#1
Hey there! So these are the lyrics to a ska-punk song, very Streetlight Manifesto-like. C4C (leave link)

[Verse 1]
You’re the blade I drank,
sliding down my throat,
cut and make me choke.
A ghost ship, finally sank.

[Verse 2]
A touch turns into an open wound;
a smile, a hypnotizing smile;
a romance lived entwined in denial;
a desolation I’ll take to my tomb.

[Chorus]
Constant treasons I’ve forgiven,
a fool for love you may call me.
I drown myself in poetry
And remember kisses once given.
And in this most hated season,
when skies of grey call misery,
looking out the window all I see:
flashes of adultery without reason.

[Verse 3]
Her body wrapped in another man,
sharing sweats, extreme thrills.
A vision that slowly kills,
and it will no matter when.

[Verse 4]
Take my soul, I offer you.
Cut my wings, burn me in flames.
Kill me demons with no name,
there is nothing left to do...

[Chorus]

Guitar/Sax Solo

[Bridge]
There you are, walk onto me,
kiss me softly in my cheek.
Your cold touch gives me the creeps.
An announcement for tragedy.

[Chorus]

[Outro]
Into the garden of this mansion
I rush, breaking into the rain,
That beats gently on my face:
my one and only passion.
One last time I gazed the sky,
It was darker than ever.
I scream "I’ll love you forever!"
Pull the trigger, end my life.
Last edited by seventh_angel at Jun 14, 2008,
#2
HAHAHAHA.... Im sorry, but this is... WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too emo, I think the world is done with the emotional music, unless your trying to revive my chemical romance... No one really wants to hear about cutting things and bleeding and all that ****.
#4
Everything after the first chorus felt very dry, bland and tedious to read.

Everything before was better and more interesting.

Your flow was good though, throughout, though the quality was increased by the better ideas in the first quarter of the song or so.
#5
I liked them in general, but they're too sad for a ska-punk song. These would fit better over a different sort of genre, but ska-punk is supposed to be fairly happy and carefree.

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#6
Its good, but the outro sounds like a sexual metaphor
Gear List

Guitars
PRS SE Tremonti
Ltd Mh-100qmnt
Peavey Rotor ex
Crafter Acoustic

Amps
Bugera 333
Bugera 412h

Effects
Marshall Shredmaster
Line 6 MM4
Line 6 DL4
Ibanez Weeping Demon
Dan Electro Fish'n'chips
Ibanez LU-10
#7
Quote by maybe_I_am
I liked them in general, but they're too sad for a ska-punk song. These would fit better over a different sort of genre, but ska-punk is supposed to be fairly happy and carefree.


Not all the lyrics. Usually the band I mentioned, Streetlight Manifesto, talks about suicide, war etc... But yeah, in general, I broke the "standards".

Nonetheless, thank you for all your comments I knew this wasn't very strong but I wanted to post it anyways, mainly because of the flow.
#9
You'll never be able to sing it the same now
Gear List

Guitars
PRS SE Tremonti
Ltd Mh-100qmnt
Peavey Rotor ex
Crafter Acoustic

Amps
Bugera 333
Bugera 412h

Effects
Marshall Shredmaster
Line 6 MM4
Line 6 DL4
Ibanez Weeping Demon
Dan Electro Fish'n'chips
Ibanez LU-10