telling in, if this is what is intended.

Turn down that frikken bass as well :p

If you wish to trade crit, can you look at 'Nice Song (for a change)' on the main page please? No worries about not doing it though... ^^
#8
Quote by Jonathan Trejo
any more advice from were to go? like so far im guna write a solo after the break down :P then probably go back into the slower theme. Ok ill add drums when it comes back so it doesent sound too slow hehe. The loud bass is there for fun i guess. Kind of a kick to it, funny how all of a sudden its loud hehe. Ill see if i can add a counter melody like you said icronic.


Maybe have the drums kick in heavy the first time It starts to go up, and have then just kind of back off when it slows back down?

During the first slow phase why not just have background chords on a guitar or piano, and then the second time have one instrument do counter melody, another do the original melody and the last continuing to just kind of fill it out with held chords.

You don't really need to have the song constantly change to make it good, you can reuse a lot of parts, but by building on each part up a little each time it's repeated you could really kind of drive the idea of a story progression.

I do kinda like the bass as well, it needs work, and it's too loud, but it's still kinda cool
#9
ok gotcha ill had to read your post again and again till i remember it haha. Thnx for the advice its duely noted that ill comeback with a sorta finished song hehe.
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